Thinking too far ahead?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Thinking too far ahead?
So I'm now 42 days sober. Today was a pretty normal day at work and ended with a bunch of people wanting to go to the bar downstairs for some beers. I initially said I couldn't go, but with a tiny bit of peer pressure, agreed to go. I ordered my club soda, just said I had some homework to do when I got home and it was actually pretty OK after that. I felt a lot more at ease than I did in a bar a few weeks back.
Not thrilled that I allowed myself to give into peer pressure so easily, but also happy I confidently ordered club soda and stuck around for 2 hours just chatting and having a good sober time.
On my way homes I really started fixating on a birthday/housewarming I'm invited to in a few weeks for one of my closest friends. This will mark 11 years in a row I've gone to his birthday and I toasted to the fact I'd been to 10 in a row last year (more than even his wife). I'd like to think I can just go club soda and it will be a good time, but it's just driving me nuts thinking about how I'll stay sober that night. And it's three weeks away. Nothing between now and then seems to be a hurdle, but today popped up out of nowhere.
I don't want to skip the party as i know it's something I can get through sober and it's someone I'm close with and isnt a "drinking buddy," though obviously we have drank together numerous times.
Does anyone with longer term sobriety still obsess over things that aren't in the immediate future? Am I correct in already worrying about it?
After that party, I have a bachelor party (my brothers) and two weddings in May, so I'm really feeling like I'm walking into a minefield.
Not thrilled that I allowed myself to give into peer pressure so easily, but also happy I confidently ordered club soda and stuck around for 2 hours just chatting and having a good sober time.
On my way homes I really started fixating on a birthday/housewarming I'm invited to in a few weeks for one of my closest friends. This will mark 11 years in a row I've gone to his birthday and I toasted to the fact I'd been to 10 in a row last year (more than even his wife). I'd like to think I can just go club soda and it will be a good time, but it's just driving me nuts thinking about how I'll stay sober that night. And it's three weeks away. Nothing between now and then seems to be a hurdle, but today popped up out of nowhere.
I don't want to skip the party as i know it's something I can get through sober and it's someone I'm close with and isnt a "drinking buddy," though obviously we have drank together numerous times.
Does anyone with longer term sobriety still obsess over things that aren't in the immediate future? Am I correct in already worrying about it?
After that party, I have a bachelor party (my brothers) and two weddings in May, so I'm really feeling like I'm walking into a minefield.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
It's good to think ahead and plan for the future - but not to live there 
When the times gets closer...if you really want to go - make a plan. Start now. Think of all the likely scenarios (and even some unlikely ones)
These tips are good for most social occasions:
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
If you're not sure you'll be ok...think about not going.
A blown attendance streak is better than a blown recovery streak IMO
D
When the times gets closer...if you really want to go - make a plan. Start now. Think of all the likely scenarios (and even some unlikely ones)
These tips are good for most social occasions:
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
If you're not sure you'll be ok...think about not going.
A blown attendance streak is better than a blown recovery streak IMO
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by Dee74 
A blown attendance streak is better than a blown recovery streak IMO
Part of the reason I want to go is I do want to become more social. Ive holed up quite a bit in early recovery, and while that might still be needed, I know it can't last forever.
I guess I'll just worry about tomorrow and this weekend now. The decision to stay sober in three weeks has been made, just a matter of how I'll do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Go with a plan.
If at a restaurant, what beverage will you order?
If at a home, you can bring your own. And bring LOTS extra. Sobriety can be contagious.......
What will you say if someone asks why you aren't drinking?
What will you say if some rude person INSISTS that you have something alcoholic? (no violence, please)
Bring your own car and be prepared to leave if you are uncomfortable.
Park where you can get out easily, and no one parks you in, even if you have to walk a little further.
I quit right before the Holidays last year, and prepared for every event.
It all went WAY WAY easier than I anticipated.
No one asked WHY, no one insisted....
Only thing that surprised me was how popular my non-alcoholic drinks were....
If at a restaurant, what beverage will you order?
If at a home, you can bring your own. And bring LOTS extra. Sobriety can be contagious.......
What will you say if someone asks why you aren't drinking?
What will you say if some rude person INSISTS that you have something alcoholic? (no violence, please)
Bring your own car and be prepared to leave if you are uncomfortable.
Park where you can get out easily, and no one parks you in, even if you have to walk a little further.
I quit right before the Holidays last year, and prepared for every event.
It all went WAY WAY easier than I anticipated.
No one asked WHY, no one insisted....
Only thing that surprised me was how popular my non-alcoholic drinks were....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Thanks everyone for the comments. I slept on it and realized it's still spinning around in my head. Part of me wants to drink that night, part of me (most of me) knows that I'd be opening pandora's box if I decide to drink just once.
I feel like I'm still stressing out too much about it. I've already set a calendar reminder to check in here and to THINK before heading to that party. For the time being, I need to stay sober today, day 43. I have sober plans for this weekend and the following weekend. My goal is to stay sober at my friend's party.
It's an apartment party/dinner afterwards (I live in New York City, so no cars involved). I'm thinking I'll bring myself ginger ale or club soda for the apartment part of the party and then just order club soda at the restaurant. If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm on a diet. I haven't weighed myself, but believe I've lost about 5 pounds in the 43 days since I quit, most of that in the last two weeks. My goal is about 35 pounds, so I really will be on a diet and think I can use that pretty easily.
I don't think I'll convince myself today that I can't drink at that party. It's too hard to silence the AV. So I'm writing down the ginger ale/club soda and diet plan now, and will come back and reference it as the date approaches. For the time being, focusing on staying sober for the immediate future and taking this one day at a time.
I feel like I'm still stressing out too much about it. I've already set a calendar reminder to check in here and to THINK before heading to that party. For the time being, I need to stay sober today, day 43. I have sober plans for this weekend and the following weekend. My goal is to stay sober at my friend's party.
It's an apartment party/dinner afterwards (I live in New York City, so no cars involved). I'm thinking I'll bring myself ginger ale or club soda for the apartment part of the party and then just order club soda at the restaurant. If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm on a diet. I haven't weighed myself, but believe I've lost about 5 pounds in the 43 days since I quit, most of that in the last two weeks. My goal is about 35 pounds, so I really will be on a diet and think I can use that pretty easily.
I don't think I'll convince myself today that I can't drink at that party. It's too hard to silence the AV. So I'm writing down the ginger ale/club soda and diet plan now, and will come back and reference it as the date approaches. For the time being, focusing on staying sober for the immediate future and taking this one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 154
Originally Posted by newpage119
Go with a plan.
If at a restaurant, what beverage will you order?
If at a home, you can bring your own. And bring LOTS extra. Sobriety can be contagious.......
What will you say if someone asks why you aren't drinking?
What will you say if some rude person INSISTS that you have something alcoholic? (no violence, please)
Bring your own car and be prepared to leave if you are uncomfortable.
Park where you can get out easily, and no one parks you in, even if you have to walk a little further.
I quit right before the Holidays last year, and prepared for every event.
It all went WAY WAY easier than I anticipated.
No one asked WHY, no one insisted....
Only thing that surprised me was how popular my non-alcoholic drinks were....
If at a restaurant, what beverage will you order?
If at a home, you can bring your own. And bring LOTS extra. Sobriety can be contagious.......
What will you say if someone asks why you aren't drinking?
What will you say if some rude person INSISTS that you have something alcoholic? (no violence, please)
Bring your own car and be prepared to leave if you are uncomfortable.
Park where you can get out easily, and no one parks you in, even if you have to walk a little further.
I quit right before the Holidays last year, and prepared for every event.
It all went WAY WAY easier than I anticipated.
No one asked WHY, no one insisted....
Only thing that surprised me was how popular my non-alcoholic drinks were....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 154
At least with the over thinking this event wont creep up on you unawares! I get it though I am going to a gig soon(someone I've wanted to see for ages) and cannot imagine not drinking there. All sorts of things going through my head, should I sell my ticket, should I go alone etc.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Originally Posted by TomTom75
This is good, I'm gonna use this
You don't have to confess to being an alcoholic in recovery. You can say something so simple as you have decided not to drink and drive, or on meds, or in my case I have developed an allergy to alcohol. Since I feel so much better without alcohol, I have decided that is the truth!
And I agree with everyone else, make your plan, have it ready, but don't obsess about the event for weeks to come....
When we worry about the future 99% of the things that we worry about don't actually happen, so just wasted time!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
I was sitting at this bar at this bar/restaurant place (good food, hot babe barmaids) with my lemonade, as I am now accustomed to, (they see me sit down. they used to say wanna beer? now they say "lemonade?" and these two older guys come in and sit down a couple of stools down. One said, "have a beer." the other says, "no" the other said, ah come on, be a sport (something like that, not leaving it alone) the one said to the waitress, "coffee" and to his buddy he stiffened and said, "I quit drinking beer once."
I sat there and let that scene replay in my head. five words. I quit drinking beer once. He could have even boiled it down further: I quite drinking once. for all of us who love numbers, that's four words. even more efficient. But this guy, he might have postponed drinking a million times, but he only really stopped once. And he clearly had no intention of ever only postponing it again. that guy rocked.
I sat there and let that scene replay in my head. five words. I quit drinking beer once. He could have even boiled it down further: I quite drinking once. for all of us who love numbers, that's four words. even more efficient. But this guy, he might have postponed drinking a million times, but he only really stopped once. And he clearly had no intention of ever only postponing it again. that guy rocked.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 121
Tough one NYMETS I think you should go to the bday party but perhaps just stay for the start before everyone starts getting stupidly drunk and peer pressuring. It means you didn't miss the party and what about going with non alcoholic drinks, I know everyone on here says it's the worse ever but only you know if you can handle it.
The bachelor party is going to be hard I have one in a month and am already dreading it.
Good luck man
The bachelor party is going to be hard I have one in a month and am already dreading it.
Good luck man
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