alphaomega

I would hear this phrase in the rooms all the time, although I never really understood what it meant.

90 Days. Again.

Again.

For the love of God, A.G.A.I.N.

This time its going to stick. The memories rarely hold fondness anymore. Thought of drinking now just frighten me for the most part. The anxiety and chest flush from that first sip that would render me helpless to stop. I didn't even like it anymore. I hadn't for a very long time.

I just would try to get to the point where the switch would flip.

The rumors about each recovery becoming more and more difficult due to kindling, yep, that's true. This has been the worst one yet.

There is no way around. but through.

Like Scarlett Ohara said "As God as my witness, I will never be intoxicated ever again".

Three months down, a lifetime to go.

MarathonMan

Damn right every recovery is harder. I feel you're pain alpha and pity us both for ever letting alcohol into our lives.

Hopefully with 90 days you are close to over the hump.

Anna

I'm glad you're firm in your resolve, AO.

Lenina

(((AO))) next time, I will surely die. But we don't have to if we don't take that one first drink

Love from Lenina

IrishRaine

I know about A.G.A.I.N. This is the first day of starting over AGAIN. I tried once before, made it to 21 days and that was that. So here I go again, along with you. You can do it. Best of luck to you.

ccam1973

Great job on 90 days AO! Keep it up.

I felt the same way after my last relapse; I drank more and more and recovery was tougher and tougher. Stay strong and keep your guard up.

48heath

Keep going,you need never drink again.

ScottFromWI

Good work Alpha on 90 days...you can make this work if you don't let up.

dwtbd

Keep trucking
a slight tweak, if I may
"three months down, a lifetime to have"

alphaomega

In December,I was standing in the lobby of one of those movie theatres with the bars in them. I had ordered two double chardonnays to pound before I went back into the theatre. I was gagging the second glass down. This after two bottles of wine at dinner earlier.

I was barely drunk and frightened for what the next morning would bring. It brought Xanax. Two doses.

Never would I ever in the past considered drinking on those. But, alas, I did.

Earlier that week, I completely blacked out after sneaking tequila out of the bottle before dinner. Don't remember a thing about that dinner.

New YEars Eve was the final straw. Three bottles of wine later, I threw my hip out making a total ass out of myself on the dance floor. Alone.

My daughter just looked at me with absolute disgust after that trip.

I'm sure I did liver damage after that as I had right flank pain for weeks thereafter. Never had that before. Also, I'm sure that a seizure was around the bend. There is no doubt in my mind. Never had that before either.

I'm out of the immediate physical danger zone, but no where near out of the woods.

May I never forget where I came from...

ZHIK

There is only one recovery. The one where you never drink again.

So there aren't multiple ones.

Find the way to ACTUALLY recover that works for you. And stop thinking about it as recovery, thinking about it as not drinking anymore.

BBQBOY

From my experience "Kindling" is very real, and it is scary. Omega, like you said about not having another recovery you....I feel the same way. We never have to feel that type of anxiety again. Sure there will be other forms of anxiety....but I surely don't want "that" anxiety ever again! Great job on 90...Best wishes to you.

Soberwolf

Way to go on 90 days AO

ZHIK

Stay sober, relaxed. Flow through life and just wonderfully deny alcohol.

Fly N Buy

My sober promises, like Scarlett's were Gone With The Wind!
I could not promise to never again be intoxicated........it was too much for me. I did learn from others here and elsewhere that perhaps I could do it for 24 hrs. Just one day, not forever.......

Today I will not drink - I will follow a plan. If I get in trouble I will call someone and scream from the Mountain Top = Help!

Your post helped me a lot today - thank you. I need a constant reminder of what a gift sobriety is indeed. Glad your back!

MIRecovery

You have 3 months down and if you stay sober today you are a success!

Jeni26

I know what you mean AO. I don't think I have another recovery left in me. I work so hard at getting sober, and each time I've done it I've had to be even more creative so as not to repeat the same mistakes.

This time I've run right out of strategies. I'm 11 days sober and it has got to be my last shot at this.

All or nothing. I'm with you every step of the way x

ZHIK

Let go of your feelings that drive you to drink.