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Old 04-04-2015, 02:59 PM
  # 141 (permalink)  
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MM, some people on this forum have been able to do it alone. Some of us can not. I'm with Serenidad on this one, you need help. You don't have to go this one alone, there are many avenues to help you. You never have to be alone, we all care.
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:00 PM
  # 142 (permalink)  
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Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:11 PM
  # 143 (permalink)  
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Your daughter singing about you or to you? Which would you prefer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q5_TnAxTDM
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:12 PM
  # 144 (permalink)  
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Well you could always go to AA or another f2f support group >not sure if they have SMART or CR in the UK but maybe they do<. It's anonymous.
You don't have to go to rehab to get support and you also have SR.
I go to AA and I use SR daily.
There are also medications to help with withdrawals, DTs and seizures. I sent you a pm because we can't post the name here.
Go to the doctor and pay cash for the consult and the meds if you are concerned about your insurance finding out.
Anyway, what's the point of having life insurance if you don't have a life anymore????
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:13 PM
  # 145 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan View Post
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
Then as was said turn this into a taper now that no one is stopping you - I agree it's incredibly hard and understand everyone's scepticism but some can do it and if it's that or a full blown relapse/binge, then taper away. I tapered successfully twice, not the last times when I had lost all control, but after a few years of daily drinking including binges I did do it (unfortunately didn't stay stopped for long but that's another issue)
I'm not sure where you're at in your alcoholism so maybe it's not possible, but if you refuse medical help then it's a much better option than binging
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:16 PM
  # 146 (permalink)  
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Many people care MM. I was very happy to read your morning post, and sad when things fell apart again. The fact that you're here & posting means there's still a chance you will turn this around. There's no doubt that you can do it.
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:29 PM
  # 147 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan View Post
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
If you die from alcohol related causes that will most likely void it too. And there are of avenues to explore for detox that don't involve a medical diagnosis of alcholism. Sorry to say it MM, but the insurance thing is just another excuse to keep drinking.
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:35 PM
  # 148 (permalink)  
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BS. This thread is 7 pages long, MM.
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:42 PM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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You may have bought the life insurance based on light alcohol use. But that was song time ago. Conditions change. If that's all that's standing between you and help, call your agent and ask if that would void your policy.
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:42 PM
  # 150 (permalink)  
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Let me see if I have this right. You are willing to take the chance of losing everything you love, including yourself, because of a life-insurance policy that you've been paying into for a long time. Sounds like classic AV to me.
There's more going on here than your fear of losing a life-insurance policy. You're saying no to everything that might help you, seeing a Dr., detox, treatment, etc. There's a deeper reason for not moving towards the help you need and deserve.
I wonder how much fear is playing a role in what you're going through. Fear of losing your life and fear of moving forward. You sound stuck to me. You have the opportunity to both save your life and get the help you need to do it.
I really hope you find the strength to move forward. Sometimes, if i turn fear into anger, that helps me to act. Get angry at your AV. Get angry at your situation. Say to yourself, enough is enough!!!! You can do this. John
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Old 04-04-2015, 04:54 PM
  # 151 (permalink)  
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Hows the actual tapering going for you MM?

D
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Old 04-04-2015, 05:00 PM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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Have you got a sober plan MM ?

http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Le...herokee.htmlMM

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
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Old 04-04-2015, 05:02 PM
  # 153 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan View Post
carlotta, you were the only one who cared
Ok, dude, c'mon!!!yeah, Carlotta with her pink crowbar cares ( )but Have you been reading anything other folks here have writing?
I personally just went back and read through this whole thread and what do I read? A LOT of people that care, and that won't do crap if YOU don't care.
But us caring won't get you sober. No one can do it for you. No one can get you out of the self pity. You have to get into action.
The day after my last drink, the woman I intended to marry- the one I was going to share the ret of my life with- told me some of what I had done and said the day/ night before and then said," GET OUT!!! GET THE F**K OUT!!!
She was in tears and I was crushed. But I packed up some clothes and left. I couldn't have felt any more like a hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless piece of **** than I did tha morning.
As the drunk was wearing off( I was still drunk when I passed back in that morning) terror and bewilderment were hitting hard. I was seeing,for the first time without trying to stuff it, just what alcohol was doing for me. I saw how alcohol controlled me. I saw a whole lot of the sick,disgusting **** I had done and said to her and countless others.
And I hated myself.
And I decided to find a solution. Narrowed it down to two,even: AA or kill myself.
I chose AA and was going to see what happened. But it wasn't something I thought a week and if nothing better I'll kill myself.
So I went to AA, balling my eyes out, wallowing in self pity( did that for some time). Got the by and something jumped out at me:
No one can tell of the loneliness and dispair I found in the bitter morass of self pity.
I think being called out on the self pity helped,too. And I didn't want to be all," boohoo,poor me" ,too.
So I got my arse into action doing what the program in the bb says.
And an amazing thing happened:
I stayed sober, the self pity stopped( it still comes back sometimes, but I have a solution for it now), and I actually started liking the man in my mirror!
But it took footwork. No one was going to join me in my pity party. No one was going to do the work for me. No one was going to get me sober and make my life better.....EXCEPT ME. it was me that had to put in the footwork on fixing me( which doing it my way or alone got me to the doors of AA so that way wasn't going to work. I used the program and what others suggested).
That woman I was going to spend my life with? Welp, we didn't get back together and I am ok with it. I am happy,joyous,free,peaceful,serene, and live myself tonight.
But it took getting my ass into action.

I hope ya decide to get into action. Yer worth it. And,your kids deserve their father sober.

One thing that did happe to me with the action I've put in:
I was able to look back and sa," holy crap I was king baby and wanted everyone to join in my pity parties quite a lot! Boy were they smart not to join in!!!"
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:12 PM
  # 154 (permalink)  
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Exellent post Tomsteve
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:27 PM
  # 155 (permalink)  
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Two weeks of hell. Trip to see family out of state. A dear friend and I . It was ugly, stressful, painful and my grand child is a hateful bully in the middle of a volatile custody battle. I managed to stay sober. Thank GOD my giant friend knew my truths and was amazing. She got me out of there, parked me in a motel after three nights of not sleeping....fed me dinner and made me rest. At least I didn't stroke out. With my BP and heart issues....I blew my bp machine UP. By the time we got home , I was a hot crying mess. But by the grace of GOD I was sober. My child is in a mess. Ex son in law says he just travel three states over and put me out of his misery . He's a turd.
I realize that I survived a MAJOR trigger. I didn't post anything on SR while gone, but I read posts daily . Others struggles gave me hope , courage and a reminder I wasn't alone. Thanks for being there.....bless you all.
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:28 PM
  # 156 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan View Post
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
Well, you definitely need a safe detox. Detoxing alone can be very dangerous. Could you go to the ER to detox? Once you detox, you could seek support at AA in addition to SR. There are so many people that would help you there. Also, what about a sober living house?
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:39 PM
  # 157 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
Ok, dude, c'mon!!!yeah, Carlotta with her pink crowbar cares ( )but Have you been reading anything other folks here have writing? I personally just went back and read through this whole thread and what do I read? A LOT of people that care, and that won't do crap if YOU don't care. But us caring won't get you sober. No one can do it for you. No one can get you out of the self pity. You have to get into action. The day after my last drink, the woman I intended to marry- the one I was going to share the ret of my life with- told me some of what I had done and said the day/ night before and then said," GET OUT!!! GET THE F**K OUT!!! She was in tears and I was crushed. But I packed up some clothes and left. I couldn't have felt any more like a hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless piece of **** than I did tha morning. As the drunk was wearing off( I was still drunk when I passed back in that morning) terror and bewilderment were hitting hard. I was seeing,for the first time without trying to stuff it, just what alcohol was doing for me. I saw how alcohol controlled me. I saw a whole lot of the sick,disgusting **** I had done and said to her and countless others. And I hated myself. And I decided to find a solution. Narrowed it down to two,even: AA or kill myself. I chose AA and was going to see what happened. But it wasn't something I thought a week and if nothing better I'll kill myself. So I went to AA, balling my eyes out, wallowing in self pity( did that for some time). Got the by and something jumped out at me: No one can tell of the loneliness and dispair I found in the bitter morass of self pity. I think being called out on the self pity helped,too. And I didn't want to be all," boohoo,poor me" ,too. So I got my arse into action doing what the program in the bb says. And an amazing thing happened: I stayed sober, the self pity stopped( it still comes back sometimes, but I have a solution for it now), and I actually started liking the man in my mirror! But it took footwork. No one was going to join me in my pity party. No one was going to do the work for me. No one was going to get me sober and make my life better.....EXCEPT ME. it was me that had to put in the footwork on fixing me( which doing it my way or alone got me to the doors of AA so that way wasn't going to work. I used the program and what others suggested). That woman I was going to spend my life with? Welp, we didn't get back together and I am ok with it. I am happy,joyous,free,peaceful,serene, and live myself tonight. But it took getting my ass into action. I hope ya decide to get into action. Yer worth it. And,your kids deserve their father sober. One thing that did happe to me with the action I've put in: I was able to look back and sa," holy crap I was king baby and wanted everyone to join in my pity parties quite a lot! Boy were they smart not to join in!!!"
Love this tomsteve! ^^^
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Old 04-05-2015, 12:51 AM
  # 158 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan View Post
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
Freeze the damn policy mm. It's not going to pay **** if you choke on your own vomit.
Go and get help. Please.
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Old 04-05-2015, 01:09 AM
  # 159 (permalink)  
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MM,

I tapered successfully, too. Anattaboy was supportive and that helped. I had to taper because I was drinking too much and like you, I had similar concerns. I had lots of water and a BP monitor, thermometer and a pulse oximeter (for asthma) to monitor my vitals.

I 100 percent took the taper seriously; I stayed accountable by checking in here. I can really dedicate myself to anything if I have a fire in my belly. My motivation was to detox safely so I would never have to do it again.I haven't drank since I finished the taper. I had a year of sobriety before a 6-month relapse. The detox was miserable, even with the taper.

I felt lower than a worm, completely ashamed of myself during that time. I felt like I had no choice. I couldn't get away from drinking - it was as if I was dead already - I wanted to die.

Please take care of yourself!! We are all here for you!
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Old 04-05-2015, 01:13 AM
  # 160 (permalink)  
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If you cannot taper, please, please get some medical help. Your life insurance policy won't matter if you die of an alcohol overdose.
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