last chance
Just a Girl Trying to Make It...
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 207
MM, some people on this forum have been able to do it alone. Some of us can not. I'm with Serenidad on this one, you need help. You don't have to go this one alone, there are many avenues to help you. You never have to be alone, we all care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Western Europe
Posts: 80
Your daughter singing about you or to you? Which would you prefer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q5_TnAxTDM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q5_TnAxTDM
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,581
Well you could always go to AA or another f2f support group >not sure if they have SMART or CR in the UK but maybe they do<. It's anonymous.
You don't have to go to rehab to get support and you also have SR.
I go to AA and I use SR daily.
There are also medications to help with withdrawals, DTs and seizures. I sent you a pm because we can't post the name here.
Go to the doctor and pay cash for the consult and the meds if you are concerned about your insurance finding out.
Anyway, what's the point of having life insurance if you don't have a life anymore????
You don't have to go to rehab to get support and you also have SR.
I go to AA and I use SR daily.
There are also medications to help with withdrawals, DTs and seizures. I sent you a pm because we can't post the name here.
Go to the doctor and pay cash for the consult and the meds if you are concerned about your insurance finding out.
Anyway, what's the point of having life insurance if you don't have a life anymore????
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Originally Posted by MarathonMan 
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
I'm not sure where you're at in your alcoholism so maybe it's not possible, but if you refuse medical help then it's a much better option than binging
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 49,104
Many people care MM. I was very happy to read your morning post, and sad when things fell apart again. The fact that you're here & posting means there's still a chance you will turn this around. There's no doubt that you can do it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
You may have bought the life insurance based on light alcohol use. But that was song time ago. Conditions change. If that's all that's standing between you and help, call your agent and ask if that would void your policy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Let me see if I have this right. You are willing to take the chance of losing everything you love, including yourself, because of a life-insurance policy that you've been paying into for a long time. Sounds like classic AV to me.
There's more going on here than your fear of losing a life-insurance policy. You're saying no to everything that might help you, seeing a Dr., detox, treatment, etc. There's a deeper reason for not moving towards the help you need and deserve.
I wonder how much fear is playing a role in what you're going through. Fear of losing your life and fear of moving forward. You sound stuck to me. You have the opportunity to both save your life and get the help you need to do it.
I really hope you find the strength to move forward. Sometimes, if i turn fear into anger, that helps me to act. Get angry at your AV. Get angry at your situation. Say to yourself, enough is enough!!!! You can do this. John
There's more going on here than your fear of losing a life-insurance policy. You're saying no to everything that might help you, seeing a Dr., detox, treatment, etc. There's a deeper reason for not moving towards the help you need and deserve.
I wonder how much fear is playing a role in what you're going through. Fear of losing your life and fear of moving forward. You sound stuck to me. You have the opportunity to both save your life and get the help you need to do it.
I really hope you find the strength to move forward. Sometimes, if i turn fear into anger, that helps me to act. Get angry at your AV. Get angry at your situation. Say to yourself, enough is enough!!!! You can do this. John
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,043
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
carlotta, you were the only one who cared )but Have you been reading anything other folks here have writing?I personally just went back and read through this whole thread and what do I read? A LOT of people that care, and that won't do crap if YOU don't care.
But us caring won't get you sober. No one can do it for you. No one can get you out of the self pity. You have to get into action.
The day after my last drink, the woman I intended to marry- the one I was going to share the ret of my life with- told me some of what I had done and said the day/ night before and then said," GET OUT!!! GET THE F**K OUT!!!
She was in tears and I was crushed. But I packed up some clothes and left. I couldn't have felt any more like a hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless piece of **** than I did tha morning.
As the drunk was wearing off( I was still drunk when I passed back in that morning) terror and bewilderment were hitting hard. I was seeing,for the first time without trying to stuff it, just what alcohol was doing for me. I saw how alcohol controlled me. I saw a whole lot of the sick,disgusting **** I had done and said to her and countless others.
And I hated myself.
And I decided to find a solution. Narrowed it down to two,even: AA or kill myself.
I chose AA and was going to see what happened. But it wasn't something I thought a week and if nothing better I'll kill myself.
So I went to AA, balling my eyes out, wallowing in self pity( did that for some time). Got the by and something jumped out at me:
No one can tell of the loneliness and dispair I found in the bitter morass of self pity.
I think being called out on the self pity helped,too. And I didn't want to be all," boohoo,poor me" ,too.
So I got my arse into action doing what the program in the bb says.
And an amazing thing happened:
I stayed sober, the self pity stopped( it still comes back sometimes, but I have a solution for it now), and I actually started liking the man in my mirror!
But it took footwork. No one was going to join me in my pity party. No one was going to do the work for me. No one was going to get me sober and make my life better.....EXCEPT ME. it was me that had to put in the footwork on fixing me( which doing it my way or alone got me to the doors of AA so that way wasn't going to work. I used the program and what others suggested).
That woman I was going to spend my life with? Welp, we didn't get back together and I am ok with it. I am happy,joyous,free,peaceful,serene, and live myself tonight.
But it took getting my ass into action.
I hope ya decide to get into action. Yer worth it. And,your kids deserve their father sober.
One thing that did happe to me with the action I've put in:
I was able to look back and sa," holy crap I was king baby and wanted everyone to join in my pity parties quite a lot! Boy were they smart not to join in!!!"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
Two weeks of hell. Trip to see family out of state. A dear friend and I . It was ugly, stressful, painful and my grand child is a hateful bully in the middle of a volatile custody battle. I managed to stay sober. Thank GOD my giant friend knew my truths and was amazing. She got me out of there, parked me in a motel after three nights of not sleeping....fed me dinner and made me rest. At least I didn't stroke out. With my BP and heart issues....I blew my bp machine UP. By the time we got home , I was a hot crying mess. But by the grace of GOD I was sober. My child is in a mess. Ex son in law says he just travel three states over and put me out of his misery . He's a turd.
I realize that I survived a MAJOR trigger. I didn't post anything on SR while gone, but I read posts daily . Others struggles gave me hope , courage and a reminder I wasn't alone. Thanks for being there.....bless you all.
I realize that I survived a MAJOR trigger. I didn't post anything on SR while gone, but I read posts daily . Others struggles gave me hope , courage and a reminder I wasn't alone. Thanks for being there.....bless you all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by tomsteve
Ok, dude, c'mon!!!yeah, Carlotta with her pink crowbar cares ( )but Have you been reading anything other folks here have writing? I personally just went back and read through this whole thread and what do I read? A LOT of people that care, and that won't do crap if YOU don't care. But us caring won't get you sober. No one can do it for you. No one can get you out of the self pity. You have to get into action. The day after my last drink, the woman I intended to marry- the one I was going to share the ret of my life with- told me some of what I had done and said the day/ night before and then said," GET OUT!!! GET THE F**K OUT!!! She was in tears and I was crushed. But I packed up some clothes and left. I couldn't have felt any more like a hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless piece of **** than I did tha morning. As the drunk was wearing off( I was still drunk when I passed back in that morning) terror and bewilderment were hitting hard. I was seeing,for the first time without trying to stuff it, just what alcohol was doing for me. I saw how alcohol controlled me. I saw a whole lot of the sick,disgusting **** I had done and said to her and countless others. And I hated myself. And I decided to find a solution. Narrowed it down to two,even: AA or kill myself. I chose AA and was going to see what happened. But it wasn't something I thought a week and if nothing better I'll kill myself. So I went to AA, balling my eyes out, wallowing in self pity( did that for some time). Got the by and something jumped out at me: No one can tell of the loneliness and dispair I found in the bitter morass of self pity. I think being called out on the self pity helped,too. And I didn't want to be all," boohoo,poor me" ,too. So I got my arse into action doing what the program in the bb says. And an amazing thing happened: I stayed sober, the self pity stopped( it still comes back sometimes, but I have a solution for it now), and I actually started liking the man in my mirror! But it took footwork. No one was going to join me in my pity party. No one was going to do the work for me. No one was going to get me sober and make my life better.....EXCEPT ME. it was me that had to put in the footwork on fixing me( which doing it my way or alone got me to the doors of AA so that way wasn't going to work. I used the program and what others suggested). That woman I was going to spend my life with? Welp, we didn't get back together and I am ok with it. I am happy,joyous,free,peaceful,serene, and live myself tonight. But it took getting my ass into action. I hope ya decide to get into action. Yer worth it. And,your kids deserve their father sober. One thing that did happe to me with the action I've put in: I was able to look back and sa," holy crap I was king baby and wanted everyone to join in my pity parties quite a lot! Boy were they smart not to join in!!!"
)but Have you been reading anything other folks here have writing? I personally just went back and read through this whole thread and what do I read? A LOT of people that care, and that won't do crap if YOU don't care. But us caring won't get you sober. No one can do it for you. No one can get you out of the self pity. You have to get into action. The day after my last drink, the woman I intended to marry- the one I was going to share the ret of my life with- told me some of what I had done and said the day/ night before and then said," GET OUT!!! GET THE F**K OUT!!! She was in tears and I was crushed. But I packed up some clothes and left. I couldn't have felt any more like a hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless piece of **** than I did tha morning. As the drunk was wearing off( I was still drunk when I passed back in that morning) terror and bewilderment were hitting hard. I was seeing,for the first time without trying to stuff it, just what alcohol was doing for me. I saw how alcohol controlled me. I saw a whole lot of the sick,disgusting **** I had done and said to her and countless others. And I hated myself. And I decided to find a solution. Narrowed it down to two,even: AA or kill myself. I chose AA and was going to see what happened. But it wasn't something I thought a week and if nothing better I'll kill myself. So I went to AA, balling my eyes out, wallowing in self pity( did that for some time). Got the by and something jumped out at me: No one can tell of the loneliness and dispair I found in the bitter morass of self pity. I think being called out on the self pity helped,too. And I didn't want to be all," boohoo,poor me" ,too. So I got my arse into action doing what the program in the bb says. And an amazing thing happened: I stayed sober, the self pity stopped( it still comes back sometimes, but I have a solution for it now), and I actually started liking the man in my mirror! But it took footwork. No one was going to join me in my pity party. No one was going to do the work for me. No one was going to get me sober and make my life better.....EXCEPT ME. it was me that had to put in the footwork on fixing me( which doing it my way or alone got me to the doors of AA so that way wasn't going to work. I used the program and what others suggested). That woman I was going to spend my life with? Welp, we didn't get back together and I am ok with it. I am happy,joyous,free,peaceful,serene, and live myself tonight. But it took getting my ass into action. I hope ya decide to get into action. Yer worth it. And,your kids deserve their father sober. One thing that did happe to me with the action I've put in: I was able to look back and sa," holy crap I was king baby and wanted everyone to join in my pity parties quite a lot! Boy were they smart not to join in!!!"love is the answer
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 1,352
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
Serindad - my life insurance was taken on the. condition of very light alcohol consumption. If I seek treatment I void it after long years of paying it. Thats why I keep trying alone.
Go and get help. Please.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
MM,
I tapered successfully, too. Anattaboy was supportive and that helped. I had to taper because I was drinking too much and like you, I had similar concerns. I had lots of water and a BP monitor, thermometer and a pulse oximeter (for asthma) to monitor my vitals.
I 100 percent took the taper seriously; I stayed accountable by checking in here. I can really dedicate myself to anything if I have a fire in my belly. My motivation was to detox safely so I would never have to do it again.I haven't drank since I finished the taper. I had a year of sobriety before a 6-month relapse. The detox was miserable, even with the taper.
I felt lower than a worm, completely ashamed of myself during that time. I felt like I had no choice. I couldn't get away from drinking - it was as if I was dead already - I wanted to die.
Please take care of yourself!! We are all here for you!
I tapered successfully, too. Anattaboy was supportive and that helped. I had to taper because I was drinking too much and like you, I had similar concerns. I had lots of water and a BP monitor, thermometer and a pulse oximeter (for asthma) to monitor my vitals.
I 100 percent took the taper seriously; I stayed accountable by checking in here. I can really dedicate myself to anything if I have a fire in my belly. My motivation was to detox safely so I would never have to do it again.I haven't drank since I finished the taper. I had a year of sobriety before a 6-month relapse. The detox was miserable, even with the taper.
I felt lower than a worm, completely ashamed of myself during that time. I felt like I had no choice. I couldn't get away from drinking - it was as if I was dead already - I wanted to die.
Please take care of yourself!! We are all here for you!
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