Hevyn

26 days - something to be so proud of MM.

MarathonMan

1 month today.

Believe it or not my wife and I had an argument last night about me spending all my time out of the house. I get back from work, run, then go to a meetng, some of the meetings are 20 miles away so don't get back until 9.30pm. Eat and then go to bed. She told me last night maybe I should knock the meetings on the head and have some more family time. This is the same person who said the daily meetings were the deal breaker for me coming home.

It's a bit of a head scratcher from my point of view.

Scared1234

Your wife needs to see the big picture. You keep doing whats best for your health.

Dee74

Sometimes people, even the people we love, are not consistent MM - but we need to be...

I think you're doing the right thing, and in time I hope your wife will appreciate that?

D

Soberwolf

I second D's post

MarathonMan

Day 37 - Happy to report still sober, talked things through with my other half about be going to AA and she conceded that to stick to my original plan is the right thing to do. I worried that if I deviated then it would make it easier to change other bits of the plan eventually leading to it falling apart.

I must say that the last few days I've been romanticizing alcohol and not sure really how to put an end to that. It was my go to for every situation so when I day dream it's often there. We started talking about a first holiday for later in the year....back to a resort we really love....only problem is my view of that holiday and that resort is sitting in an open bar in the sun drinking a beer watching the football, eating some food in a restaurant and then relaxing the night away again in the bar to the early hours.

In all honesty that picture is not always the way it goes, when we there two years ago we fell out a few times (drunk) and i got a tattoo (drunk) and freaked out because it was abroad and got tested for hepatitis when I got home, got lost one night and couldn't remember where the room was(drunk) and slept on the beach. Still my brain is distorting the view and blocking those bits out.

I don't feel like I'm going to relapse currently but just wanted to put my thoughts down in to writing. I had four months a while ago and fantasizing about drinking in the sun and beer gardens etc built over time into a massive thing in my head and was what eventually lead to my relapse.

I know I have so much to loose and so little to gain so don't even understand why it crosses my mind but it still does and that niggle is starting to turn into a bit of an itch.

I'm pretty sure saying no holiday this year would be the best thing but with having a baby and dealing with my nonsense my wife has had a tough year. I think she wants the holiday to relax and give us a chance to re-connect and remind herself of how we used to be....sadly I don't think we are who we used to be though so maybe she's chasing dust in the wind. Not that we still can't be something great just maybe not the same as we were.

Thanks for reading my ramble

mystified

Does it have to be a beach holiday MM? I know it's great relaxing by the pool in the sun but you could have a getaway somewhere completely new to you all. The mountains maybe or by a lake? Create some new, sober holiday memories and reinforce your decision.

Just a thought.

Be well my friend. You are doing so well.

Hawkeye13

What about a cabin, caravan, or boat holiday where you control the food and drinks?

A resort, unless alcohol free, would not be a good plan I agree.

You're doing great MM--

RobbyRobot

Really short version: Once I became chronic with my alcoholism, I drank to feel differently. Drank to feel comfortable and relaxed. Drank to drown whatever internal hell was jamming me up. And then, of course, external circumstances became trouble enough to drink over. And from there personal relationships and responsibilities are thrown into the stew pot and so begins the slow stir back to active drinking. Nothing is to good for the stir pot.

The only way I put my love for alcohol behind me was to take responsibilities for all those times I though I was so innocent and somehow alcohol just snuck up and enslaved me. If I was having fun, how the hell was I to know it was also wrong, or going to turn wrong?

So yeah, take responsibility for your life going south even while you were drinking. The minute you start to say you don't know how to stop sweet-talking yourself into a drink is the same moment you are throwing away your responsibilities. So, you have a built in red flag which will without doubt having you taking ownership for loving the drink. The best head space to be in is completely neutral. The more you take ownership for our past love of drinking, the more you'll be at your strongest to stay sober.

I suggest using feelings as a barometer for examining how you feel about relapsing is a poor choice. Your intellect to weigh what is going on with the health of your sobriety. Since feelings and drinking go hand in hand, feelings are absolutely the last thing you ever want to use to gauge how your doing. Look at what actions you have taken. What changes you have made. Look at your successes. And yes look at your failures too. Examine yourself with an open mind and an eye towards more improvement and less struggle. Trim down the problems. Empower yourself to a better outcome daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.

It crosses your mind because drinking was such a go to solution. It's going to take effort, time, and change before thoughts of drinking become inconsequential.

The best way to scratch that alcoholic itch is to, I know, I know, take responsibility for it. You have depth, you have a life, you can surely manage to get yourself distracted enough in your sober life to not scratch that old itch with same old same old: alcoholic drinking.

You know how it works...

Do the right thing here...

Its working, so keep at it. Tweak whatever. Don't bog yourself down with questions which when you look at them are actually easy to just move past and get on with your life, yeah?

TroyW

I'm up for that. Can I come?

Really, if your wife is looking to rekindle things and get to know you again, then something like a house boating trip would be ideal. Then as others have said, you're 100% in control of the food & drink that go on board, so you won't have to worry about alcohol. Supply runs are few & far between while on a house boat, so as long as you can manage them, there's no chance of you drinking.

Dee74

Just talk to your wife MM.

Explain your concerns - I'm sure between the both of you, you can work out a safe but enjoyable holiday

you can romance all you like - as long as you never act on those daydreams.

If you fear there's any danger of you doing so, MM, maybe your recovery plan needs a little tricking out into something more robust?

D

MarathonMan

It's pretty robust now, I've done over 40 meetings in 37 days, inpatient detox, exercise every day, SR, recovery reading. Not sure of anything else I could do. I work, run, meeting, eat and bed.

No worries anyway I'm not in immediate risk of a relapse I just need to figure out in my own head how to deal with the itch. A holiday is months away so hopefully can get my thoughts straight in that time.

Dee74

I didn't say it wasn't robust MM - I said If you fear there's any danger of you relapsing maybe it needs to be more robust.

I'm not doubting your effort or commitment, but I know myself there's always something more you can do tho - even if it's just working out why there's an itch there.

If you can name it, you'll have a pretty good handle on how to deal with it

D

LBrain

congrats on 37 days and continuing in the right direction MM.

I second what others have already mentioned. Try something different and relaxing. I know if I was a baby the last thing I would want is sand in my diapers. And as Dee mentioned, always a good thing to discuss your concerns with your wife.

I would opt for a relaxing B&B or something away from it all. Just time to relax and get to know one another again.
Learn how to play cribbage and sit on a cabin porch sipping tea playing cribbage. Or just listening to the birds...

Needanewme

Congrats! I hope you are feeling much better.

MarathonMan

Hey Dee, I know what you meant my reply sounded a bit off when i re-read it but it wasn't meant like that. More what I meant is I'm doing every single thing I can think of and can't think of anything else I could do and if I could think of something not sure I'd have the time or the energy.

I know the reason for the itch, looking throug rose tinted glasses at the relationship I would have loved with alcohol and the relationship I still wish I could have with it. The Sun and holiday and the beach are just the embodiment of that contented happy relationship I would have liked. If my itch has got a name it's the "I wish it could be different" itch. That's why in my first post I mentioned that I know I'm romanticizing but don't know how to turn my thoughts around.

MarathonMan

Sounds good but I have no idea what cribbage is.......sounds like the sport they play in Harry Potter

lilac0721

Way to go on 37 days! It sounds like you are really working hard at staying sober. It is really good that you are here sharing your worries and concerns. So much great wisdom here.

Soberpotamus

It always helps me to recall what tends to happen after the first few drinks. What is the likelihood that things will turn out all peachy? Not likely The way I had to shift perspective on romantic thoughts of days past sipping my wine at X bar, or X beach, or X situation or X idyllic locations was to think of a timeline of the events likely to happen - what's probably going to happen is I'll sip a little on the first glass, take some big gulps eager to pour the second, and past the second drink I'm off to drunk land. How much time will that take? For me, less than an hour. Then it's all down to the blackout and pass-out stage. But not before the idiot stage where it's probable I'll say or do something I know I'll regret.

Is it worth on hour of a slight buzz? Do you still get a buzz? I barely got a buzz before I'd start slurring, eyes glazed over, looking drunk and claiming not to be. It was very unattractive for all those around me.

Do you want to sit, eyes glazed, over starting at a tv screen, drunk, at your holiday resort? Or would you rather be fresh, sober, energetic and exploring the locale so that you'll have some actual good memories years later?

LBrain

I taught my wife to play cribbage when we first got married. When we go on trips we take a cribbage board along, especially camping. On long flights we play on the plane - will be taking a long flight in a few weeks.

How to Play Cribbage - Bicycle® Playing Cards