last chance
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
Im wondering what friends & family would say tho ?
I come from the Friends and Family forum and stumbled upon your thread over the weekend.
My husband is close to 4 months sober. This is my perspective on the matter. I wouldn't want to give weekly urine tests to my husband. No thank you. In fact, early on, my husband suggested several ways I could check up on him so I would feel more comfortable. I refused all of them. I didn't want to live my life that way.
Best wishes to you. Build the trust in your relationship again. It's so important, and it'll mean the world to your wife.
Thank you for choosing sobriety and your family over alcohol. Stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by brightdaysahead
Hi MM - Congratulations on day 16! Excellent job. Keep on keeping on. You can do it.
I come from the Friends and Family forum and stumbled upon your thread over the weekend.
My husband is close to 4 months sober. This is my perspective on the matter. I wouldn't want to give weekly urine tests to my husband. No thank you. In fact, early on, my husband suggested several ways I could check up on him so I would feel more comfortable. I refused all of them. I didn't want to live my life that way.
Best wishes to you. Build the trust in your relationship again. It's so important, and it'll mean the world to your wife.
Thank you for choosing sobriety and your family over alcohol. Stay strong.
I come from the Friends and Family forum and stumbled upon your thread over the weekend.
My husband is close to 4 months sober. This is my perspective on the matter. I wouldn't want to give weekly urine tests to my husband. No thank you. In fact, early on, my husband suggested several ways I could check up on him so I would feel more comfortable. I refused all of them. I didn't want to live my life that way.
Best wishes to you. Build the trust in your relationship again. It's so important, and it'll mean the world to your wife.
Thank you for choosing sobriety and your family over alcohol. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Yeah, I'm from the F&F side as well and also think you did the right thing by refusing the tests, although I get where her lack of trust is coming from.
Thing is, you are working on you (YAY!!!) - and your marriage has an even better chance if she does the same for herself....and that wouldn't include the whiz quizzes.
Congratulations and keep up the good work - keep proving it!
Thing is, you are working on you (YAY!!!) - and your marriage has an even better chance if she does the same for herself....and that wouldn't include the whiz quizzes.
Congratulations and keep up the good work - keep proving it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
glad to hear you getting it done MM. I never heard of Jeremy Kyle, is that the UK version of Jerry Springer?
I would just be careful making jokes about the situation. I'm sure she is ultra sensitive to the issue. And joking about it may not be the best tactic. Just do your best man.
Staying sober and focused is what you need to bring to the table. Great job!
I would just be careful making jokes about the situation. I'm sure she is ultra sensitive to the issue. And joking about it may not be the best tactic. Just do your best man.
Staying sober and focused is what you need to bring to the table. Great job!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
L brain - yes like a uk jerry springer....they do a lot of lie detectors and that was the joke I cracked....in hindsight I agree was silly to joke but thats the type of think I do in uncomfortable situations. I have apologised when I spoke to her today and she laughed and told me im always d*ck when im cornered. I agree with you and firebolt that showing im sober and focused is the key. Ive been to AA each day since I got out of detox which ive told her. If she believes me or not ive no idea.
Anyway been a good day today, steak and chips for dinner and arranging a first fishing trip for the weekend with an old friend. Was going to run after work but could only just walk after yesterdays long run (not in the shape I once was) so dthe decided to have the day off.
Anyway been a good day today, steak and chips for dinner and arranging a first fishing trip for the weekend with an old friend. Was going to run after work but could only just walk after yesterdays long run (not in the shape I once was) so dthe decided to have the day off.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Firebolt - I also totally understand where her lack of trust comes from and unfortunately she doesnt need to do any work on herself as she is totally fantastic....that makes it hurt more that I left her with no other option than to get out, even temporarily.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Spoke to my wife this morning and she has told me to come home, she's let me know in no uncertain terms she will be keeping a close eye on me and expects me to keep up with AA every day and any hint of drinking and I'm gone and she's contacting a solicitor. She said she believes I'm not a bad person just took a wrong turn somewhere so because of that deserved one more chance. Think I'll leave this thread on that note but it has been very useful for me over the last couple of weeks to vent my spleen. Thanks for reading my little soap opera.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
great news marathon man! if you want to leave this thread behind, your choice.
I know that some folks start a thread for accountability - to themselves. and they post every day.
Besides going to meetings consider keeping a daily log on here as you continue to progress. Even if it's just a daily check in to keep yourself honest.
Glad for you.
I know that some folks start a thread for accountability - to themselves. and they post every day.
Besides going to meetings consider keeping a daily log on here as you continue to progress. Even if it's just a daily check in to keep yourself honest.
Glad for you.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Awesome news Marathon! Excellent unending opportunities to really turn things around for you, your wife, and family. And it all started because you made the hard choice to quit drinking. Keep at it. It's always the best choice going forward no matter the circumstances. Well done, friend. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,257
MM, glad to hear your news and happy to see you back on SR. :-) We were in one of the month classes together at some point, I've been struggling to get back on track this April. Keep it up!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Hi nmd, yes we were in September 14 together. Think I managed around 45 days that time. Hope you manage to get back into sobriety this month....I know how you feel though every time you try it seems to be that bit harder and feel that bit more hopeless. Maybe try a bit of AA if you're not already, I've never really been a fan but going every day currently and it does help to keep your priorities straight in your head being around others with the same struggles etc....it's amazing how many times you hear your own story being told back to you by someone else.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,257
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
Hi nmd, yes we were in September 14 together. Think I managed around 45 days that time. Hope you manage to get back into sobriety this month....I know how you feel though every time you try it seems to be that bit harder and feel that bit more hopeless. Maybe try a bit of AA if you're not already, I've never really been a fan but going every day currently and it does help to keep your priorities straight in your head being around others with the same struggles etc....it's amazing how many times you hear your own story being told back to you by someone else.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Hi All,
Just wanted to check into this thread and let everyone know that I'm now on day 26 and moving along. I've been to AA everyday, I'm not working the steps and don't think I will as they do not resonate with me in a way that makes me think it would be beneficial. I don't talk much at AA but going each day and listening to the stories, some like mine, some much worse I find therapeutic and it helps me to keep my perspective, almost like this place but even more so when you look into someones eyes while they tell there story or pour their heart out.
I have started exercising properly again and have dropped around 8lbs in the last 4 weeks. I did a longest run of 16 miles the other day and felt great to be out really pounding out those marathon training distances again. My body is screaming a bit as I'm pushing myself as fast as possible back into high miles but I tend to have a really high threshold for punishment before I get injured so not to worried.
Things seem to be pretty normal home after going back. We fell back into our normal routine with barely a whisper. I did try to talk a few times but she didn't want to and mentioned al-anon which she also had no interest in. I think the hurt I've done has run pretty deep and is just being pushed down at the minute. All I can do at the minute is prove my love through my actions. i play with my son, go to work, play with my son, go to AA, run then go to bed. That's it for me currently and I'm pretty content with that.
Had my liver tested which I'm awaiting results on. I originally wanted Antabuse which I told the doctor and got a perscription for from the alcohol unit but after sitting and staring at the box for a while I decided against it as the only way to cure me is by looking long and hard in the mirror not taking a drug that scares me out of drinking. The fear will only last so long if that is all that is my rock to hold onto.
In myself I feel good, I had to admit to my boss the truth as I needed a couple of weeks out and had no good reason due to being on fixed holidays. To be honest he took it well and has covered for me. He now takes me into his office for daily chat which while kind hearted is very uncomfortable for me.
I'm happy to report I have lost any cockiness I may have possessed with regards to my ability to control alcohol and my ability to easily quit. I know make my commitment to stay sober each morning to myself and to this forum and I look no further ahead than that.
I read a thread yesterday that really hit home to me how small my problems are, I have a good home, a good wife, a good job, my health, my fitness (my good looks
) and yet I spend all my time moaning about my life, trying to drown out issues with alcohol that in hindsight really aren't that bad. I'm thankful for that thread (although sad at it's content) as I believe it has given me a reason to count my blessings instead of letting the little things pile up on me.
Anyway have a good day all and stay strong.
Just wanted to check into this thread and let everyone know that I'm now on day 26 and moving along. I've been to AA everyday, I'm not working the steps and don't think I will as they do not resonate with me in a way that makes me think it would be beneficial. I don't talk much at AA but going each day and listening to the stories, some like mine, some much worse I find therapeutic and it helps me to keep my perspective, almost like this place but even more so when you look into someones eyes while they tell there story or pour their heart out.
I have started exercising properly again and have dropped around 8lbs in the last 4 weeks. I did a longest run of 16 miles the other day and felt great to be out really pounding out those marathon training distances again. My body is screaming a bit as I'm pushing myself as fast as possible back into high miles but I tend to have a really high threshold for punishment before I get injured so not to worried.
Things seem to be pretty normal home after going back. We fell back into our normal routine with barely a whisper. I did try to talk a few times but she didn't want to and mentioned al-anon which she also had no interest in. I think the hurt I've done has run pretty deep and is just being pushed down at the minute. All I can do at the minute is prove my love through my actions. i play with my son, go to work, play with my son, go to AA, run then go to bed. That's it for me currently and I'm pretty content with that.
Had my liver tested which I'm awaiting results on. I originally wanted Antabuse which I told the doctor and got a perscription for from the alcohol unit but after sitting and staring at the box for a while I decided against it as the only way to cure me is by looking long and hard in the mirror not taking a drug that scares me out of drinking. The fear will only last so long if that is all that is my rock to hold onto.
In myself I feel good, I had to admit to my boss the truth as I needed a couple of weeks out and had no good reason due to being on fixed holidays. To be honest he took it well and has covered for me. He now takes me into his office for daily chat which while kind hearted is very uncomfortable for me.
I'm happy to report I have lost any cockiness I may have possessed with regards to my ability to control alcohol and my ability to easily quit. I know make my commitment to stay sober each morning to myself and to this forum and I look no further ahead than that.
I read a thread yesterday that really hit home to me how small my problems are, I have a good home, a good wife, a good job, my health, my fitness (my good looks
) and yet I spend all my time moaning about my life, trying to drown out issues with alcohol that in hindsight really aren't that bad. I'm thankful for that thread (although sad at it's content) as I believe it has given me a reason to count my blessings instead of letting the little things pile up on me.Anyway have a good day all and stay strong.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
All I can do at the minute is prove my love through my actions.
Congratulations on day 26. Stay strong.
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