''...night 2 looming''
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: bradford, england
Posts: 110
''...night 2 looming''
''...night 2 looming''....all the fear that comes with a night approaching, knowing i am going to give in and drink, powerless over it.
it is now week 6. i haven't drank DURING THE WEEK for over 5 weeks-28 days exactly. i have, however, spent the weekends drinking which clocks up to around 40 hours so far. not fan-*******-tastic, i know, but an immense, massive, humongous improvement on me this time 2 months ago, or me this time 2 years ago. or even me this time 12 years ago.
i have made a chart spanning 3 months (quote: ''it only takes 3 months to change your mindset and therefore your life'') and i am ticking/crossing the days as i go along. it ends on 23rd may, at which point i will decide whether i feel i can continue with this plan. if not, i will make a new 3 month chart of 'not drinking at all, ever', and when that is done, my drinking days will be over.
i'm putting off dieting (going-all-out-dieting anyway) until the chart is done, then a 3 month chart to lose 3 stone-i have done it before and i can damn well do it again! can't wait. (in fact, since cutting down (tremendously) on the beer, i have lost half a stone without trying. i have also inexplicably and unconsciously cut down on my smoking. so that's motivation, right there.)
i think about beer about 3 times a week (by which i mean it crosses my mind in some way-maybe i am reading a book and it mentions beer or someone on TV is drinking-and i think of beer for all of 3 seconds before stating 'no! not happening!' and moving my thoughts along). other than that, absolutely no cravings whatsoever. bought lots of puzzles, bought TONNES of books, sleeping in a little, letting the kids stay up later, getting stuck into tasks-planning a holiday! ooh, a birthday!! easter approaching!!! ****this is magic, right here: NEVER HAVING A GOOD DAY!=no reason to celebrate with a beer; NEVER HAVING A BAD DAY!=no reason to de-stress with a beer.****
during the first 2 weeks i would say to my partner every day 'no beer last night!', but i don't do that any more. it feels normal. (normal-fun, not normal-boring.)
crying more than i used to. staring into space a lot. thinking of old friends, reliving painful memories. feeling numb and ethereal and almost drunk-like with soberness sometimes.
i DO look forward to the weekend, i admit it. i am a full time mum, i home educate my 3 young kids, my partner works long hours and i have no friends or family nearby to help out-i never, EVER get time away from my kids (arrggghhhhhhh!) so, yeah, the weekend is a great time to let all the responsibility fall to my partner. problem is that....well, they're my KIDS.....i don't know how to just 'hand over' their safety and well-being to someone else (i kinda only trust myself with that job). the only way i have found to let go of the controls is to drink and allow my partner to simply take over during that time. it also allows me to have a bit of fun, unwind and forget about the worries that keep me up every other night.
anyway, just thought i would let you know. i may as well use the site since i am on it. i'm still proud. i'm doing well. better than i ever imagined i could.
and i promise, no more questions from me, okay? thanks for reading.
it is now week 6. i haven't drank DURING THE WEEK for over 5 weeks-28 days exactly. i have, however, spent the weekends drinking which clocks up to around 40 hours so far. not fan-*******-tastic, i know, but an immense, massive, humongous improvement on me this time 2 months ago, or me this time 2 years ago. or even me this time 12 years ago.
i have made a chart spanning 3 months (quote: ''it only takes 3 months to change your mindset and therefore your life'') and i am ticking/crossing the days as i go along. it ends on 23rd may, at which point i will decide whether i feel i can continue with this plan. if not, i will make a new 3 month chart of 'not drinking at all, ever', and when that is done, my drinking days will be over.
i'm putting off dieting (going-all-out-dieting anyway) until the chart is done, then a 3 month chart to lose 3 stone-i have done it before and i can damn well do it again! can't wait. (in fact, since cutting down (tremendously) on the beer, i have lost half a stone without trying. i have also inexplicably and unconsciously cut down on my smoking. so that's motivation, right there.)
i think about beer about 3 times a week (by which i mean it crosses my mind in some way-maybe i am reading a book and it mentions beer or someone on TV is drinking-and i think of beer for all of 3 seconds before stating 'no! not happening!' and moving my thoughts along). other than that, absolutely no cravings whatsoever. bought lots of puzzles, bought TONNES of books, sleeping in a little, letting the kids stay up later, getting stuck into tasks-planning a holiday! ooh, a birthday!! easter approaching!!! ****this is magic, right here: NEVER HAVING A GOOD DAY!=no reason to celebrate with a beer; NEVER HAVING A BAD DAY!=no reason to de-stress with a beer.****
during the first 2 weeks i would say to my partner every day 'no beer last night!', but i don't do that any more. it feels normal. (normal-fun, not normal-boring.)
crying more than i used to. staring into space a lot. thinking of old friends, reliving painful memories. feeling numb and ethereal and almost drunk-like with soberness sometimes.
i DO look forward to the weekend, i admit it. i am a full time mum, i home educate my 3 young kids, my partner works long hours and i have no friends or family nearby to help out-i never, EVER get time away from my kids (arrggghhhhhhh!) so, yeah, the weekend is a great time to let all the responsibility fall to my partner. problem is that....well, they're my KIDS.....i don't know how to just 'hand over' their safety and well-being to someone else (i kinda only trust myself with that job). the only way i have found to let go of the controls is to drink and allow my partner to simply take over during that time. it also allows me to have a bit of fun, unwind and forget about the worries that keep me up every other night.
anyway, just thought i would let you know. i may as well use the site since i am on it. i'm still proud. i'm doing well. better than i ever imagined i could.
and i promise, no more questions from me, okay? thanks for reading.
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Originally Posted by smadams11 
all the fear that comes with a night approaching, knowing i am going to give in and drink, powerless over it.
Glad you are here! Keep posting.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
I think it's the great dream of everyone here to be able to pull off being only a 'weekend warrior'.
I know I couldn't do it. Tried for a decade or more.
Are you drinking all out on the weekends, or can you manage not to?
D
I know I couldn't do it. Tried for a decade or more.
Are you drinking all out on the weekends, or can you manage not to?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: bradford, england
Posts: 110
during the week my tolerance goes down so on the friday i can't manage much, on the saturday i can take a little more. haven't gone all out though-there is no point in giving it up during the week if i drink my own body weight at the weekend.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
I notice you didn't give me any details on how much you drink...but ok...it doesn't really matter.
It's your call.
If this weekend only thing is what you were aiming for I hope you can maintain it, sm
Keep in mind tho that many of us have tried and failed.
You won't get many votes of confidence for what you're doing here - not because we're nasty or brainwashed to one idea of recovery or anything like that...
it's just because most of us have been there, and tried that, and found ourselves back at square one before too long.
D
It's your call.
If this weekend only thing is what you were aiming for I hope you can maintain it, sm
Keep in mind tho that many of us have tried and failed.
You won't get many votes of confidence for what you're doing here - not because we're nasty or brainwashed to one idea of recovery or anything like that...
it's just because most of us have been there, and tried that, and found ourselves back at square one before too long.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: bradford, england
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by Dee74
I notice you didn't give me any details on how much you drink...but ok...it doesn't really matter.
It's your call.
If this weekend only thing is what you were aiming for I hope you can maintain it, sm
Keep in mind tho that many of us have tried and failed.
You won't get many votes of confidence for what you're doing here - not because we're nasty or brainwashed to one idea of recovery or anything like that...
it's just because most of us have been there, and tried that, and found ourselves back at square one before too long.
D
It's your call.
If this weekend only thing is what you were aiming for I hope you can maintain it, sm
Keep in mind tho that many of us have tried and failed.
You won't get many votes of confidence for what you're doing here - not because we're nasty or brainwashed to one idea of recovery or anything like that...
it's just because most of us have been there, and tried that, and found ourselves back at square one before too long.
D
i know what you're saying and it may not work out for me but its the best i have ever done so i will keep going. i usually snowball when i go for something-it gets me more and more determined and the guilt at even thinking of going back to before is more than enough to stop me doing it. here's hoping!
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