vendetta

Hello all,

Wanted to bring up excuses that I always have for seeking help with alcohol. I would like to have input on how other alcoholics feel about making excuses.

I have considered outpatient rehab but I've always said I can't because I have to take care of my dog. I had to put my dog down this past weekend. that was an excuse to drink even more. Second hardest thing I've ever done.

Now I still don't want to do it.

I have read books and watched movies about real people overcoming amazing things. Then I say to myself I don't need help I just need to overcome.

The biggest excuse though is probably the one I never really tell myself. That's if I ask for help or seek help then I have failed. My brain can't can't handle that. So I bury it.

Thank you to everyone.

Della1968

I really like outpatient. I do think you only get out what you put in though. I was finally ready to do the work this time. I am very sorry about your dog. It's always heartbreaking.

Ornithology

Vendetta, sorry about you dog. I've been there and it is hard to say goodbye to your best friend.

As for excuses to not stop drinking, I was able to invent new ones for decades. I can send you my list of excuses, but it sounds like you may have got them already.
It really comes down to you deciding it is time to stop. No drama, just some determination on your part and some support which you will find in these forums is all that is needed to stop.

fini

so sorry about your dog dying, vendetta. yes, i've been there too.

as far as the buried biggest excuse: it just crept out of interment.
you need to bury deeper if you really don't want to see it.

so i'm thinking you know already. and your brain CAN handle it. i never asked for help because it would be admitting i couldn't do it (duh; i get where you're at, vendetta). but really, after thirty years of drinking and a gazillion tries to stop, that was kind of obvious...but i digress.
another reason i didn't ask for help is because i didn't like the help i thought was "out there".

another reason was that i thought maybe i was beyond help anyway.

but really....i also still kinda sorta wanted to drink even when i didn't want to.

right.

going to a sobriety forum is asking for help. connecting with others is saying i can't/don't want to do this alone. saying i self-create excuses and am bringing it up in a post is saying help me even though i didn't outright ask you all....

anyway, just guessing here. if you ask, the help may not be exactly how you'd like it. but it IS there. you can get past any excuse you create.
if that's tough for you, maybe check out AVRT in the secular section if you haven't already.

thomas11

Hi Vendetta, sorry to hear about your dog, I've done that, its horrible.

Excuses are self created, that's why they are called excuses. If they were real it would be called a reason.

I come up with a couple good ones every weekend. Its ridiculous. That is why I am here.

dwtbd

AVRT was help in a form I didn't expect. If you haven't already check into it.
I didn't want to look for help, for along time, partly because not seeking it kept me where I was. Thought it was my own little invention, but now I see evidence that it may be just part of human nature.
Wish you well

ZHIK

Sorry about your dog.

I will be very blunt here because that is what I do. Drinking because of that is an excuse. I had a cat who I loved very much and had to put down. I wasn't an alcoholic then and didn't drink.

That makes it come down to excuses vs reasons. A reason is justified. If there was a reason for me to drink after my cat died, I would have.

The tricky part is, people fool themselves. They take excuses and rationalize them into reasons. Stop that.

Is it an excuse or a reason? The simple test is: is it actually necessary? No will be the answer, unless, for example, for a medical procedure, alcohol needs to be used.

If you think drinking is justified, you can safely assume you are wrong. A reason would be if someone put a gun to your head and made you do it. That is normally not the case.

Learn to see the difference between reasons and excuses. In general. You'll be surprised how freeing it is.

vendetta

fini, you nailed it. I don't want to admit I can't do it. And I agree I don't think the "help out there" can help me.

And yes I still drink even when i don't want to.

Yes I am asking for help without asking for it.

I don't know what AVRT is in the secular forum.

I do however think that my addiction is more psychological than physical. And I don't find alot of info to help with that.

biminiblue

Addiction often starts because the substance of choice helps to cope with some trauma or unpleasant life event. It allows us to not deal with the actual problem.

The only way to heal from the trauma is to stop drinking. The alcohol kept me in a perpetual state of not-healing; and it added to my depression surrounding the events that continued to go on.

Only way to get over psychological trauma is to be sober. Otherwise it's just all stuffed down and not dealt with. Addiction is a fatal way to procrastinate.

vendetta

ZHIK, I honestly thought I was analytical. But reading your post says I'm not.

ZHIK

This.

This is so true. Alcohol numbs, not heals.

What I learned is to grow a pair and grow a spine and face the bad stuff. Then I realized that the best part about the past is that it's over. It doesn't exist. Your response to it can be helpful.

Btw, the past is the micro-moment before this one. Even the slightest experience of time is an experience of something that doesn't exist. And the future doesn't exist yet. No reason to let the past determine your future. Even radically.

These moments are gone. Nothing exists yet. Be free.

ZHIK

I'm not very analytical. I'm into experience.

vendetta

So on the opposite side what are the excuses to stop drinking. Beyond the obvious that we have discussed.

biminiblue

Excuse = I don't want to quit drinking because I like being sick, broke, lonely, & smelly.



Because the rationalization you used above serves no one but your addiction. Start looking for reasons to quit, not excuses.

ZHIK

If you use excuses to stop drinking, you'll find it won't work very well. I've been there. It's where you endlessly try to explain to yourself why you shouldn't.

If you have just one good reason, for example. it's better for your kid, you have a solid basis. There are many good reasons. They don't need to be about someone else, it can be for you. If I keep drinking, it will kill me. That is a good reason to quit. Unless you want to look in the mirror one day and notice that your skin looks kind of yellow. Whoops.

Base it on reasons. Excuses are just stories you tell yourself. Reasons are sold and real.

vendetta

I agree alcohol numbs not heals. I love your look on things. "Even radical" I think my addiction is mostly psychological.

EndGameNYC

The moment you think this, the future has already become the past.

But so what?

We manufacture excuses out of whatever is available to us in every case. Illness, death and loss of every kind. We've all used them, thought about them and gift-wrapped them for others to use as they see fit.

As human beings, there are thousands of ways that we lie to ourselves, and we never tire of manufacturing new methods of self-deception.

It isn't your mind that cannot accept help because of what that means to you; it's your pride.

Sisterbobby

I think we/people in general make-up excuses for things we do not want to do, not just alcoholics. You simply don't want to do outpatient rehab at this time. There is nothing wrong with that, but you are here now, use SR, its open 24/7, what else can you ask for

ZHIK are you watching way too many cowboy movies? JK

bigsombrero

I was basically wheeled into inpatient on a stretcher after suffering withdrawal seizures 3 separate times...and even THEN I thought "these people are crazy, I don't need this kind of help!"

I realize now that if I wouldn't have sought and/or received help, I'd be in a lot worse shape today instead of living a life that I currently enjoy. I had tons of excuses as well. I was an "independent person" and thus inpatient would be a bad fit. I needed to get back to my daily routine and shape up, rehab would put a dent in those plans, etc, etc, etc. Our "excuses" range from complete denial to outlandish claims that are outright insane. It's all a bunch of horse-dookie.

Admitting yourself to a treatment center shows that you indeed to have some intelligence left in you! The fact that you're considering it is a great sign. Accept help. Grab that hand that is reaching out to you as you are sinking in deep water. Get to that buoy. You'll be so glad when you are back on dry land that you didn't try to swim across the ocean without a boat.

dwtbd

What part of addiction would not be psychological? Physical dependence on alcohol, biologically, can /does provide feedback that reinforces our psychological response to continuing active addiction. How do you see the difference ?