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Old 03-30-2015, 05:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I miss my friend - drinking


Just over 60 days now sober and am really struggling ... I guess alcohol became kind of a friend, a way to "comfort" myself after a hard day, or after an easy day etc... I miss having that friend/comfort ... I can't seem to find another way to get that feeling ... anyone else had to deal with this and overcame it somehow? It's like I have nothing to look forward to now and life is just flatline

thanks
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Old 03-30-2015, 05:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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What is your sobriety program? I'm not talking about an AA program, just your day to day plans. Have you changed your routine since quitting? Adding different things to how you go about your day?
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Old 03-30-2015, 05:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Bluhend. I'm at the same stage in recovery as you - day 63 here.

I'm trying to force myself to go out and do things. Never did that in the past.

Also talking to people more and trying to be more sociable.

It's hard isn't it?
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Old 03-30-2015, 05:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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But drinking isn't really your friend. It takes everything from you and leaves you miserable.

It will get better.
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Old 03-30-2015, 05:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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It's the friend that betrays you and becomes your enemy.

But get a grip. It's not a friend. It's never been a friend.

What about you makes it so you see it as a friend?
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I know that loss , I was loathe to give it up. Now I realise it will kill you or make you insane.
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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this is what I replied to you in another thread bluhend:

well bluhend, I hope you don't allow these feelings to take you down. It will get better with time. Some of us take longer than others. Have you been doing anything to put some positivity into your life?

If we just stop drinking and do nothing else, or focus on the negative, we may not get that joy we so desire. It takes a little bit of work on our part to help change things around.


Welcome to the forum. Give it a chance to work. But also help it along.
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Btw, you're romantizing alcohol.

And btw, I'm not the person who tip toes around the issue. I am direct. Because the direct approach worked for me. That does not mean it doesn't come from a place of compassion and wanting to help though.

But bluhend, get this stupid idea out of your head. It's just a bump in the road of your sobriety. Really, is alcohol really your friend? If so, convince me of it.
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Like any toxic relationship, there's going to be a tug of war of emotions there for a while.

You deserve better friends tho - being sober will help you find them

what else are you changing in your life besides just not drinking?

D
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Alcohol was not a very nice friend.
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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What hobbies did you have before drinking ?
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I would never allow a friend to treat me the way alcohol did nor steal everything from me.
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What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
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That is the hard part Bluhend. Alcohol is also a burden after so long because we see how it doesn't help us very much. I recommend exercise which works well for many people or try opening up to meditation to let go of some of lifes stress. Sober recovery chat is helpful to relate with other people going through similar experiences. The longer you stay sober the clearer certain things become : )

Good luck and thanks for sharing
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Bluhed, honest question. What part of alcohol do you think is your friend?

P.S. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...headaches.html
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluhend View Post
Just over 60 days now sober and am really struggling ... I guess alcohol became kind of a friend, a way to "comfort" myself after a hard day, or after an easy day etc... I miss having that friend/comfort ... I can't seem to find another way to get that feeling ... anyone else had to deal with this and overcame it somehow? It's like I have nothing to look forward to now and life is just flatline thanks
It sounds like you need to find something that makes you happy to fill that void. What do you enjoy doing, Bluhend? I look forward to each Sunday where I mark another week sober and celebrate with milkshakes. I look forward to my lunch breaks where I can read and post on SR where people truly understand the struggle. When I get home, I look forward to watching an episode of my favorite show and not re-watching the same episode because I was too drunk to pay attention the first time.

What makes you happy, Bluhend? What have you been doing for fun the last 60 days?

I hope you're feeling better!
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Old 03-30-2015, 07:14 PM   #16 (permalink)
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hi everybody, thanks for all your posts, I think people are getting hung up on my use of the word "friend" ... maybe it's more of the COMFORT of drinking, I don't know if people know what I'm talking about but somehow it was some kind of weird REFUGE .. can anyone relate to that?
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Old 03-30-2015, 07:18 PM   #17 (permalink)
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To me there is that sweet spot when drinking that lasts about 2 hours, maybe longer. Then its at least 24 hrs of crap. It is that 2 hour sweet spot that has had its hooks in me for awhile. But yes, I can relate.
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Old 03-30-2015, 07:24 PM   #18 (permalink)
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thanks, for example, I just found out I have to go out of town for work for 5 days tomorrow, normally I'd be excited because I could have my bottle of wine and get in bed and watch tv, now it's like - nothing to look forward to, no pleasure, no comfort, etc.. no RELIEF from life, maybe that's what I'm trying to say - that sense of RELIEF from life it gives, having a hard time finding any healthy replacement which makes being sober just feel like a JOB, like something you are supposed to do, like eating brocolli
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Old 03-30-2015, 07:25 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I got to the point where the discomfort of drinking far outweighed the comfort drinking gave me. I too used it as comfort but it ended up making me so uncomfortable.
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Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 03-30-2015, 07:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Yes, of course. Alcohol provided an ahhh to that - restless, irritable and discontent. This is classic of alcoholism. In fact it is directly out of the big book.


Having to use a drug to relax, unwind etc is what addicts do. You are in good company.
As we gain sober time we develop ways to enjoy leisure time that give us peace without drinking.

Catch the sober buzz! Once you do you won't want to give it back !!
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