I miss my friend - drinking
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I read a lot on this site about people who have gotten some time under their belt starting to deal with emotions that were suppressed for so long by alcohol. I may be wrong, but it sounds like that might be similar to your situation. Unwinding at the end of a day in a hotel room and getting to that sweet spot. Now, without doing it, you'll have to find something to fill that void and occupy your mind and your thoughts without the aid of alcohol.
Today I started putting together a plan to fill that void. For me its weekends. I have ideas, but I just know its going to hard. Really hard.
Today I started putting together a plan to fill that void. For me its weekends. I have ideas, but I just know its going to hard. Really hard.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 69
hi everybody, thanks for all your posts, I think people are getting hung up on my use of the word "friend" ... maybe it's more of the COMFORT of drinking, I don't know if people know what I'm talking about but somehow it was some kind of weird REFUGE .. can anyone relate to that?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 69
Now enjoy it.
Hi Bluhend,
I was the same as you at around 60 days.
The constant struggle and feeling that my life was completely lacking without my 'friend' alcohol just wore me down to the point where I did take a drink
I was hoping to get to the place where drink had previously taken me - where at least for a few hours I could forget about all my problems. Instead I just felt incredibly stupid for undoing all the good work I'd put in over the previous weeks. There was just no enjoyment in it any more.
Please don't repeat my mistake. Although I did manage to get sober straight away it took me a long time to come to terms with it. Since then I've managed to focus much more on the benefits of being sober,there are a lot!
As I get further away from my drinking days its easier to see what an awful existence I was living, all due to my 'friend' the booze!
Something that I heard over and over again was that it will get easier. At 60 days I was getting so frustrated that things felt even harder at times. But stick at it. Its all true - it really does
I was the same as you at around 60 days.
The constant struggle and feeling that my life was completely lacking without my 'friend' alcohol just wore me down to the point where I did take a drink
I was hoping to get to the place where drink had previously taken me - where at least for a few hours I could forget about all my problems. Instead I just felt incredibly stupid for undoing all the good work I'd put in over the previous weeks. There was just no enjoyment in it any more.
Please don't repeat my mistake. Although I did manage to get sober straight away it took me a long time to come to terms with it. Since then I've managed to focus much more on the benefits of being sober,there are a lot!
As I get further away from my drinking days its easier to see what an awful existence I was living, all due to my 'friend' the booze!
Something that I heard over and over again was that it will get easier. At 60 days I was getting so frustrated that things felt even harder at times. But stick at it. Its all true - it really does
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 69
I read a lot on this site about people who have gotten some time under their belt starting to deal with emotions that were suppressed for so long by alcohol. I may be wrong, but it sounds like that might be similar to your situation. Unwinding at the end of a day in a hotel room and getting to that sweet spot. Now, without doing it, you'll have to find something to fill that void and occupy your mind and your thoughts without the aid of alcohol.
Today I started putting together a plan to fill that void. For me its weekends. I have ideas, but I just know its going to hard. Really hard.
Today I started putting together a plan to fill that void. For me its weekends. I have ideas, but I just know its going to hard. Really hard.
I will admit that I do miss parts of it. But the negatives from it, especially the hangovers, just became way way too much. I was also killing myself pretty quickly and had been diagnosed as such.
I'll bet some of the men who beat or murder their wives are great in bed. That's how I look at alcohol now.
I'll bet some of the men who beat or murder their wives are great in bed. That's how I look at alcohol now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 801
B- I can relate. For me, I'd gotten tired of people and drinking was just easier ... But I agree with the comments about us needing to be intentional to fill that void with something that will actually fill it - not make it bigger.
Hey Bluhend
I used to have this ritual where I'd jog/run to the liquor store and buy 500ml of Bacardi and some cheap coke. Then I'd arrive home, joyously swing into my bedroom where I'd set up all my additional drinking paraphernalia: tumbler glass, iPhone speakers, lighter, cigarettes.
Then I'd close the door, slide down the back of it and rush to get the caps off each of the bottles, pour about 3/4 standard measures into the tumbler, and top it up with a few splashes of cheap coke. Then I'd take a large swig, the alcohol would invade my bloodstream, and suddenly the tension in my shoulders would simply evaporate...
Two hours later, I'd be texting everyone I knew to come to a bar with me 'just for a couple.' This would usually be at about 10-10.30pm on a weeknight, when most pubs are closed at 11pm. Failing that, I'd invite ex-girlfriends round 'just to chat' or send one of them a long-winded e-mail about how we shouldn't have broken up. Or I'd just lie in bed and submit to the depression, and cry.
These things now make me shudder. We need to see past the false comfort blanket that alcohol offers. I'm at the beginning of my journey, so I'll report back when I find some useful relaxation techniques, but so far, lifting heavy/running has worked for me to an extent.
I hope you develop some new strategies
I used to have this ritual where I'd jog/run to the liquor store and buy 500ml of Bacardi and some cheap coke. Then I'd arrive home, joyously swing into my bedroom where I'd set up all my additional drinking paraphernalia: tumbler glass, iPhone speakers, lighter, cigarettes.
Then I'd close the door, slide down the back of it and rush to get the caps off each of the bottles, pour about 3/4 standard measures into the tumbler, and top it up with a few splashes of cheap coke. Then I'd take a large swig, the alcohol would invade my bloodstream, and suddenly the tension in my shoulders would simply evaporate...
Two hours later, I'd be texting everyone I knew to come to a bar with me 'just for a couple.' This would usually be at about 10-10.30pm on a weeknight, when most pubs are closed at 11pm. Failing that, I'd invite ex-girlfriends round 'just to chat' or send one of them a long-winded e-mail about how we shouldn't have broken up. Or I'd just lie in bed and submit to the depression, and cry.
These things now make me shudder. We need to see past the false comfort blanket that alcohol offers. I'm at the beginning of my journey, so I'll report back when I find some useful relaxation techniques, but so far, lifting heavy/running has worked for me to an extent.
I hope you develop some new strategies
yes, i believe we all get it. I walk by my old X friends Jose, Mark, Jack, Jim...almost every time I go to the store. Just because I stopped drinking does not mean my life's routine has stopped. I still relax in the backyard, still have stressful days at work, still go visit friends, go to parties and i'm still bombarded with that feeling that something is missing. change is hard, but it does get easier
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 21
I sought comfort in alcohol. I have anxiety and have had several unhealthy relationships with guys in my past. This last year has been me burying my feelings in alcohol and suffering the consequences. I know what you mean by "friend"; It worked as a temporary pause on life's problems until it became another one to add to the list.
Okay time to revive the goodbye letter to your "good" friend.
What you are feeling is normal and most of us go thru it. I definitely felt like I lost my best friend when I quit drinking. And I mourned it and went thru the whole grieving process. In fact I spend quite a few nights crying cause I couldn't drink. It is not uncommon to go thru this process.
Go to this thread here and read some of the letters that people have written saying good-bye to their "good" friend who really ended up being that bad friend that you should have kicked the curb a long time ago. Feel free to add your own letters as it really is therapeutic. Reading these letters will show you that many of us feel the way you are feeling. And you will get over it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/..._________.html
What you are feeling is normal and most of us go thru it. I definitely felt like I lost my best friend when I quit drinking. And I mourned it and went thru the whole grieving process. In fact I spend quite a few nights crying cause I couldn't drink. It is not uncommon to go thru this process.
Go to this thread here and read some of the letters that people have written saying good-bye to their "good" friend who really ended up being that bad friend that you should have kicked the curb a long time ago. Feel free to add your own letters as it really is therapeutic. Reading these letters will show you that many of us feel the way you are feeling. And you will get over it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/..._________.html
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 97
I understand too. I just had a friend (a girl who likes to drink but nothing like me) cancel our weekend holiday to a fun city this year. She was all gung ho before I told her I'm getting sober, and when I told her she was supportive but not 24 hours later she got in touch and suddenly had money problems and alas, couldn't go on our trip anymore. I guess I understand, but it hurts.
Bluhend,
I sure know how you feel. I have relapsed many times. This time getting sober feels different because I gave myself time to mourn alcohol and the sad, old me. Most of all, I joined this wonderful online community.
ZHIK, Thomas is married. Take it easy on Bluhend. She/he is being honest and sharing those feelings openly. I believe that type of honesty and expression is what leads to self-confidence and sobriety. I quashed feelings my whole life and it led to unhealthy ways of coping.
Kafka and Another are right. Exercise and hobbies help; you so much time now that you are not drinking to follow your dreams
I am a little over 2 weeks sober. Congratulations on two months; you should be proud of yourself.
I sure know how you feel. I have relapsed many times. This time getting sober feels different because I gave myself time to mourn alcohol and the sad, old me. Most of all, I joined this wonderful online community.
ZHIK, Thomas is married. Take it easy on Bluhend. She/he is being honest and sharing those feelings openly. I believe that type of honesty and expression is what leads to self-confidence and sobriety. I quashed feelings my whole life and it led to unhealthy ways of coping.
Kafka and Another are right. Exercise and hobbies help; you so much time now that you are not drinking to follow your dreams
I am a little over 2 weeks sober. Congratulations on two months; you should be proud of yourself.
thanks, for example, I just found out I have to go out of town for work for 5 days tomorrow, normally I'd be excited because I could have my bottle of wine and get in bed and watch tv, now it's like - nothing to look forward to, no pleasure, no comfort, etc.. no RELIEF from life, maybe that's what I'm trying to say - that sense of RELIEF from life it gives, having a hard time finding any healthy replacement which makes being sober just feel like a JOB, like something you are supposed to do, like eating brocolli
It's mostly fear driven tho and it's without basis
I get lots of respite - I play my guitar, I watch a funny movie, I buy myself a treat, I take a walk or do some kind of exercise.
Others use meditation or chant mantras.
None of these are as instant as alcohol...but all of them are far more effective, with a little practice.
hi everybody, thanks for all your posts, I think people are getting hung up on my use of the word "friend" ... maybe it's more of the COMFORT of drinking, I don't know if people know what I'm talking about but somehow it was some kind of weird REFUGE .. can anyone relate to that?
It's not that no one here understands how you feel - we're just trying to share with you other things that have worked for us
Alcohol was my constant companion for the best part of a decade - I drank morning til bedtime.
It was one of the longest relationships I had in my life.
I felt a loss sure - you can miss things about even the most toxic relationship...
but I moved on...I wanted change.
you can too - I promise
D
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