Why I Couldn't "Do it Alone"
 

This is why I tried but failed to recover from alcoholism, by “going it alone”. As my previous threads have sometimes indicated, the closest analogy I know is rock climbing. I am no rock climber but I have always been interested in, and fond of, mountains. And I have visited one, known as the Eiger, a few miles south of the little town of Interlaken in the Swiss alps. One takes a little cog railway which circuitously goes up into the mountains and finally arrives at the little town of Kleinescheidegg. Towering overhead is the Eiger, its North Face a vertical expanse of sheer rock. For years it has been a favorite challenge to climbers. It is said that in a few places one may come upon a frayed rope, still attached to a piton, where, during the Nazi years, a climber may have fallen to his death in a failed attempt to prove his macho charisma, perhaps even trying to “go it alone”. Many books have been written about it, as well as one best selling movie, “The Eiger Sanction”, featuring Clint Eastwood and George Kennedy.
I found that my recovery from alcoholism was a little like that. For forty years I tried to “go it alone”, reading books and, from time to time. seeking advice from “counselors”. I never sought the help of other recovering alcoholics. I sought to “learn” about alcoholism by reading and talking to persons who said they knew how it was done. From time to time I failed. I fell off the cliff, sometimes endangering the lives of others when I attempted to drive under the influence. No one died or was hurt. But it could have happened.
There are a few differences between the Eiger and my recovery. Although, near the top of the Eiger, there is a ridge of snow where the climbing is easier and far less hazardous, this is only a small part of the climb, which is largely vertical rock face. I found that, although the earlier stages of my recovery were difficult and hazardous, my snowy ridge began much sooner, and as I proceeded, the climb became less steep, less risky. Near the top it tended to level out, the sun was shining and my life became happy. I looked back at the way I had come and I realized that, through all those forty years, I should never have tried to “do it alone”. Books and counselors were not enough. I needed to rope up with other recovering alcoholics who had become more expert than I, more expert at actually “doing it” rather than talking about it, “advising” me. They were my “higher power”. If I had tried to climb by myself no other “higher power” could have saved me, no God, no feeling of being “one with the universe”, no “Tao”, nothing. I needed the help of others, I needed ropes, crampons, pitons, and all the paraphernalia of modern rock climbing. And, as I climbed with others, the ascent became easier, the way smoother. I did not endanger myself or others, who may have stood watching below.
Can you climb from alcoholism alone? The choice is yours. I couldn’t. In retrospect I was wrong even to try.
(You can Google “Eiger” to see it. You can even see a brief movie of a real expert accomplishing a “speed climb” and “going it alone”. A far cry from the “old days” of climbing!)

W

Fantastic post!! :scoregood

I'm a climber and a sober member of AA. AA and climbing mountains are my two private passions.

As much as anyone learns or achieves anything with complete independence, one could "learn the ropes" of climbing/mountaineering alone, but significant risk accompanies the trials and errors of that type of education. I've learned how to navigate the mountains and my sobriety with the help of experienced guides... in both cases, I've probably been spared considerable pain.

An aside, Reinhold Messner, and other mountaineers (like Ueli Steck, who you alluded to) have been free soloing mountains like the Eiger and the 8,000 M peaks in the Himalaya and Karakoram since the mid-70's... Free soloing (without oxygen, or fixed ropes) and climbing mountains alpine style (unaided by porters/sherpa, without fixed ropes, usually without oxygen), has always been risky and the more heinous the ascent, the greater the risk of serious injury/death. In the old days, we had crappy climbing tools and bad clothing and 200 man expeditions... no thank you!

Great post!

Beautiful post, W. I guess SR is my "higher power". Every time I get down or frustrated I come here to help or be helped; they're really two sides of the same coin.

Gorgeous mountain by the way, the Eiger. I did google it, very impressive!

P.S. Certain mountains seem to me to have a numinous quality, that is an unearthly mysterious presence. In Switzerland there is of course the Matterhorn. In Nepal there is a lesser known one, Machapuchare, in the Annapurna region, considered so sacred that climbing it is now prohibited. In addition, there are two others: Annapurna itself and K-2, the latter a particularly challenging climb. To many in Nepal, these are their "Higher Power".
I sense the same thing in Hubble telescope photographs of certain nebulae and galaxies. These mountains and astronomical bodies can all be googled.

W.

I agree wpainterw

Volcanoes also, Soberwolf. Combining beauty with incredible danger. See for example, two erupting right now, Colima, west of Mexico City and Popocatapetyle. You can get movies of both by googling.

W.

I love volcanos thanks wpainterw

WPainter, in some sense, your choice of metaphor of climbing a mountain to describe your sobriety pursuit suggested your support model. Would you agree with that?

What if one were to decide or experience that achieving and maintaining sobriety weren't anything at all like summitting the Eiger?

I appreciate you placed a caveat in your narrative that this is only your experience, but you still stuck with the whole concept of a climb. This may not describe others' experience in any sense. For example, unlocking a door or solving a puzzle might be a more accurate comparison.

Thanks for sharing, WPainterW. I enjoyed reading about your climbing experience.

I often use the metaphor of climbing out of a hole back to the sun.

I needed to make that 'climb' - I learned a lot of things on the journey :)

D

I have no experience in actual mountain climbing nor intend to have any. The particular metaphor isn't important. What's important is what works for the individual. What's important is sobriety. I have had that experience.

W.

Freshstart57: The only problem I have with various approaches to recovery from alcoholism is if persons following an approach maintain that their approach is exclusive or that other approaches are ineffective or harmful. I believe that there are many possible paths, each with its strengths and weaknesses, that some approaches work better for some folks than other approaches and that it is possible to be eclectic. Possible that is for me, perhaps not for others who may feel more comfortable and safer with one standard approach. At the end of the day, the only really important thing is sobriety. Again, perhaps not important to some but vitally important for me.

W.

Thanks painter! I couldn't do it alone either. I know very few people that can. Love the post!

Thanks everyone. And do have a happy holiday.

W.