90 in 90?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
90 in 90?
I was just curious as to other people's experiences with doing the AA 90 Meetings in 90 Days. I have relapsed (again) and this is the one thing I have not yet tried.
Did you really feel it was essential in early sobriety? I am starting to think this may be my one last hope.
I have resisted doing it thus far for a bunch of stupid reasons, including the fact that several people close to me in the program told me (in the beginning) that they didn't see 90 in 90 as being necessary, because that was not something that was outlined in Bill W.'s original program. Since the founders didn't do it, it wasn't necessary for others to do it.
I believe I took this as an excuse and ran with it.
The AA's telling me not to worry about the 90 in 90 all went through treatment, and in every case that treatment was at least 90 days (or longer). So them saying they didn't personally do it/didn't find it helpful may not be taking into account the fact that they had their own version of 90 in 90...that is, they were, in fact, going to meetings every day for the first 90 days because they were doing it in treatment.
My head is just so messed up right now, and I'm terrified I'm going to relapse. Can anyone share some insight into how the 90 in 90 worked for them?
Did you really feel it was essential in early sobriety? I am starting to think this may be my one last hope.
I have resisted doing it thus far for a bunch of stupid reasons, including the fact that several people close to me in the program told me (in the beginning) that they didn't see 90 in 90 as being necessary, because that was not something that was outlined in Bill W.'s original program. Since the founders didn't do it, it wasn't necessary for others to do it.
I believe I took this as an excuse and ran with it.
The AA's telling me not to worry about the 90 in 90 all went through treatment, and in every case that treatment was at least 90 days (or longer). So them saying they didn't personally do it/didn't find it helpful may not be taking into account the fact that they had their own version of 90 in 90...that is, they were, in fact, going to meetings every day for the first 90 days because they were doing it in treatment.
My head is just so messed up right now, and I'm terrified I'm going to relapse. Can anyone share some insight into how the 90 in 90 worked for them?
Journey of Sobriety
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Hey, so sobriety is unique for everyone. 90 meetings in 90 days are not realistic for some, but for others are necessary. I personally didn't do 90 meetings in 90 days, but to be honest that sounds like it could be the best method for many people. When ever I've gone to a meeting I feel strong enough to last another 24 easily! That being said 90 in 90 can increase chances greatly of remaining sober 
Journey of Sobriety
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Also, what's the harm of doing 90 in 90. I've never deeply regretted going to AA, but I have deeply regretted the drink. If you feel that you may relapse, just go and do the 90 in 90! Try every single method you can until you find the method that works for you!! What do you got to lose?!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I did treatment followed by ninety in ninety. Is is absolutely necessary? Maybe not but it was a great experience for me. I went to a six a.m. meeting every morning because I couldn't do it after work because of child care issues. I found a time and made it work. Dedicating myself to 90 in 90 took planning. It showed dedication to maintaining sobriety. It was accountability.
I found a way to fit my life around chasing the bottle every day. I was a daily drunk. I thought I didn't have time for daily meetings but that was a cop out. I made time to drink, I made time for meetings.
I think in addition to the accountability, and support, I think it takes at least 3 months to start retraining your brain to not reach for drinking as the first thing.
It may not be necessary but I think its worth it. What harm could it do other than taking away from drinking time? Give it a go.
I found a way to fit my life around chasing the bottle every day. I was a daily drunk. I thought I didn't have time for daily meetings but that was a cop out. I made time to drink, I made time for meetings.
I think in addition to the accountability, and support, I think it takes at least 3 months to start retraining your brain to not reach for drinking as the first thing.
It may not be necessary but I think its worth it. What harm could it do other than taking away from drinking time? Give it a go.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by NightNDay 
several people close to me in the program told me (in the beginning) that they didn't see 90 in 90 as being necessary, because that was not something that was outlined in Bill W.'s original program.
I think what AA people learned over time was that if you could keep someone sober for at least 90 days their chance at longer term success was greatly improved. Many of the studies I have read seem to support this conclusion. For most people most of the worst PAWS symptoms abate after 90 days. Your mileage may vary.
90 in 90 in just a simplified version of getting people to a point where their mind, body, and spirit are more amenable to a permanent solution.
Give it a shot. All it costs you is 90 cups of bad coffee.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
What is necessary is to do whatever it is you need to do to not drink. That is the only thing that determines whether you are sober or not. The plan to attend AA meetings is empty without a plan about continuing to use alcohol.
Is it a meeting a day for 3 months? Is it three meetings and never another one? Something more? What about 3 meetings a day for 6 months? I am getting at the idea that there is no magic prescription that is guaranteed to result in sobriety without an acceptance that your drinking days are in the past. And in the future, there is no more of that misery, just some peace and serenity, some self respect, and your own measure of happiness.
You deserve that, don't you think, NightNDay? Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
Is it a meeting a day for 3 months? Is it three meetings and never another one? Something more? What about 3 meetings a day for 6 months? I am getting at the idea that there is no magic prescription that is guaranteed to result in sobriety without an acceptance that your drinking days are in the past. And in the future, there is no more of that misery, just some peace and serenity, some self respect, and your own measure of happiness.
You deserve that, don't you think, NightNDay? Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
In looking back, 36+years after the start anything that helps us get and stay sober is OK in my book.
There are too many around who haven’t and probably won’t get sober because they want to do it all their way, hence all the relapses.
90 in 90 has been around longer than I have and has meaning to it. For instance if you’re at a meeting during the time you drank then perhaps you won’t drink. We hear things at meetings about not drinking that we don’t hanging with “friends” watching TV or inviting our AV in.
To me it’s a win win situation to be in. IMO
BE WELL
In looking back, 36+years after the start anything that helps us get and stay sober is OK in my book.
There are too many around who haven’t and probably won’t get sober because they want to do it all their way, hence all the relapses.
90 in 90 has been around longer than I have and has meaning to it. For instance if you’re at a meeting during the time you drank then perhaps you won’t drink. We hear things at meetings about not drinking that we don’t hanging with “friends” watching TV or inviting our AV in.
To me it’s a win win situation to be in. IMO
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
90 in 90 is a good idea if you are struggling with sobriety. I think if anything, the commitment will help with building up a solid TIME foundation of sobriety. 90 days is usually the standard recommended treatment option as well because success rates greatly increase with a 90 day foundation. You might find that AA really helps and it will become a very powerful tool in your recovery. Otherwise you will have a good 3 months of sobriety to start with.
I've done the 90 in 90 before, only taking Sundays off.
I've done the 90 in 90 before, only taking Sundays off.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I did 90 in 90 this last time (and also did it in my long ago "first recovery").
I value that commitment, because it helped me build relationships in the AA program. After 90 meetings with the same revolving cast of characters in the short span of 90 days, you really know what folks' issues are, who you like, who makes you uncomfortable, etc. You are a part of. I also found that by being quite observant during those 90 meetings, I likely avoided some mistakes socially (I figured out who the fellows were that couldn't be trusted/were on the make, and so avoided dating them or thinking that their attentions were unique to me...).
I will say that it felt like a huge chore, because I work a more than full time job and have other commitments in the community. I was unable to go every day, so I had to double up on weekend days and go to a meeting in both the morning and evening. I also counted actual appointments with my sponsor to do step work as "one" - which mostly grew out of desperation at being just too busy!
If I hadn't been working, the whole process would have felt even more "right" and less frantic. I would recommend 90 in 90 to anyone who isn't working full time, as it offers a structure and sense of purpose to your early months of sobriety, when things feel vast and confusing.
If I weren't such a stubborn workaholic or had small child responsibilities, 90 in 90 would have been impossible. And if I had started with that intention, and "failed" it might have led me to give up. So I don't think it is realistic for everyone.
I'm at eight months now, and typically only go to one or two meetings a week. I put most of my sobriety focused energies into this site, as I've found the most people I can relate with here. I live in a rural area (but am "of the big city") and so had a harder time finding folks I can relate with in meetings.
Remember too that all of these things (AA, treatment, SR, etc.) are just support systems. You are absolutely capable of getting and staying sober without any of that, but the support will enrich the experience, get you through the tough parts, and help grow you internally. But the "just don't drink" part? In the end, that is a decision that you make all alone every day...
I value that commitment, because it helped me build relationships in the AA program. After 90 meetings with the same revolving cast of characters in the short span of 90 days, you really know what folks' issues are, who you like, who makes you uncomfortable, etc. You are a part of. I also found that by being quite observant during those 90 meetings, I likely avoided some mistakes socially (I figured out who the fellows were that couldn't be trusted/were on the make, and so avoided dating them or thinking that their attentions were unique to me...).
I will say that it felt like a huge chore, because I work a more than full time job and have other commitments in the community. I was unable to go every day, so I had to double up on weekend days and go to a meeting in both the morning and evening. I also counted actual appointments with my sponsor to do step work as "one" - which mostly grew out of desperation at being just too busy!
If I hadn't been working, the whole process would have felt even more "right" and less frantic. I would recommend 90 in 90 to anyone who isn't working full time, as it offers a structure and sense of purpose to your early months of sobriety, when things feel vast and confusing.
If I weren't such a stubborn workaholic or had small child responsibilities, 90 in 90 would have been impossible. And if I had started with that intention, and "failed" it might have led me to give up. So I don't think it is realistic for everyone.
I'm at eight months now, and typically only go to one or two meetings a week. I put most of my sobriety focused energies into this site, as I've found the most people I can relate with here. I live in a rural area (but am "of the big city") and so had a harder time finding folks I can relate with in meetings.
Remember too that all of these things (AA, treatment, SR, etc.) are just support systems. You are absolutely capable of getting and staying sober without any of that, but the support will enrich the experience, get you through the tough parts, and help grow you internally. But the "just don't drink" part? In the end, that is a decision that you make all alone every day...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 346
Originally Posted by NightNDay
I have relapsed (again) and this is the one thing I have not yet tried.
I am starting to think this may be my one last hope.
I am starting to think this may be my one last hope.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Although I didn't do 90/90 I did go 6 days a week for a year. I would highly recommend it because it is a crash course in alcoholism and recovery. It also allows you to expand your support network, make sober friends, select a sponsor, fills the excess time, and let's you see there is life after alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think that 90 days of our lives are so short, so small in the grand scheme of things... that 90 days ought to be do able for just about anything.
did we ever agonize over whether we thought we could drink for 90 days??
Hmm.... geeze, I'm thinking about being a drinker for 90 days... see how it goes....
You have relapsed and are struggling. You want to stop drinking but have been unable.
There is a program that has helped others... many of them.
You have an option to try what they have tried and to go "all in" and do something extreme like seeing what 90 days of commitment might do for you.
Even if at the end of 90 days you determin "AA Is not for me" - you will surely have learned something. You will surely have had an experience of sobriety that you've not yet tried.
I'm almost 100% sure that commiting to 90 days of not drinking and going to 90 days of meetings will not make your addictions worse.
SO.... you basically have nothing to lose and your life to gain.
did we ever agonize over whether we thought we could drink for 90 days??
Hmm.... geeze, I'm thinking about being a drinker for 90 days... see how it goes....
You have relapsed and are struggling. You want to stop drinking but have been unable.
There is a program that has helped others... many of them.
You have an option to try what they have tried and to go "all in" and do something extreme like seeing what 90 days of commitment might do for you.
Even if at the end of 90 days you determin "AA Is not for me" - you will surely have learned something. You will surely have had an experience of sobriety that you've not yet tried.
I'm almost 100% sure that commiting to 90 days of not drinking and going to 90 days of meetings will not make your addictions worse.
SO.... you basically have nothing to lose and your life to gain.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I believe that staying sober is as easy, or as difficult as we want it to be. In AA I was given hundreds of tools to live a happy sober life. The 12 steps are at the top of that list for me, but I still make use of just about everything I learned... And continue to learn. I see people that take a couple of suggestions, and fail. I advise them to stop picking and choosing and incorporate everything they can. The more suggestions I took, the easier things became. Seems like a no brainer to me.
I didn't count the meetings I made in my first 90 days, but 90 in 90 was the goal. I missed some days, but made 2 or 3 on others. It was important for me because it gave me a solid foundation. Should mention too that at 5 days sober, 90 days seemed like an eternity. 30 sober years later, it's a drop in the bucket. And time very well spent. I have no regrets whatsoever.
I didn't count the meetings I made in my first 90 days, but 90 in 90 was the goal. I missed some days, but made 2 or 3 on others. It was important for me because it gave me a solid foundation. Should mention too that at 5 days sober, 90 days seemed like an eternity. 30 sober years later, it's a drop in the bucket. And time very well spent. I have no regrets whatsoever.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I have not used AA, but if you believe the 90 meetings will work for you, then you might try it. Personally, I believe it's motivation in early recovery that is the most important tool, rather than what program you follow. I found it very helpful to develop daily routines in very early recovery, so I got used to a new daily routine that didn't involve alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I agree with Anna...
and here are some of the ways that AA has helped my motivation;
shown me regular, clear, in-person, eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart examples of what continuing to drink can lead to.
given me the chance to seek the similiarities in people's stories to my own, to learn from them, to re-fuel my motivation with real solid reasons.
helped combat my alcoholic voice - who is always there trying to convince me "I'm not that bad"... "It's OK"... "just a few".... "Just now and then".
given me a place to vent out my frustrations - before they build up and become stronger than my motivation.
provided a live community that helps me feel connected and understood and not 'different' or 'broken' or 'not as good as'.... feelings that undermine my motivation.
the people in my AA groups - I see around town from time to time. It's been a source of strength. A smile from a fellow AA randomly along the road or in the grocery store brings a surprise bit of motivation. It's uncanny how often this happens exactly when I need it.
given me ACTION. Motivation dries up and falls off the vine if we do not feed it with ACTION. Going to an AA meeting is tangibly DOING something to support my sobriety.
got me a sponsor - the steps I have found helpful. I'm working them slowly and in my own way but also with the guidance of a man with nearly 30 years of sobriety. His example fuels my motivation and helps keep me moving forward.
And.... much more.....
I have had motivation many times before when it comes to sobriety. Without AA as a part of my sobriety net, I never made it very far. Now I'm well over a year sober and life is better and better....
and here are some of the ways that AA has helped my motivation;
shown me regular, clear, in-person, eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart examples of what continuing to drink can lead to.
given me the chance to seek the similiarities in people's stories to my own, to learn from them, to re-fuel my motivation with real solid reasons.
helped combat my alcoholic voice - who is always there trying to convince me "I'm not that bad"... "It's OK"... "just a few".... "Just now and then".
given me a place to vent out my frustrations - before they build up and become stronger than my motivation.
provided a live community that helps me feel connected and understood and not 'different' or 'broken' or 'not as good as'.... feelings that undermine my motivation.
the people in my AA groups - I see around town from time to time. It's been a source of strength. A smile from a fellow AA randomly along the road or in the grocery store brings a surprise bit of motivation. It's uncanny how often this happens exactly when I need it.
given me ACTION. Motivation dries up and falls off the vine if we do not feed it with ACTION. Going to an AA meeting is tangibly DOING something to support my sobriety.
got me a sponsor - the steps I have found helpful. I'm working them slowly and in my own way but also with the guidance of a man with nearly 30 years of sobriety. His example fuels my motivation and helps keep me moving forward.
And.... much more.....
I have had motivation many times before when it comes to sobriety. Without AA as a part of my sobriety net, I never made it very far. Now I'm well over a year sober and life is better and better....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"My head is just so messed up right now, and I'm terrified I'm going to relapse. Can anyone share some insight into how the 90 in 90 worked for them?"
Welp, a healthy fear of drinking again can be a good thing. It's one thing that led me to shoot for the 90/90. I thoroughly believed( and still do)that if I were to drink again I wouldn't get sober again.
I heard the 90/90 thing at meeting. I heard give it 90 days. If nothing changes and ya don't like what ya got the misery will be refunded at the door.
Welp, I didn't want that misery. It's what led me to AA. So I shot for 90/90. I wasn't able to hit 90/90, but in that 90 there was a week I did 15 in 7 days. I wanted what the program had to offer.
HOWEVER
There was a LOT more I did tan just go to meetings. I was workin hard on the steps.
When 90 days came up, I didn't know what it was that had chaned in me. I still wasn't happy, joyous, and free completely as the bb said I would, bt something was different and it wasn't in a bad way different.
So I decided to keep going back AND working the program and see what happens.
Shortly after that a thought came up:
I drank for about 23 years and I was only going to give the program 90 or 180 days????
So I decided I'll give it 23 years. I've got another 13 years before I decide I like what I've gotten, but so far it's been pretty amazing.
What is more amazing is what I don't have any more.
No more craving,compulsion, and obsession with alcohol.
No more gloom dispair,and misery.
No more suicidal feeling.
No more feeling hopeless,helpless,useless, and worthless.
No more past actions haunting me.
No more terror and bewilderment over yesterday/ last nights actions/words.
Still don't have crap for a memory and can't quite recall all I did yesterday, but I know I didn't drink or hurt anyone!
Welp, a healthy fear of drinking again can be a good thing. It's one thing that led me to shoot for the 90/90. I thoroughly believed( and still do)that if I were to drink again I wouldn't get sober again.
I heard the 90/90 thing at meeting. I heard give it 90 days. If nothing changes and ya don't like what ya got the misery will be refunded at the door.
Welp, I didn't want that misery. It's what led me to AA. So I shot for 90/90. I wasn't able to hit 90/90, but in that 90 there was a week I did 15 in 7 days. I wanted what the program had to offer.
HOWEVER
There was a LOT more I did tan just go to meetings. I was workin hard on the steps.
When 90 days came up, I didn't know what it was that had chaned in me. I still wasn't happy, joyous, and free completely as the bb said I would, bt something was different and it wasn't in a bad way different.
So I decided to keep going back AND working the program and see what happens.
Shortly after that a thought came up:
I drank for about 23 years and I was only going to give the program 90 or 180 days????
So I decided I'll give it 23 years. I've got another 13 years before I decide I like what I've gotten, but so far it's been pretty amazing.
What is more amazing is what I don't have any more.
No more craving,compulsion, and obsession with alcohol.
No more gloom dispair,and misery.
No more suicidal feeling.
No more feeling hopeless,helpless,useless, and worthless.
No more past actions haunting me.
No more terror and bewilderment over yesterday/ last nights actions/words.
Still don't have crap for a memory and can't quite recall all I did yesterday, but I know I didn't drink or hurt anyone!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Free Owl notes:
"the people in my AA groups - I see around town from time to time. It's been a source of strength. A smile from a fellow AA randomly along the road or in the grocery store brings a surprise bit of motivation. It's uncanny how often this happens exactly when I need it."
I agree with this! I live in a small town, and I randomly run into AA folks almost daily. Talk about accountability! The flip side of this reality, last year when I relapsed, it was horrifying. I would scan the parking lot in front of the liquor store, would enter through the grocery store so it wasn't so obvious, etc.
I sometimes wonder if this in-person accountability is discouraging for folks that aren't really ready to quit, and maybe that is one of the reasons they avoid AA. Because the minute you become a real presence in the rooms, there is suddenly a tangible expectation that you are embarking on recovery. People are genuinely worried and concerned if you stop going and "disappear," or if they run into you and you are clearly intoxicated.
So this is a value to the 90 in 90 also - that AA gets to know YOU (as opposed to you getting to know them). You are visible. You have been seen. People start to care what happens to you...
"the people in my AA groups - I see around town from time to time. It's been a source of strength. A smile from a fellow AA randomly along the road or in the grocery store brings a surprise bit of motivation. It's uncanny how often this happens exactly when I need it."
I agree with this! I live in a small town, and I randomly run into AA folks almost daily. Talk about accountability! The flip side of this reality, last year when I relapsed, it was horrifying. I would scan the parking lot in front of the liquor store, would enter through the grocery store so it wasn't so obvious, etc.
I sometimes wonder if this in-person accountability is discouraging for folks that aren't really ready to quit, and maybe that is one of the reasons they avoid AA. Because the minute you become a real presence in the rooms, there is suddenly a tangible expectation that you are embarking on recovery. People are genuinely worried and concerned if you stop going and "disappear," or if they run into you and you are clearly intoxicated.
So this is a value to the 90 in 90 also - that AA gets to know YOU (as opposed to you getting to know them). You are visible. You have been seen. People start to care what happens to you...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 91
Going to the same meetings, sitting in the same seat, and talking to the same people over the course of 90 meetings in 90 days helped me get sober.
Attending 90 meetings in 90 days while jumping around to different meetings, and not talking to anyone did not help me get sober.
I got plugged in by doing 90 in 90 and socializing with people at the meeting.
I don't think there's anything magical about 90 in 90. That said, what's the realistic worst case scenario outcome of 90 in 90?
I discovered that to get sober, I couldn't pick and choose what suggestions I followed. I wound up following all the suggestions I was given, and I got sober... and happy!
So, I did 90 in 90, and as of today, I've done something like 500 meetings in 400 days because I've made time for it, it's part of my routine, and I now enjoy meetings.
Attending 90 meetings in 90 days while jumping around to different meetings, and not talking to anyone did not help me get sober.
I got plugged in by doing 90 in 90 and socializing with people at the meeting.
I don't think there's anything magical about 90 in 90. That said, what's the realistic worst case scenario outcome of 90 in 90?
I discovered that to get sober, I couldn't pick and choose what suggestions I followed. I wound up following all the suggestions I was given, and I got sober... and happy!
So, I did 90 in 90, and as of today, I've done something like 500 meetings in 400 days because I've made time for it, it's part of my routine, and I now enjoy meetings.
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