Not perfect, but way better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Not perfect, but way better
What is real? I don't know the answer to that question. I've anesthetized much of life, really what the hell is real, I can't define reality. At best I can only describe non-sequitur moments of sobriety punctuated by grief and the inability to describe where I was at or what I was doing! I guess those are real moments. Is that reality, I have no clue, because I've chosen to ignore anything I define as real for quite sometime.
You know what is real? You know what I do have on my side, some sobriety. For the first time in some time this week I had a random ETG test ( random alcohol test that can test up to 80 hours after alcohol use). I was excited about this test, I was excited about the prospect of someone watching me pee and knowing I didn't have a damn thing to worry about or hide. The swagger was almost comedic, but the best part was knowing I was clean. Yep 100 percent clean!
I went to court, It wasn't fun actually it was very uncomfortable. I got called out on many issues, but stood there and was able to rebuff what they said with proof and evidence of sobriety. My wife is almost 60 days sober, and I am approaching around 30, we're doing this and doing the right thing.
The judge saw 6 weeks of progress in outpatient with my wife. 6 weeks of passed drug alcohol test, and active participation of recovery. They saw appointments for me for evaluation for rehab and proof that I've been on my medication for schizophrenia for over month and sober.
Ran out of money last week, can't afford cigarettes, day 6 no cigarettes 23 days sober, lots is still wrong, but I am doing this. Nothing more or less, you know you've made progress when your like, " watch me pee, test it and I will see you in a week to do it all over again" sorry for the visual, but this feels good.
Time for the assessment, no more courts, just gotta do what I gotta do and tell more inappropriate stories about someone watching me pee, because in the past I lied and drank despite court orders. Thanks for reading
You know what is real? You know what I do have on my side, some sobriety. For the first time in some time this week I had a random ETG test ( random alcohol test that can test up to 80 hours after alcohol use). I was excited about this test, I was excited about the prospect of someone watching me pee and knowing I didn't have a damn thing to worry about or hide. The swagger was almost comedic, but the best part was knowing I was clean. Yep 100 percent clean!
I went to court, It wasn't fun actually it was very uncomfortable. I got called out on many issues, but stood there and was able to rebuff what they said with proof and evidence of sobriety. My wife is almost 60 days sober, and I am approaching around 30, we're doing this and doing the right thing.
The judge saw 6 weeks of progress in outpatient with my wife. 6 weeks of passed drug alcohol test, and active participation of recovery. They saw appointments for me for evaluation for rehab and proof that I've been on my medication for schizophrenia for over month and sober.
Ran out of money last week, can't afford cigarettes, day 6 no cigarettes 23 days sober, lots is still wrong, but I am doing this. Nothing more or less, you know you've made progress when your like, " watch me pee, test it and I will see you in a week to do it all over again" sorry for the visual, but this feels good.
Time for the assessment, no more courts, just gotta do what I gotta do and tell more inappropriate stories about someone watching me pee, because in the past I lied and drank despite court orders. Thanks for reading
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Not quite 30 days, but talk to me in 7 days, we'll have a party hot dogs and hamburgers are on me. I had to take sometime and get better and apply all the things I've learned. I kinda made an azz of myself here. Family yes, but I took advantage and will forever be sorry for my transgressions. I hope to proceed with a better attitude and the ability to contribute here in a meaningful way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Sounds like you are on your way, Jeremy. Can't say that for everyone around here. You are winning. What more can anyone do than that, except to help others win too? Your story is an inspiration. Who knows who it helps?
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Well done on 23 days TDG and congratulations to your wife as well
6 days without ciggies means you are over the worst. For once I can actually speak from experience. Giving up tobacco is much easier than quitting booze (it's a linear withdrawal for a start). I stopped smoking in 1987 and didn't want one even after becoming an alky.
Anyway great work. Stay strong
6 days without ciggies means you are over the worst. For once I can actually speak from experience. Giving up tobacco is much easier than quitting booze (it's a linear withdrawal for a start). I stopped smoking in 1987 and didn't want one even after becoming an alky.
Anyway great work. Stay strong
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