Notices

How little I know

Old 03-27-2015, 04:46 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
How little I know

I recently wrote, "Whoever maintains a lifetime of abstinence, is relatively content with their life, and dies sober can say with certainty their method of recovery works."

I have been thinking about this lately. There are numerous members on this site that have put together significant sobriety with significantly different approaches.

There are endless debates but the truth is we only know if what we did works when we die sober.

I thought I was solidly sober until my daughter was diagnosed with cancer and six months later she was dead. Her death rocked my sobriety and world like nothing you can imagine.

What her death made me realize is how little I know about this sobriety stuff because I know so little about myself.

I received a tremendous amount of information from people I respect but have chosen a path different than mine.

I don't ever plan on drinking again but the operative word is "Plan." How can I guarantee anything when I simply don't know what the future holds.

This uncertainty is what opens my heart and mind to all manner of recovery. My criteria for recovery methods is that it has worked for an individual for an extended period of time. There is absolutely no substitute for time because life throws an amazing number of things at us that threatens our sobriety. To hear how other have made it through these challenges is invaluable.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years is to stick with the winners regardless of how they got from point A to B
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 05:08 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Court jester
 
Bmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
There is no giant rule book in the sky that lays out the right way to live a life of sobriety. There is only YOUR way which is ultimately the right way for you. And when you succeed, your experience helps me succeed as I travel my path of sobriety.
Bmac is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 05:16 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
My mom, drank most of her life, when she learned she would die, she quit smoking and drinking. I asked her why. She said that the least she could do was end things sober.

She was for 6 months while the cancer took her.

Another reason why I am sober today. If she could do it and face her demise sober, then I am too.
Thepatman is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 05:17 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
EndGame
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
If I had passed away sometime during my twenty five years of sobriety and before my three-year relapse, it wouldn't have meant that my plan didn't work for me.

On a different note, very few people who are approaching the final act of life wish that they had drunk more.
EndGameNYC is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 05:20 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post
If I had passed away sometime during my twenty five years of sobriety and before my three-year relapse, it wouldn't have meant that my plan didn't work for me. On a different note, very few people who are approaching the final act of life wish that they had drunk more.
This is deep, I like it EndGame. Thanks
Thepatman is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 05:24 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
LBrain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
If I was told I had one month to live, I don't think I would run to the liquor store.

How many people in life would do that?

There are a few other - many - things I would like to do rather than get drunk one more time.
LBrain is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 05:26 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,046
I dunno - I'm not sure you need to die for the validity of your 'way' to be proven

I lived one way for 20 years and another way for nearly 8 now.
I know which way works for me

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 07:12 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Trudgin
 
Fly N Buy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
My path works today. I am grateful for it - living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time....

That's all I get
Fly N Buy is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 07:36 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Before I joined SR, I lurked a lot. I was quite clueless, but found myself drawn to certain people and their stories.

I wanted what they had, and they'd all gotten there through various ways so I tried a little bit of everything. Some worked great, some not so great but I kept moving forward.

Eight years and counting, I'm forever grateful for the people here who shared their ES&H. What drew me in was their stories. The more I read, the more I learned.

I also try to remember that there are people, like me, out there - reading and haven't yet decided to do something about their problem. There are newcomers who are feeling raw and scared.

MIR - I honestly don't know if I would have the strength you did when your daughter died. What I DO know? You have been one of my go-to people for a long time, and you would be one of the first I reached out to if anything similar happened to me.

The great part about belonging to this family of SR is that no matter what happens? There is someone here who has been through something similar and, though they may follow different paths, they are in recovery and they are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
Impurrfect is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 07:52 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Alynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
(((MIRecovery))))
Alynn is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 12:07 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,936
What's the old saying in boxing? Everyone has a plan until they get hit! I'm pretty confident in my Big Plan and am pretty certain that I'll never drink again. That's the whole idea of the Big Plan. But without "giving myself an out" I'll concede that I'm human and humans are fallible.

I don't think dying sober will vindicate my Big Plan; living sober does, every day.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 12:25 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
what a powerful OP, I know that I am most concerned that when my Dad dies (which may be soon) that I'm too drunk to deal with it. Scares the crap out of me. Sorry to hear about your loss. You are a bigger person than me.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 12:26 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
AddictGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Mir,

It hurt to hear about your daughter.

They say there is no wrong way to get sober. I think, if something worked for 25 years it worked. It reminds me of love. I have heard if it didn't last forever, it wasn't real. I have been in loves that came and went, but you can't tell me they weren't real. Things happened. Things changed. We pick ourselves up, we dust ourselves off, we get ourselves back together and we carry on. I think if it was a matter of deciding on a method after a relapse after a very long time, I would look real close at something that had worked for a very long time before I would reject it as not good enough for me.
AddictGuy is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 04:01 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
My way has worked for over a year now... So I'm keeping it
FreeOwl is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 07:46 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
What's the old saying in boxing? Everyone has a plan until they get hit! I'm pretty confident in my Big Plan and am pretty certain that I'll never drink again. That's the whole idea of the Big Plan. But without "giving myself an out" I'll concede that I'm human and humans are fallible.

I don't think dying sober will vindicate my Big Plan; living sober does, every day.
Wonderful post. Indeed we all have a plan unit we get hit but one punch does not mean we lose the fight
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 08:47 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
fini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,241
My criteria for recovery methods is that it has worked for an individual for an extended period of time. There is absolutely no substitute for time because life throws an amazing number of things at us that threatens our sobriety. To hear how other have made it through these challenges is invaluable.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years is to stick with the winners regardless of how they got from point A to B


i hope you're seeing this in yourself, MIR. because of course you're one person whose way has been through major challenge. with no detours or crashes to old default.
just sayin'....

__________________
fini is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 02:19 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by fini View Post
My criteria for recovery methods is that it has worked for an individual for an extended period of time. There is absolutely no substitute for time because life throws an amazing number of things at us that threatens our sobriety. To hear how other have made it through these challenges is invaluable.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years is to stick with the winners regardless of how they got from point A to B


i hope you're seeing this in yourself, MIR. because of course you're one person whose way has been through major challenge. with no detours or crashes to old default.
just sayin'....


__________________
Thank you

I will admit I know more than I did when I started this journey and they say that which does not kill us makes us stronger although I was a whole lot happier being weaker.

Just trudging the road to happy destiny.
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 02:55 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
readerbaby71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Great post. Thank you!


Comfortable with Uncertainty
108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion
by Pema Chodron

This book offers short, stand-alone readings designed to help us cultivate compassion and awareness amid the challenges of daily living. More than a collection of thoughts for the day, Comfortable with Uncertainty offers a progressive program of spiritual study, leading the reader through essential concepts, themes, and practices on the Buddhist path.

Comfortable with Uncertainty does not assume prior knowledge of Buddhist thought or practice, making it a perfect introduction to Chödrön's teaching. It features the most essential and stirring passages from Chödrön's previous books, exploring topics such as lovingkindness, meditation, mindfulness, "nowness," letting go, and working with fear and other painful emotions. Through the course of this book, readers will learn practical methods for heightening awareness and overcoming habitual patterns that block compassion.
readerbaby71 is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 04:12 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I suppose part of the plan is to have as many tools in the toolbox for when life gets tough, for me the first few days of Sobreity were tough, but then things became routine, until that routine was derailed by the inevitability of life, stress at work, friendships, relationships, family etc

Sobriety would have been a whole lot easier if life had a pause button, but it's my plan that keeps me on the tracks, I can waiver, have thoughts, but my plan pulls me back in line with Sobriety.

Having a well stocked toolbox, preparing for the storms, for me that has been soo important!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 03-28-2015, 04:32 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
twal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 285
Thank you so much for your post, MIRecovery. I love this site because they are so many different school of thoughts on staying sober. I love reading posts from the members that have a lot of sobriety and it shows me that I can attain it through hard work. I know that I can't just sit here on my butt and expect to stay sober without putting effort into it. Thanks again!
twal is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:01 PM.