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Old 03-27-2015, 05:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
A Day at a Time
 
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How little I know


I recently wrote, "Whoever maintains a lifetime of abstinence, is relatively content with their life, and dies sober can say with certainty their method of recovery works."

I have been thinking about this lately. There are numerous members on this site that have put together significant sobriety with significantly different approaches.

There are endless debates but the truth is we only know if what we did works when we die sober.

I thought I was solidly sober until my daughter was diagnosed with cancer and six months later she was dead. Her death rocked my sobriety and world like nothing you can imagine.

What her death made me realize is how little I know about this sobriety stuff because I know so little about myself.

I received a tremendous amount of information from people I respect but have chosen a path different than mine.

I don't ever plan on drinking again but the operative word is "Plan." How can I guarantee anything when I simply don't know what the future holds.

This uncertainty is what opens my heart and mind to all manner of recovery. My criteria for recovery methods is that it has worked for an individual for an extended period of time. There is absolutely no substitute for time because life throws an amazing number of things at us that threatens our sobriety. To hear how other have made it through these challenges is invaluable.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years is to stick with the winners regardless of how they got from point A to B
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I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself


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Old 03-27-2015, 06:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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There is no giant rule book in the sky that lays out the right way to live a life of sobriety. There is only YOUR way which is ultimately the right way for you. And when you succeed, your experience helps me succeed as I travel my path of sobriety.
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"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why." -Mark Twain
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Old 03-27-2015, 06:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My mom, drank most of her life, when she learned she would die, she quit smoking and drinking. I asked her why. She said that the least she could do was end things sober.

She was for 6 months while the cancer took her.

Another reason why I am sober today. If she could do it and face her demise sober, then I am too.
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Old 03-27-2015, 06:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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If I had passed away sometime during my twenty five years of sobriety and before my three-year relapse, it wouldn't have meant that my plan didn't work for me.

On a different note, very few people who are approaching the final act of life wish that they had drunk more.
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Old 03-27-2015, 06:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post
If I had passed away sometime during my twenty five years of sobriety and before my three-year relapse, it wouldn't have meant that my plan didn't work for me. On a different note, very few people who are approaching the final act of life wish that they had drunk more.
This is deep, I like it EndGame. Thanks
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Old 03-27-2015, 06:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
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If I was told I had one month to live, I don't think I would run to the liquor store.

How many people in life would do that?

There are a few other - many - things I would like to do rather than get drunk one more time.
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Old 03-27-2015, 06:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I dunno - I'm not sure you need to die for the validity of your 'way' to be proven

I lived one way for 20 years and another way for nearly 8 now.
I know which way works for me

D
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Old 03-27-2015, 08:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
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My path works today. I am grateful for it - living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time....

That's all I get
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Old 03-27-2015, 08:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Before I joined SR, I lurked a lot. I was quite clueless, but found myself drawn to certain people and their stories.

I wanted what they had, and they'd all gotten there through various ways so I tried a little bit of everything. Some worked great, some not so great but I kept moving forward.

Eight years and counting, I'm forever grateful for the people here who shared their ES&H. What drew me in was their stories. The more I read, the more I learned.

I also try to remember that there are people, like me, out there - reading and haven't yet decided to do something about their problem. There are newcomers who are feeling raw and scared.

MIR - I honestly don't know if I would have the strength you did when your daughter died. What I DO know? You have been one of my go-to people for a long time, and you would be one of the first I reached out to if anything similar happened to me.

The great part about belonging to this family of SR is that no matter what happens? There is someone here who has been through something similar and, though they may follow different paths, they are in recovery and they are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-27-2015, 08:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
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(((MIRecovery))))
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Old 03-28-2015, 01:07 AM   #11 (permalink)
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What's the old saying in boxing? Everyone has a plan until they get hit! I'm pretty confident in my Big Plan and am pretty certain that I'll never drink again. That's the whole idea of the Big Plan. But without "giving myself an out" I'll concede that I'm human and humans are fallible.

I don't think dying sober will vindicate my Big Plan; living sober does, every day.
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I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 03-28-2015, 01:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
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what a powerful OP, I know that I am most concerned that when my Dad dies (which may be soon) that I'm too drunk to deal with it. Scares the crap out of me. Sorry to hear about your loss. You are a bigger person than me.
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Old 03-28-2015, 01:26 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Mir,

It hurt to hear about your daughter.

They say there is no wrong way to get sober. I think, if something worked for 25 years it worked. It reminds me of love. I have heard if it didn't last forever, it wasn't real. I have been in loves that came and went, but you can't tell me they weren't real. Things happened. Things changed. We pick ourselves up, we dust ourselves off, we get ourselves back together and we carry on. I think if it was a matter of deciding on a method after a relapse after a very long time, I would look real close at something that had worked for a very long time before I would reject it as not good enough for me.
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Old 03-28-2015, 05:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
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My way has worked for over a year now... So I'm keeping it
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:46 AM   #15 (permalink)
A Day at a Time
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
What's the old saying in boxing? Everyone has a plan until they get hit! I'm pretty confident in my Big Plan and am pretty certain that I'll never drink again. That's the whole idea of the Big Plan. But without "giving myself an out" I'll concede that I'm human and humans are fallible.

I don't think dying sober will vindicate my Big Plan; living sober does, every day.
Wonderful post. Indeed we all have a plan unit we get hit but one punch does not mean we lose the fight
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I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself


Came back to life 7.24.2009
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Old 03-28-2015, 09:47 AM   #16 (permalink)
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My criteria for recovery methods is that it has worked for an individual for an extended period of time. There is absolutely no substitute for time because life throws an amazing number of things at us that threatens our sobriety. To hear how other have made it through these challenges is invaluable.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years is to stick with the winners regardless of how they got from point A to B


i hope you're seeing this in yourself, MIR. because of course you're one person whose way has been through major challenge. with no detours or crashes to old default.
just sayin'....

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Old 03-28-2015, 03:19 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My criteria for recovery methods is that it has worked for an individual for an extended period of time. There is absolutely no substitute for time because life throws an amazing number of things at us that threatens our sobriety. To hear how other have made it through these challenges is invaluable.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years is to stick with the winners regardless of how they got from point A to B


i hope you're seeing this in yourself, MIR. because of course you're one person whose way has been through major challenge. with no detours or crashes to old default.
just sayin'....


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Thank you

I will admit I know more than I did when I started this journey and they say that which does not kill us makes us stronger although I was a whole lot happier being weaker.

Just trudging the road to happy destiny.
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I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself


Came back to life 7.24.2009
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Old 03-28-2015, 03:55 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Great post. Thank you!


Comfortable with Uncertainty
108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion
by Pema Chodron

This book offers short, stand-alone readings designed to help us cultivate compassion and awareness amid the challenges of daily living. More than a collection of thoughts for the day, Comfortable with Uncertainty offers a progressive program of spiritual study, leading the reader through essential concepts, themes, and practices on the Buddhist path.

Comfortable with Uncertainty does not assume prior knowledge of Buddhist thought or practice, making it a perfect introduction to Chödrön's teaching. It features the most essential and stirring passages from Chödrön's previous books, exploring topics such as lovingkindness, meditation, mindfulness, "nowness," letting go, and working with fear and other painful emotions. Through the course of this book, readers will learn practical methods for heightening awareness and overcoming habitual patterns that block compassion.
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Old 03-28-2015, 05:12 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I suppose part of the plan is to have as many tools in the toolbox for when life gets tough, for me the first few days of Sobreity were tough, but then things became routine, until that routine was derailed by the inevitability of life, stress at work, friendships, relationships, family etc

Sobriety would have been a whole lot easier if life had a pause button, but it's my plan that keeps me on the tracks, I can waiver, have thoughts, but my plan pulls me back in line with Sobriety.

Having a well stocked toolbox, preparing for the storms, for me that has been soo important!!
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Old 03-28-2015, 05:32 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Thank you so much for your post, MIRecovery. I love this site because they are so many different school of thoughts on staying sober. I love reading posts from the members that have a lot of sobriety and it shows me that I can attain it through hard work. I know that I can't just sit here on my butt and expect to stay sober without putting effort into it. Thanks again!
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