Finally Starting to Feel a Little Bit Hopeful
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Finally Starting to Feel a Little Bit Hopeful
I really hate counting days because it seems unimportant when you are planning to stay abstinent for good. In any case, I am on Day 12.
It has been really difficult to stay focused and curb cravings, but I have done it. I am starting to feel a little more cognizant and have a little more energy. The most important thing is that I am (just barely) able to imagine a happy, fulfilled life without alcohol -- and it doesn't seem scary.
I will probably continue to have mood swings and I might be miserable tomorrow but I am gaining experience and thus, confidence in being alcohol free.
When I first came to this site, I was a complete mess. That was a little over two weeks ago. I thought I had not made any real progress until I read my first post again:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...giving-up.html
I tapered down to zero about 6-5 days before I started abstinence. It was still rough because I was drinking a lot -- sipping throughout the day. Tapering is not for everyone, so I want to thank everyone here who were supportive and helpful while I went through that. I especially want to thank everyone for being stubborn about complete abstinence. For alcohol addicts, there is no other solution.
I will stop being sappy (for now).
Thanks and Happy Friday!
It has been really difficult to stay focused and curb cravings, but I have done it. I am starting to feel a little more cognizant and have a little more energy. The most important thing is that I am (just barely) able to imagine a happy, fulfilled life without alcohol -- and it doesn't seem scary.
I will probably continue to have mood swings and I might be miserable tomorrow but I am gaining experience and thus, confidence in being alcohol free.
When I first came to this site, I was a complete mess. That was a little over two weeks ago. I thought I had not made any real progress until I read my first post again:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...giving-up.html
I tapered down to zero about 6-5 days before I started abstinence. It was still rough because I was drinking a lot -- sipping throughout the day. Tapering is not for everyone, so I want to thank everyone here who were supportive and helpful while I went through that. I especially want to thank everyone for being stubborn about complete abstinence. For alcohol addicts, there is no other solution.
I will stop being sappy (for now).
Thanks and Happy Friday!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 285
Glad you're starting to feel hopeful, Pouncer! I was a raging lunatic when I stopped drinking. I was an every day drinker and things were really rough when trying to quit. I still have a foggy head and my mood still fluctuates at times, but they both are getting better each day that I'm sober. Hang in there because it will get better with time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
You are doing great pouncer! If you want to count, count. If you don't want to count, don't count.
I think it's good to keep track in the beginning just so you know how much you have accomplished. It is no small feat to make it to thirty days. You're almost half way to 30.
And tell my wife that counting doesn't make a difference. Even though we are going to be married forever, I'd better not forget it's going to be 5 years in a month.
I think it's good to keep track in the beginning just so you know how much you have accomplished. It is no small feat to make it to thirty days. You're almost half way to 30.
And tell my wife that counting doesn't make a difference. Even though we are going to be married forever, I'd better not forget it's going to be 5 years in a month.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Thanks, Brain.
Today is one of those days when my AV is screaming, 'nobody will know, go ahead, you don't have to tell your husband or SR. You would feel so much better after 2 drinks...maybe three...just don't go over three.'
I know I can't moderate. One drink might as well be ten. The roller-coaster emotions are really, really difficult to manage. I need so badly to be in a happy, resolved frame of mind.
The thing I cannot shake is that alcohol DID help me function, it DID help me cheer up or be more outgoing. The AV appeals to the logical part of me, but then I remember the mystery bruises, not being able to brush my teeth in the morning without gagging...all that.
I think my stress today is just a legacy from being an unrealistic drunkard. Why did I put all of this on myself and never said no? I did say 'no' today. In fact, others were begging me to help and to let them finish the rest of an important project. I vehemently and stubbornly said, "I will finish it." When I sat down with 2 noiseless minutes, I realized I could not finish. I am not equipped to deal with that amount of stress right now. I just cannot. The stress from this particular project has been ongoing for two years now. I have to walk away and give up control to others.
I think writing about it just now helped. A lot of times anger is just there to protect you from difficult emotions. I was never able to articulate how I was feeling when I was drinking.
Today is one of those days when my AV is screaming, 'nobody will know, go ahead, you don't have to tell your husband or SR. You would feel so much better after 2 drinks...maybe three...just don't go over three.'
I know I can't moderate. One drink might as well be ten. The roller-coaster emotions are really, really difficult to manage. I need so badly to be in a happy, resolved frame of mind.
The thing I cannot shake is that alcohol DID help me function, it DID help me cheer up or be more outgoing. The AV appeals to the logical part of me, but then I remember the mystery bruises, not being able to brush my teeth in the morning without gagging...all that.
I think my stress today is just a legacy from being an unrealistic drunkard. Why did I put all of this on myself and never said no? I did say 'no' today. In fact, others were begging me to help and to let them finish the rest of an important project. I vehemently and stubbornly said, "I will finish it." When I sat down with 2 noiseless minutes, I realized I could not finish. I am not equipped to deal with that amount of stress right now. I just cannot. The stress from this particular project has been ongoing for two years now. I have to walk away and give up control to others.
I think writing about it just now helped. A lot of times anger is just there to protect you from difficult emotions. I was never able to articulate how I was feeling when I was drinking.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
12 days is wonderful Pouncer. It made me happy to see you so optimistic. 
You will continue to feel better - there are always some uncomfortable days in the beginning. Things should settle down and you'll be less anxious.
You will continue to feel better - there are always some uncomfortable days in the beginning. Things should settle down and you'll be less anxious.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
I think reducing my workload is key. I am not writing or submitting any long-form articles, anything with tons of research, or anything that I can be challenged on. I just can't do it right now because it is stressful. I wrapped up what I needed to and am working on fiction projects until I am in a better frame of mind.
It is really surprising right now to go through some of the stuff I wrote while I relapsed. My writing during this period really is not as good as I recollect. It kind of stinks.
I had been working on a long-term environmental justice project but had to let that go today.
It is really surprising right now to go through some of the stuff I wrote while I relapsed. My writing during this period really is not as good as I recollect. It kind of stinks.
I had been working on a long-term environmental justice project but had to let that go today.
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