NAP

This is one of my greatest fears about sobriety. I've had problems with close relationships and have been alone for ages - now I'm about to get sober but am terrified of even more loneliness. Does it get any better?

Treerat66

Once you are sober you will find more people will find your company enjoyable.

GracieLou

Yes, You can get to a point that you can be alone and not be lonely.

I isolated at the end and I didn't have any friends left. I drank away even the other drinkers. I didn't want to be bothered with the social aspect of drinking anymore. I was never a "social" drinker, I just drank in social situations. mostly bars, but at the end, that was gone. I could not go to a bar anymore. I could not trust myself to do so and the social part of it was exhausting. I found it more comforting to stay home with my bottle. I could drink the way I wanted to, the way I had to.

I am not sure if you are in a recovery program but I will suggest looking into one.

Personally, I attend AA. The fellowship helped me a lot with feeling lonely at the beginning and it continues to do that for me. I have made friends. I can go to an AA meeting. I get out of my head, I see people that I know and I hear someone share their experiences.

It took a while for me to understand that I could not do this alone. I needed other people and all I had to do was reach out for help. It is there if you want it.

Dee74

Hi NAP
I can honestly say I have the best social life of my life these days.

It didn't happen overnight - you need to build a new sober life and that takes time - and I had to re-learn to interact with ppl soberly too...but it will happen.

drinking is probably the best way of ensuring nothing happens

D

Soberwolf

I promise you it gets better i sometimes say sobriety is an upgrade of self i dont mean for that to sound selfish or stuck up

it really does get better my worst day sober is light years better then my best day drunk

Gottalife

One of the many AA promises that came true for me: "We can be alone at perfect peace and ease". Yes it is as good as it sounds

Nonsensical

Fear of sobriety is a hallmark of addiction. It is completely real and completely irrational at the same time. I had a pretty good dose of it at one time. Now I look back and can barely remember why.

You can do this.

IOAA2

Hi.
VG question.
GL post tells it the way it is. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone.
At meetings it’s not unusual for a sharing speaker describe their loneliness while drinking akin to being at a sold out NY Yankees game and feeling alone. This usually meets with a lot of identification shown by all the head bobbing.

Loneliness and resentments are a couple feelings many alcoholics have that send them relapsing so it’s important for us to work and change the effects of them for sobriety and sanity.

BE WELL

least

I always drank alone and isolated myself. Now that I'm sober, I'm not afraid to get out and participate in life.

ScottFromWI

Drinking actually made me MORE isolated. Once I got sober I realized how much I was really missing out on. It's scary to be certain, but you can absolutely do this if you want to.

Fly N Buy

Yesterday I started a thread about fear in sobriety - I had the same fears about relationships as you have. I am 9 1/2 months sober and while I am not run over with new friends there are a few and they are very real. These are honest, open relationships where we can reach out to each other anytime and enjoy just doing things together.

I do not beat the AA drum loudly, but in my case I craved the face to face support. I desired the fellowship. Going was way out of my comfort zone, but I now have met others that are honest about who they are. Most are not thumpers as one would define I guess, just people like me. Also, in growing spiritually to a degree even when I am by myself now I really do not feel alone very much.

Anyway, I can emphasize with your fear - glad your with us!

Alynn

Hi there! I just wanted to say that I have truly made some wonderul relationships with otheres in recovery. Mostly with my recovery group at church. I've attended a few AA meetings also and I see many of the longtermers have really wonderful relationships. My sponsor describes is as "doing life together". They truly care about one another, vacation together, and just hang out together. It's honesltly one of the main reasons I am going to stay in these groups.

NAP

Thanks all! I actually have a local about a block from my house, where I've been going, where I meet other heavy drinkers ("friends" - not), where they know my name and they know my drink. They have it ready when I walk in the door and I've come here many times when I've been lonely and drank it all away. I will miss it.

Dee74

You know that that's not real tho, right?

It might pass for ral if you've been doing ti a long time - iut may even remind you of TV shoes like Cheers...but in reality it's kind of a shared bondage where the only real glue is 'drinking til we fall down'/

I have real friends now and we do real things - I'm seeing a local theatre company tonight...tomorrow I have a friend coming over to jam...on Sunday I'm going over to another mates place to work on some tunes...

I was never that socially active when I was drinking.

My social circle then only had one interest - drinking and drugs.

Most times I was too drunk to function for anything else but sitting on a bar stool (and I often got too drunk for that too).

D

UnixBer

At least sober you have a chance at getting real relationships with people. Drinking is most likely very isolating and drains away at your energy level.

It still might take some kind of action on your part to start hobbies and meet new people. It all depends on your situtation. I kept my 20.5 month sobriety a secret from everyone in my life. Except later I had to let some folks in on it.

There may be other factors to the loneliness... like simply being different somehow, allergy to caffeine and many other things. One rule I find that works is just to keep at keeping contact to people, in any way you find suitable, and in sobriety, don't isolate too much. That's what I think.

NAP

I know it's not real, it just feels real (and comforting) when I'm going through the lonelies...