LBrain

"This is a very educated woman. Of course, my sister didn't drink. It's weird that some people who are very intelligent just don't get it. They think you can go back to drinking like a normie after rehab."

It's not really weird at all. I have often heard jokes in recovery circles that it 'isn't rocket science' - getting and staying sober.

Except for those who have no understanding of what addiction is or how addicts behave, it is kinda like "rocket science" to them. Some will never understand it. It is like bigfoot to them.

Aellyce

Sometimes it's just how they mean to express "love" towards us. I did not have this experience regarding drinking, but I did, and for a long time, about food with my mother. Feeding us (both me and my father) was her main form of expressing affection. She would make and offer food to us like 5 times a day, and most often really not healthy food. As a result, I was quite overweight as a child, and received a lot of teasing and bullying from other kids. When I was 10, I decided to stop accepting her food and fix my weight problem. That led to over a decade of eating disorders, which my parents recognized after a while of course. In the ideal case, it would have been good to get some professional help for me, but my parents either denied the problem or criticized me about it. Mom would still want to feed me the same way and complain if I refused it. It took me a good amount of time to come to peace with this part of my life and to stop feeling resentment towards her. She really never had any bad intention and just wanted to show me that she loved me, unfortunately it did not work out well. She also had a problem with food herself, which she never admitted.

I would try to have a serious conversation with your parents and tell them very clearly that you are not drinking and never will, so please stop offering it to you. If no effect, I guess there is nothing else to do but say "no" each time.

thomas11

You know, what this makes me think is the following: Alot of people are just really into themselves, they are oblivious to others. In others words, they know you have a problem, goes right over their head, they just want someone to have a beer/drink with. To hell YOUR problem, lets have a beer.

It reminds of when I see someone I haven't seen in a while and all they do is talk about themselves, their job, their family etc...I ALWAYS make an effort to say how are you, how is your wife, how are the kids doing, ya know common courtesy stuff. Some people are totally oblivious to that. I have saying about those people "if they aren't talking about themselves, they aren't talking". Kinda bugs me.

johnt99

Obviously we cannot choose who our families are, but it makes it pretty clear that we need to rethink who our real friends are and who we choose to spend our time with. Especially now that we are making these big positive changes in our lives. I think a lot of people get insecure or defensive when people around them are moving in a positive direction and they are not. I see some of them putting down our decisions or wondering why we would choose to do so, and I think it comes down to their insecurities most of the time.

ArtFriend

Thomas11 - sometimes parents view their kids as an extension of themselves. So if you have a "problem" they may either feel that it was somehow caused by the way they raised you and they can't/don't want to deal with that or you are making them "look bad". So, in order to not have to face uncomfortable feelings, they ignore your problem and act as if all is fine. Sorry you are going thru this.

TomTom75

I think certain cultures and families offering a drink is habit, routine. Mine will be supportive I'm sure but it's the "well-meaning" friends I'm gonna have to be strong with. Good on ya anyway

thomas11

Thanks DD, unfortunately I wouldn't even know where to get a crack pipe nowadays, much less the crack to put in it. And I'm proud of that.

ps. never done crack folks. Just making a point.

thomas11

Hi Johnt99, Isn't that amazing? I can almost see my parents saying the same thing. wow. Great comment.

hopeful4

It's very hard for friends and family to understand alcoholism if they have not experienced it themselves, or are in denial of it. Each time explain to them you don't drink anymore and that you really don't care to be offered a drink. That's all you can really do.

Your sobriety has to be #1!!!

thomas11

ArtFriend, bingo! They don't understand (I am the oldest) that I remember things very clearly from the ages of 9 to 14 when they fought until the middle of the night during the week, Mom threw his clothes on the lawn more than once, Dad disappeared for 3-4 days at a time, he totaled vehicles, he split his lip and lost teeth, threw food and plates against the wall. And then when everything calmed down, oh goodness, life is perfect. Yeah right. Crazy thing is, my father did work hard, landed a couple jobs of a lifetime, they've retired millionaires and so they think their past indiscretions are forgiven. My father built native american Casinos throughout the nation during the native american casino explosion. He's done well. Luck of the draw in my opinion. That gives them even more ammunition to bust my chops since I just own a lowly landscape company that does under half million a year. My father always had a boss, I don't. I am "the boss" but I don't look at that way. I'm part of my team, we work hard. But since I'm not as financially successful as them, they can tell me what it takes to be successful. Its VERY frustrating for me. And my one brother used to fly the founder of Best Buy around, now he flies for American Airlines, so he gets a free pass as well, because he's a big shot. Ya know what. I don't want to be a big shot, I want to be happy. I almost died a few times in my life, for real. I was flipping crazy, I'm proud that I've lived. So yeah, I have some resentment. I love my wife and my dog.

There are other parts of my life I'm not quite comfortable sharing as I was once "famous" in the US in my particular field. I've been on TV and I've been in magazines, I want to bury that. I just want to live a "normal" life. Lastly, my family is prejudice, they won't admit it, but they are. I married a gal from Peru, she's wonderful. And they love her, but won't admit it. I'm done.

thomas11

I'll take it one step further, in 1997 I got a DUI and when I went in front of the judge he told me "Mr so and so, I sentence you to 40 hours of community service or 3 days in the county jail" (this is downtown Minneapolis, bad scene), I looked at the judge and my response was "I ain't picking up cans on the side of the road, throw me in jail". And they did. I can laugh now, but it sucked.

so now you know, I can be a real d**k. Sorry folks, emotions are flowing this morning for some reason.

DrunkenDonuts

Hey Thomas. I wasn't saying you needed to get any crack, although pretty sure most convenience stores carry a line of "I'm a ******* crazy mother-******" in "smooth", "medium" or is "that a bug on my face?"

Any fifth grader should be able to make you a crack pipe now days. Just hollow out a tortoise and affix pipe-cleaners at points X Y and Z.

Hope this helps.