It's about time ...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: orlando, fl
Posts: 3
It's about time ...
Hello, I've been lurking for over a year and have decided today that it is as good a time as any to get sober. 30 years old, married with a 2 year old. I just made a list while reading Happy Hours (great book for Women) of my feelings about alcohol today:
*It makes me feel bad
*I consume more than anyone I associate with, including my husband
*I have blackouts
*I don't really have fun while drinking and certainly do not appear more attractive
*I passed out in front of my son once (we were partying with my parents and I knew he was safe, but still it broke my heart)
*I've now snuck a drink or two before husband comes home, that's a first for me
*I've gained weight and lost interest in my love of running
*I don't even really want to drink some nights and I do anyway
*I love remembering going to bed
*The guilt and obsession with it before, during and after I drink SUCKS!
*I loved being pregnant because I didn't/couldn't drink - it was such a relief
How messed up is all of that? I am so *proud* of myself when I don't get drunk, I hate that. I want to be a great Mom and a great wife, last night I bumped into the wall while helping my son during potty training. (I wasn't drunk enough to not remember, just drunk enough to do it and feel immediately guilty) I've been making strides, but being "better" isn't working for me. I really think I need to quit. Just writing this out and sharing is a huge step for me. I started drinking in college, even gave it up for a whole semester, for weight reasons, not any other, and gave it up while pregnant ... that's it over the past 10 years. I don't get loaded every night, but I certainly drink something every evening. I don't want to anymore. It has been such a part of my lifestyle all of my life. My parents have always been heavy drinkers, have one before you go somewhere, have one before the guests come, have one more just because, I don't want to do this anymore. Husband and I met at a bar and have been nightly drinkers ever since. He doesn't ever get drunk anymore though, that's just me.
Anyway, thanks for reading, you all are an inspiration, I'm trying to figure out my best path here. I'll keep coming back. Pray for me, this is day (1).
*It makes me feel bad
*I consume more than anyone I associate with, including my husband
*I have blackouts
*I don't really have fun while drinking and certainly do not appear more attractive
*I passed out in front of my son once (we were partying with my parents and I knew he was safe, but still it broke my heart)
*I've now snuck a drink or two before husband comes home, that's a first for me
*I've gained weight and lost interest in my love of running
*I don't even really want to drink some nights and I do anyway
*I love remembering going to bed
*The guilt and obsession with it before, during and after I drink SUCKS!
*I loved being pregnant because I didn't/couldn't drink - it was such a relief
How messed up is all of that? I am so *proud* of myself when I don't get drunk, I hate that. I want to be a great Mom and a great wife, last night I bumped into the wall while helping my son during potty training. (I wasn't drunk enough to not remember, just drunk enough to do it and feel immediately guilty) I've been making strides, but being "better" isn't working for me. I really think I need to quit. Just writing this out and sharing is a huge step for me. I started drinking in college, even gave it up for a whole semester, for weight reasons, not any other, and gave it up while pregnant ... that's it over the past 10 years. I don't get loaded every night, but I certainly drink something every evening. I don't want to anymore. It has been such a part of my lifestyle all of my life. My parents have always been heavy drinkers, have one before you go somewhere, have one before the guests come, have one more just because, I don't want to do this anymore. Husband and I met at a bar and have been nightly drinkers ever since. He doesn't ever get drunk anymore though, that's just me.
Anyway, thanks for reading, you all are an inspiration, I'm trying to figure out my best path here. I'll keep coming back. Pray for me, this is day (1).
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Welcome
Glad you decided to make the leap and share your story. My prayers go out to you and a big congratulations on day 1. Keep coming back for support and may I suggest you check into some recovery programs in your local area. I myself am a member of AA. Good luck and have a great 24 today. You just made a huge step in finding some resolve in your life. Life without alcohol is doable and AOK in my book. Today you inspire me.
Talia
Glad you decided to make the leap and share your story. My prayers go out to you and a big congratulations on day 1. Keep coming back for support and may I suggest you check into some recovery programs in your local area. I myself am a member of AA. Good luck and have a great 24 today. You just made a huge step in finding some resolve in your life. Life without alcohol is doable and AOK in my book. Today you inspire me.
Talia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: orlando, fl
Posts: 3
Thank you Talia. It seems that it is just time to get real a bit about it and start living the life that I really want, and to stop self-medicating and ignoring my real issues. Thanks for the encouragement! :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Under The Stars
Posts: 47
Wow, you described me perfectly, except, I have more experience than you do! Passed out more than once in front of my 2 year old, I have tripped and fallen with him a couple times, he's been sick and I've tried to comfort him in the night, not really remembering it because I was so drunk, it just goes on! I knew I had a problem before I got pregnant with him, but, didn't do anything about it! Stayed sober the entire pregnancy, it was wonderful! No guilt, remorse, hangovers, etc.. Started drinking again when I could and it quickly spun out of control!
This past year I began sneaking drinks, lying, you name it, I did it! My husband started noticing, but, it didn't stop me! Kept lying and sneaking! I suffered some of the worst hangovers of my life this past year! Blackouts, passouts, weight gain, etc... I've stopped and started so many times, I can't begin to tell you, I finally got sick and tired of being hungover all the time, lying, sneaking, fighting with husband, worst of all, not being there for my kid!
I got sober 45 days ago and I'm sticking with it this time! It wasn't easy in the beginning, some days are still tough, I forgot how to handle life sober, but, I'm happy to say it's getting WAY better! The desire to have a drink is nearly gone, I still stuggle a bit on the weekends, but, as others have said, 24 hours at a time! I try not to think beyond that! It works!
Welcome and Good Luck! Stay in touch!
K
This past year I began sneaking drinks, lying, you name it, I did it! My husband started noticing, but, it didn't stop me! Kept lying and sneaking! I suffered some of the worst hangovers of my life this past year! Blackouts, passouts, weight gain, etc... I've stopped and started so many times, I can't begin to tell you, I finally got sick and tired of being hungover all the time, lying, sneaking, fighting with husband, worst of all, not being there for my kid!
I got sober 45 days ago and I'm sticking with it this time! It wasn't easy in the beginning, some days are still tough, I forgot how to handle life sober, but, I'm happy to say it's getting WAY better! The desire to have a drink is nearly gone, I still stuggle a bit on the weekends, but, as others have said, 24 hours at a time! I try not to think beyond that! It works!
Welcome and Good Luck! Stay in touch!
K
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Eastern Massachusetts
Posts: 55
Hi Time - Welcome to SR and I'm glad you introduced yourself. All our stories are the same but different in so many ways, aren't they. Knowing that makes me feel so much less alone in the world. My husband is not a drinker (he can have one drink at a party and that will be it) and really doesn't understand why I don't just drink the way he does. He doesn't get that I simply cannot do that; that if I drink I drink til I'm drunk (and then some) and that I have learned that I simply can't drink. Simply - yeah, right.
I hope you find help here with SR. It has been a true gift for me. I've only been sober a couple of weeks, but I could not have even that under my belt without this site. I will pray for you and for your family. Good luck!
I hope you find help here with SR. It has been a true gift for me. I've only been sober a couple of weeks, but I could not have even that under my belt without this site. I will pray for you and for your family. Good luck!
Castaway
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 783
Hi Itsabouttime and Suckerpunched,
I can understand the feelings that come with stepping outside oneself and realizing that the choices made are not in the best interest of ourself or those around us.
It seemed like I just woke up one day as you have
and made the decision to stop the madness. There are many wonderful and loving supporters on this site.
I can understand the feelings that come with stepping outside oneself and realizing that the choices made are not in the best interest of ourself or those around us.
It seemed like I just woke up one day as you haveand made the decision to stop the madness. There are many wonderful and loving supporters on this site.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Hi Itsabouttime,
I'm glad you found us here and I agree with you, it's such a relief to not drink. Actually, it felt like the world was opening up to me and I could finally think about something other than drinking!
Congratulations on Day 1 and just take it slow, don't get overwhelmed.
Hope you keep posting.
Love, Anna
I'm glad you found us here and I agree with you, it's such a relief to not drink. Actually, it felt like the world was opening up to me and I could finally think about something other than drinking!
Congratulations on Day 1 and just take it slow, don't get overwhelmed.
Hope you keep posting.
Love, Anna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: orlando, fl
Posts: 3
Thank you all so much. Suckerpunched, thank you for sharing even more of your story. And to all of the rest of you, thank you again so much - I have been reading many of your posts for awhile and have been wishing you well. It means a lot to know that this group is here, and like I said I have been hanging around for about a year. Always looking to find a story that was "worse than mine" so that I could justify my behavior. Last night we went out to dinner and I didn't have anything to drink and didn't even want to. 2 weeks ago I had one night when I didn't and loved it as well - surprised at how easy it can be sometimes. Came home, watched the olympics, remembered everything I saw and loved the feeling of going to bed at 11 (instead of "falling asleep" around 9:30).
Thinking only about today and trying not to think of the 3 social functions this weekend coming up. 2 at our house (that seems to be where my problem lies, not so much when we go out, but when I am in the comforts of my own home) ... one day at a time. Thank you all so much!
Thinking only about today and trying not to think of the 3 social functions this weekend coming up. 2 at our house (that seems to be where my problem lies, not so much when we go out, but when I am in the comforts of my own home) ... one day at a time. Thank you all so much!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Under The Stars
Posts: 47
Yup, know what you mean, my favorite place to drink was in the comfort of my own home! I could sneak drinks w/o anyone noticing, or so I thought! I used to keep our bar fridge stocked and I would sneak drinks from that, our garage fridge too, bottle of wine hidden, etc... The first few functions we held at our home I thought would be unbearable w/o a drink! I used to love cooking and enjoying a bottle of wine only to not remember parts of the evening and wondering what "stuipid" things I said, did I make a jerk out of myself, etc... In reality, I enjoy the events now, it's a huge relief to remember everything, enjoy a sober conversation, and truthfully, the best part for me is putting the last dish away reflecting on the day knowing I stayed sober, didn't do anything stupid, realize I actually can enjoy a situation sober and retire with a clear conscience!
For me, once I made my mind up, I stuck with it! I made my mind up probably 100 times to stop drinking, LOL, but this last time stuck! There were nights I hung on by my fingernails because I wanted to "relax" with a drink(s), but, I gutted it out! Quite a few nights I was pretty crabby because I wanted to drink/didin't want to drink, fought with myself, etc.. but the mood faded when I woke up sober/hangover free the next morning!
I think you'll find once you break the habit, the desire to drink will fade away! Change your routine and keep changing it! It's amazing how mixing things up will help keep you sober!
I have a family wedding to attend this weekend, would love to be able to drink with everyone else, but....... Let's keep this weekend sober together, OK???? Stay in touch!!
For me, once I made my mind up, I stuck with it! I made my mind up probably 100 times to stop drinking, LOL, but this last time stuck! There were nights I hung on by my fingernails because I wanted to "relax" with a drink(s), but, I gutted it out! Quite a few nights I was pretty crabby because I wanted to drink/didin't want to drink, fought with myself, etc.. but the mood faded when I woke up sober/hangover free the next morning!
I think you'll find once you break the habit, the desire to drink will fade away! Change your routine and keep changing it! It's amazing how mixing things up will help keep you sober!
I have a family wedding to attend this weekend, would love to be able to drink with everyone else, but....... Let's keep this weekend sober together, OK???? Stay in touch!!
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