free29

Struggling tonight. It's been a tough road for me lately. Relapsed after 35 days sober with a good drinking friend of mine. Trying to slowly let go of a couple drinking friends that I've known for years. I'm close to both of their families and friends so it makes cutting ties even more painful. Just looking for some other experiences and advice tonight. I make friends easily but I am having a real hard time letting go of these people. I want their support but I'm not really getting it.
I'm 28 days sober today.

Dee74

Hi Free

my real friends - even the ones who drank hard - supported me in my recovery.

I don;t know you or these guys and I only have a paragraph to work on, but if you're not getting that support, then maybe these guys aren't your friends, and just drinking buds?

DrakeCKC

Good friends will support and understand. Give them time and good "drinking buddies" will come around too. The others will show you how much or how little you mean to them.

Changing playmates and playgrounds is one of the toughest parts of recovery.

free29

Thanks Dee. Yeah one of them is convinced I don't really have a "problem" that I just drink when under stress.....
The other one knows I'm in AA and that I have a sponsor. I went off the wagon at her wedding so she thinks my attempts are "funny" and needless to say, I don't share the same sentiment. Is it necessary for me to sit down and have a serious talk with them about my recovery? Because either they don't get it or they don't want to.

free29

It's exhausting. My sponsor says I shouldn't "test" them (which I'm not trying to do I'm just frustrated), that I need to really lay it out there before I will know where our relationship stands. I've been keeping my distance from both of them lately because I don't know where to go with this.

FeelingGreat

I was going to say the same thing. You may not have talked seriously enough to them. If you tell them this is really important to you, and something you need their support with, they may get it.
If they don't, then keep your distance.

Chuck39

Put all your cards on the table ... only then will you know what you're dealing with and can act accordingly. People have the uncanny ability to amaze sometimes and you could find your greatest allies. If not, well at least then you know where you stand. Just my $0.02.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there!! 28 Days is fantastic!!

free29

Thanks everyone. I will have to discuss this more with them. It's hard to let go, even if you know it's inevitable. I appreciate the feedback.

Soberwolf

Exellent work on 28 days sober i agree with D's post

Anna

I don't think you should have to convince your friends that you are choosing the right path, but it might be a good idea to be clear to them before you decide to move away from them. Right now, the most important thing for you to do is to focus your energy on your recovery.

Aellyce

I agree with your sponsor in that "testing" friends (any manipulative act) may not lead to helpful and constructive development. I think it's okay to withdraw a little and care about yourself primarily, but I would not let this turn into a defensive or fearful type of distance given that you do seem to care about these friends. My suggestion is what I bolded in your post. The power of open and honest discussion can be amazing. I would say try this once with your friends, see how they react. If they really are good friends for you and not too deep in any sort of own denial, they will most likely understand. I sympathize with your concerns because I also tend to value close friendships highly, especially if they have been in my life for a good while. Not easy to drop due to momentary conflicts and/or changes in the values of one person. But I also would not push it much in early recovery and especially to the detriment of my own well being.

You might also benefit from making some new (sober?) friends -- you said it's not hard for you to do so. Novelty can be very helpful in early sobriety.

free29

Thanks haennie. Yes I have since relied on my sponsor to talk me through things but things are weird between us. I get the sense she doesn't like me so I'm trying to find a new sponsor which adds to my stress. I will put myself out there to my friends and give them the opportunity to step up for me. I've made a few acquaintances in AA but not many I feel a close connection with. I think I'm trying to force friendships rather than just letting it happen. I think I'm trying to hard because I know how important it is to have sober friends.

free29

Btw I celebrated 30 days today. I made it to 35 last time but this time it feels different. I feel so much stronger.

SoberLife90

My friends would NEVER support me going back to drinking...ever. If these people are truly your friends they should understand. Tell your friends about your problem and what your doing to address it!

Soberwolf

Congrats on 30 days Free thats exellent

TomTom75

30 days fab and well done getting back to it, Admire your courage

Berrybean

One of my (actually the closest) friend now admits to trying to sabotage me in the beginning and says she only stopped when I'd stopped seeing her so much as a consequence and gave her the option of seeing me for some non-bar only dates (coffee and cake, shopping trips, seaside, etc) for a while so she could see that we could still have fun without me drinking.

Some people, no matter how hard they try, really don't 'get' what support I do / don't find helpful, or how serious this is for me. (eg this message...

...'Oi you! I can't believe that you actually though that I was REALLY trying to get you off the wagon! Idiot. I respect your decision but I also demand the right to mock you and pretend to 'tempt' you with boozes. Sorry for peeing you off. :o( I suppose you won't be mooching along to the Winter Ale Fest at the end of the month? (They have a bar so soft drinks should be available, and you may be able to pretend to be a 'designated driver'! Again - sorry! x'

Light-hearted enough, but not at all helpful or enjoyable to be out with to be honest. No big falling out, but definite self-preservation distance kept from this one!

On the up-side, I have been able to mend some bridges that I thought I'd burnt to destruction with non-boozy friends of old, and am also enjoying a new and closer relationship with some of my relatives now. Plus I have found some amazing friends in AA and have a much more pleasant relationship with my partner. I also enjoy spending quiet and reflective time alone, which I didn't so much before.

Ento

Today is day 1 again for me. I have had to unfortunely delete my friends off of social media. My best friends and relatives all drink way too much and when they are not drinking, they are using drugs. In the past i have had a few months sobriety under my belt but as soon as i see any of my friends again, I am triggered. Think fancy dress events and conventions.

I am sad that i have to say good bye to friends but I now know more about myself and at the end of the day, my partner and kids come before friends. My kids need me to be sober.

Good luck.

FreeOwl

One of the things that AA gave me was a new community for early sobriety. With some sober time under my belt, I was able to be in settings with alcohol and be around those of my friends who are still drinkers - even pretty heavy ones....

But early on, it was really really hard to be around that. I couldn't seek support from drinking friends, really... because they were still living that life and it wasn't something they could really provide.

AA became a source of critical friendship so that I still had human interaction and caring support. In many ways, the friendship of AA was more genuine than a lot of the friendships I had around my drinking circles....