tryingthistime

So, I'm back. Its been a year or so since I tried to quit drinking so here I go again. I truly do realize now that I am an alcoholic (something I always pretended I wasn't)... Truthfully, I have probably had a real problem with alcohol since I was around 27 or 28. That would mean that I've been steadily abusing for 13 or 14 years....Yikes!

I'm a very high functioning alcoholic so that has probably allowed me to hide from the reality of the situation. As you would suspect, my drinking has always steadily increased over the years. What once was 3 or 4 beers can easily now be a pint or two of vodka at night. I drink almost every day and find some kind of solace when I only have a few drinks.

The wheels really came off and I've been drinking more heavily since about 7 months ago when my wife left me. At the time I again lied to myself and blamed her....but alcohol was certainly one of the major problems. Hell, I pretty much worked, played with our kids, and then got drunk on the couch. Quite a husband.....

So. Here I am. I'm going to try to be open where before I was closed. I am going to try to listen when before I could/would not. I hope to be better. For me....my kids....and maybe one day for someone else.

uggghhhh.....it looks like a long way away from here.....

Soberwolf

Welcome bk Tryingthistime have you got a sober plan

AddictGuy

I hate to admit my weaknesses and failings too but as bad as that is, it's worse not to. You start out lying to others it's a small step to lying to yourself.

It may be a long way but it will be longer if you don't begin. I remember something Ann Landers said in her advice column to someone who was saying that they would like to go to college or something but that it would take 4 years and they would be such and such an age by then and she asked them, "Well, how old will you be in 4 years if you don't go?"

Joe Cocker, who nearly killed himself with drugs and alcohol did this song, with the hook line: "I'm Listening Now" Cool, huh?

Good luck on your journey.

awuh1

It may be less a matter of trying harder than of trying something different.

thursdayborn

Hi Trying. Well done on coming back here! I just joined today and don't have any great advice for you yet, but I know how hard it is to face the first day. I'm there now, one of many attempts. Like you for me it had been a while since even trying. It sounds like you're very motivated and have a lot that you want in sobriety. I hope all goes well for you here and in the rest of your recovery.

Dee74

I agree with awuh - trying harder on something that didn't work last time may simply give the same result you got this time, not the results you want.

What can you do differently this time?

D

Ruby2

Hi there. I was going to say much the same thing as awuh and Dee. Work smarter, not harder. What do you plan to do differently? I saw that you joined in 2010 and have 19 posts. Maybe make a commitment to throw yourself into recovery. Post and read here, for a start.

I was the ultimate procrastinator. Still am in large part. admitting I couldn't drink normally was one things I was slow to admit but now that I've accepted that, I'm here ever day, reading and posting.

Keep coming back! There is safety in numbers and always the support that you need on here.

tryingthistime

Thanks for the comments. I tend to agree on the trying differently versus harder. No grand plan yet. Just trying to be honest and then I'll go from there. Did start a new exercise program so maybe I can switch to a healthier obsession.

For today I'm just playing with my kids and have no alcohol in the house for later. It'll be an interesting night but I am looking for a different life. I do acknowledge I won't get there if I follow my normal path.

I might look up some local AA meetings tomorrow. Never thought I'd do that but clearly I need to try different things if I want a different result....

Easy to write. Hard to imagine.

Komplex

Hi trying! Day one for me too.

thomas11

Hi tryingthistime, sorry to hear about your situation. That does not sound pleasant. There is a big difference between reading posts and advice and actually doing them or implementing them. The old saying "easier said than done". I wish you the very best and hope for long term success.