Day 3 - first post
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 6
Day 3 - first post
Hello,
I have been in and out of recovery for years. The first time I went to AA and this site was in 2007. I would say I've been sober a total of 3.5 years out of the last 8 years with the longest stretch being 22 months.
Today - I have 3 days.
I am here to report / admit that being in recovery is more fun, more "freeing", and a much easier way to live than trying manage my alcoholism. Now, that knowledge means absolutely nothing in terms of keeping me sober - but it is the truth.
I relapsed after 22 months of sobriety / recovery this time last year. I've managed to somewhat keep my drinking controlled with the help of other drugs. But it's so tiresome.
I drink because I want to change the way I feel and I want to change the world around me. Alcohol does that for me. It literally changes (in my own mind) the world around me. It just comes at such a price, takes such a toll, that if I was doing a pro / con sheet the con's would outnumber the pro's 100 to 1. BUT - that 1 is stronger than the 100 con's when I need to feel different and that's the reason I continue to drink.
I do not want to drink anymore. My plan of action is to go back to AA and frequent this site. So here I am - back for the 100th time. Knowing everything to say, knowing exactly why I drink, and none of matters in keeping me sober. I continue to go back to the very thing that causes me so many problems.
Low self esteem, fear, tremendous ego, child like reactions to life - all are cured (while at the same time made 100 times worse) by alcohol.
It feels good to get honest again. I know my truth. I am an alcoholic and can't can't can't can't stay away from the first drink on my own. I need help and that's why I'm here.
Thank you!
SandyB (my AA hero).
I have been in and out of recovery for years. The first time I went to AA and this site was in 2007. I would say I've been sober a total of 3.5 years out of the last 8 years with the longest stretch being 22 months.
Today - I have 3 days.
I am here to report / admit that being in recovery is more fun, more "freeing", and a much easier way to live than trying manage my alcoholism. Now, that knowledge means absolutely nothing in terms of keeping me sober - but it is the truth.
I relapsed after 22 months of sobriety / recovery this time last year. I've managed to somewhat keep my drinking controlled with the help of other drugs. But it's so tiresome.
I drink because I want to change the way I feel and I want to change the world around me. Alcohol does that for me. It literally changes (in my own mind) the world around me. It just comes at such a price, takes such a toll, that if I was doing a pro / con sheet the con's would outnumber the pro's 100 to 1. BUT - that 1 is stronger than the 100 con's when I need to feel different and that's the reason I continue to drink.
I do not want to drink anymore. My plan of action is to go back to AA and frequent this site. So here I am - back for the 100th time. Knowing everything to say, knowing exactly why I drink, and none of matters in keeping me sober. I continue to go back to the very thing that causes me so many problems.
Low self esteem, fear, tremendous ego, child like reactions to life - all are cured (while at the same time made 100 times worse) by alcohol.
It feels good to get honest again. I know my truth. I am an alcoholic and can't can't can't can't stay away from the first drink on my own. I need help and that's why I'm here.
Thank you!
SandyB (my AA hero).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Welcome back Sandy. Your history sounds a bit like mine! Day 9 here after a spell of a few months drinking after 11 months sober - etc. ad nauseam!
Doing things differently this time though! AA is not for me, but I am seeing an addiction counsellor, following a plan and feeling positive!
Doing things differently this time though! AA is not for me, but I am seeing an addiction counsellor, following a plan and feeling positive!
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