justinJustQuit

So most of you probably saw my post that I relapsed and today is my first day sober again. I have all the ability in the world to stay sober while I'm in my routine. The problem comes in when I get out of my routine. It's usually stuff that life throws at you. Illness in the family, work functions, whatever.

I have tried going to AA meetings when these things happen. I have tried to pause and really think about why I picked up.

I've read the links about how to handle cravings and they don't seem to help me. I know I can't be the only one in the world who just doesn't have good willpower.

Dee74

Maybe the problem isn't willpower though, Justin?

Have you really accepted that you can't drink anymore - no matter what?

Have you worked on finding and using other tools to get you through the situations and feelings that you keep turning to drink for?

Can you honestly say you've worked hard and consistently on your recovery throughout the months you were sober - even when you weren't craving?

Have you reached out and asked for help before you drank again...or only after?

It takes that kind of fearless inventory and total commitment I think.

D

justinJustQuit

I have known I'm unable to drink. I've known for a year or more.

as far as tools go, I've used the HALT (Hungry angry lonely tired), I've tried AVRT (which seems to be working better)

for the working hard and consistently, I have probably failed in that regard especially in regards to using this site.

I've only asked for help during withdrawal and hangover periods.

Dee74

Then you need to ask yourself why you keep going back...and just my opinion but 'because I'm alcoholic' is not really going to help you...dig deeper...

do you hate feeling different and want to fit in? or do you think that maybe this time your drinking experience will be different?

maybe you're just a your wits end and know of no other other ways to deal with situations, stresses, feeling?

you can never have too many tools

Why not give AA a go...even do the steps...get some numbers from people to call when you need help..before you drink, not after...I really think you can turn this around

best wishes
D

least

I didn't use AA to stay sober, but I knew I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. That was the key, for me.

MIRecovery

The key is to go AA meetings long before these things happen. If you have a sponsor, are working the steps, and have a sober network you are much less likely to fall back into old patterns

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure

ScottFromWI

Committment to whatever program or method you choose is the key Justin. There is no sobriety method that "ends" after a certain step or period of time. What you do over time changes, but you can never assume it is safe to simply "not drink".

Bmac

You say you have all the ability to stay sober, but IMO, you are setting yourself up with pre-established excuses. "they don't help me", "I don't have good willpower". At some point in every alcoholics life, we simply had to make a decision to not drink no matter what, no excuses. It didn't matter if we understood the steps, it didn't matter if we went to AA, church, joined a monastary or locked ourselves in a room. We just had to not drink under any and all circumstances.

You don't have to "get it" now. All you have to do is not drink or use...PERIOD. The "getting it" part will come with time.

I think you are putting the cart before the horse. You want understanding first, and then you will stop. Reality is that you have to stop first, then understanding will come in time. You can and will do this! I believe in you even if you are doubting yourself.

justinJustQuit

Oh believe me I've come a long way. I used to drink 365 days a year. I relapse around every few months on average. It varies of course. I'm not saying It's good enough because it's not. But mathematically speaking, I've learned a TON.

I'm not planning on drinking or anything like that at all. I'm just saying I haven't understood everything yet. but I've been trying.

fini

justin,
you say you've tried to go to AA meetings when bad things happen, and only ask for help during withdrawal/hangover.
sounds like you wait til you're in real deep before getting engaged.
for me, i can't swear what's kept me sober all these years, but i think it has much, if not everything, to do with not waiting to connect until things get real bad.

possibly being in touch with others, around sober alcoholics, on a more regular basis might help you get the tools to deal when things get rough without returning to drinking.

justinJustQuit

That seems true to an extent. There are two individuals at work who know about my problem that I talk to before a screw up, but that might not be enough.

Coldfusion

Maybe an AA phone list would be helpful. These people will talk or even come to your home if you want.

MIRecovery

Were you ever planning on drinking or anything like that? Cunning, baffling, and powerful. Winging sobriety is seldom effective

tomsteve

Youve gone to meetings. That's good. However, going to meetings and not drinking don't treat alcoholism.

"It's usually stuff that life throws at you. Illness in the family, work functions, whatever. "

No, not what life throws at me.
When I got sober I was my mothers caregiver and she lived with me. She had dementia.
It wasn't easy. But I still got sober.
My car needed new brakes and a lot more work about a month after getting sober.
I didn't drink.
Roof started leaking that first summer.
I didn't drink.
Flew out to Oklahoma 5 months into recovery to see my son graduate basic training.
I didn't drink.
Diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months into recovery. Spent the next three years fighting cancer.
I didn't drink.
Held my moms hand while she took her last breath.
I didn't drink.
Friend committed suicide.
I didn't drink.

I think one reason I didn't drink throug that and a lot more of life on life's terms is because I stopped letting excuses control my life. I decided to take responsibility for me and my actions. One way that came about is havin some people in the fellowship call me it on my BS excuses.
This is what I read:
" The problem comes in when I get out of my routine. It's usually stuff that life throws at you. Illness in the family, work functions, whatever. "
the problem as I'm reading it right there, and in a lot of your past posts show the same,is selfish,selfcentered ego. Life in life's terms interrupts what YOU want to do. You start playing God and think you know better what should be happening in life.

tomsteve

The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. Ifhis arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.

What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.

ScottFromWI

How's it going today Justin? Hope the detox isn't too rough.

justinJustQuit

It's going really well. About done with it!