lisyloo

Hi, this is not my first time being sober, but it will be my last. The "demons" inside of me tocaused me to be drinking have been burned. This is the first time I haven't gotten thoughts of being sober without the thought of when I can drink in moderatation. There is nothing moderate about me drinking. It helps my decision that many things are happening to me and my body due to the drinking that it is no longer worth the price I am paying. Even with that motivation I am sure to have some difficult days, I plan on working on my health as a focus. I know I have done damage and I hope I can repair it. My husband who is about 10 years older drinks beer all the time, he tried quitting drinking also but just can't do it. So I'm in this alone. I noticed 2 things happen when I quit,1) he drinks more 2) he starts bringing whiskey in the house. I can handle the beer but whiskey has always been my down fall. He claims he won't do 2 again, but we shall see. As for 1, it's starting already, when we run low on money he will borrow or even use grocery money to buy beer, he has done both already. It's frustrating, I try to use the extra money from me not drinking to buy myself rewards (like getting my eyebrows waxed, or buying plants) but with him buying beer more the extra doesn't exist. If I say something it will cause a fight, and when I don't I resent him. Any thoughts?

ScottFromWI

Welcome Lisyloo and congrats on 2 weeks, you have made a great decision. Sorry to hear of your troubles with your husbands drinking too. While difficult, it is possible to be sober with a spouse or partner who is not. Lean on support here and elsewhere as much as you can. It wouldn't hurt to attempt an honest conversation with your husband about YOUR drinking. You can explain why you are quitting and ask if he can honor/support your decision. You cannot control his drinking, but if you are fully honest he may keep the booze to himself...maybe not but worth a shot.

Thepatman

First welcome to SR!

Second, happy you are realizing Alcohol needs to be removed from your life..

That brings me to third. You might want to have healthy discussion with your husband. There is no way on earth I could have stopped and stay stopped watching someone drink everyday. Just seeing my neighbour having beer while working outside triggered me. As for money to buy you little rewards, specially some good food that you will enjoy is critical. The small rewards are what helps going. No rewards, the F-it feeling will be hard to suppress.

This is about you, all about you. Be selfish of your sobriety. Hold it like something fragile, like a baby that needs your full attention and care. 24/7.

Fly N Buy

Welcome lisyloo, glad you're with us!

As we stay sober one day at a time, my experience has been that things become more clear and our choices/decisions are based on better thought processes. Our bodies, minds and spirits can indeed be rejuvenated as we get futher away from our last drink.

Work on your program and sometimes the changes to ourselves can be a positive influence on those around us. It takes time......

Keep coming back!

DrunkenDonuts

Glad you're here! I'll let the longer term people with more experience give advice.

kzaug2014

Hi Lisyloo!
Welcome to SR & congrats on 2wks!

We have similar problems w/our hubbys, although not w/alcohol.

7mos ago, my hubby & I went to rehab ( Iv H. ) He relapsed immediately ( actually didn't even stay in rehab. ) So I had to deal w/withdrawals, recovery, ect...while he was in the bathroom, doing drugs everyday ( did this for over a mo., until he went back to rehab. )

He relapsed again last mo., but I'm staying clean for ME! I have to, as idwant die & I want to feel like I do today...everyday!

You can do this! But, it's important to get outside support! AA, keep posting & reading every opportunity you can! The people here are wonderful support!

Berrybean

I remember my OH started drinking more when I stopped. It turned out that he was actually quite angry and anxious about it, and felt that I'd made the decision without his agreement. (Lol - it would have been a long wait for him to agree to it), and because the drinking was something that we've always done together and he felt rejected and threatened by the fact that I was going off to 'weird places' (AA) and talking to 'random strangers' (people in the fellowship). It was a lonely and frustrating old time for me, and I wouldn't have got through it without the support of understanding and empathising folk on here,and at AA. Once he realised that I wasn't splitting with him, just the booze, he's started cutting down a little bit himself.

Is there a reason why you can't take your spending money and pop it into a separate holding place (or your purse??) instead of spending it on booze without a discussion?

Me and my OH still have some little issues that raise their head (a year later) but generally he's happy that I'm sober because I'm happier and we don't have horrid drunken rows any more. Last night when he was drunk he got a bit silly and self-centred that he wasn't on my prayer list that he found, and wanted to know why I'm not praying for him. (If he WAS on is he's have moaned about that as well). In the end I laughed and added him on. No point arguing with him when he's drunk, and I can stay calm now I have some sobriety under my belt.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Lisyloo!!

Dee74

Hi and welcome Lisyloo

Having a drinking spouse makes it challenging for sure but as scott said, it's not a deal breaker...there's tons of sober support here and elsewhere

D

Soberwolf

Welcome Lisyloo its nice to meet you

neferkamichael

Lisyloo, 2 weeks sober is FANTASTIC, congratulations. In the situation you describe with your husband, if I had my own source of income I would keep it completely separate from his source of income. Please do stand up for yourself, having resentments can be bad for your health. I'd tell him as far as his drinking goes he's on his own, including the money to buy it. Rootin for ya.