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This Saturday Morning is different

Old 03-21-2015, 05:35 AM
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This Saturday Morning is different

Last Saturday I was an anxiety ridden mess. Had the worst panic attack, and a friend stopped by in the middle of it. Told her I was actually feeling suicidal.

I left to go to detox, but left after sitting three hours in the waiting room. (Was approved, and just waiting to be admitted.) Came home and recommitted to sobriety. Road out the discomfort.

I have a week, and this saturday is a world of difference. I have antabuse just in case (I know there are mixed feelings on this.)

I am feeling strong, but wretched about what I did to my friend. She is frantic, sending me texts and emails, pushing mental health (which I sorely need), and I am just. . .angry with her. I want her to back off and I know her intentions are good, but the impact on me is hard.

Probably harder on her, and reminds me of how selfish this disease is. I ruined her week, and dented our friendship. She told my best childhood friend out of fear when I asked her not to share with anyone. She did it from love, but it felt like a betrayal.

This is a ramble. Good news is that I am sober, had a triumph at work yesterday, and feel strong. Now, need to get into intensive counseling. I lost my twin brother to alcohol, and my birthday is Monday. Always puts be in a tailspin, but not this year.

Thanks for letting me prattle on, and happy weekend to everyone.
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Old 03-21-2015, 05:47 AM
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great post!!

keep at it.

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Old 03-21-2015, 06:15 AM
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Good morning C4g,

Congrats on 1wk.!

I wouldn't worry about your bf too much ( you need to concentrate on you. )

My bf from childhood is also an alcoholic ( actually cross addicted. ) We've been bf's for 33yrs.

In 2002, I let her & her 2 girls come live w/my family. I had no idea what a mean, nasty drunk she had become because I had moved an hr away 4yrs. prior & had lost touch w/her during that time.

She came from a very long line of alcoholics ( parents & all 11 siblings were alcoholics. ) She swore she'd never be like them ( very familiar story. )

Before she started drinking heavily, she was the most wonderful person I had ever met ( king, loving, giving, compassionate, ect... )

I realized she had become an alcoholic immediately as she'd down a case of beer everyday before going to her 2nd shift job. And, this woman must have had the tolerance of an elephant, because she never seemed drunk to me ( until she came home from work @ midnight & preceded to drink herself into a stuper! )

She also became very verbally abusive. She would call her own daughters slits, bitches, whores, ect... I was flabbergasted!!! And needless to say, this started a lot of major fights between her & I.

I put up w/2mo's of that insanity ( for the kids sake ) & then kicked her out! She wasn't the bf I had always known!

I didn't talk to her for about 5yrs ( I'm very stubborn when it comes to subjecting myself to abuse in any form! ) But, we managed to patch things up & I just talked to her for about an hour this wk.! And I love her!

Things have a way of working themselves out!

Everyone's here for you!
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Old 03-21-2015, 06:47 AM
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Great post. Work on you and it will fall into place
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Old 03-21-2015, 07:11 AM
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Fantastic!!
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Old 03-21-2015, 07:49 AM
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Exellent post
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Old 03-21-2015, 07:58 AM
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Glad you're here!

I have learned that anger can lead me to the drink........I must find ways to deal with this basic human emotion. As an alcoholic I cannot allow anger to fester and churn resentments, or I'll put a D in front of it = (d)anger!

Thanks for the post !
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Old 03-21-2015, 08:15 AM
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For me learning to set out boundaries is critical. I need my emotional "bubble", anyone coming too close needs to be told.

Tell your friend you appreciate the help and support, but that you know what you have to do, will call when /if you ned help. She could be feeding on the drama. Many people need drama, I don't like drama.
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Old 03-21-2015, 04:00 PM
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Here's to a different 2015 C4G

D
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