countrygirl2014

16 years ago today, my fiancé was killed in a drunk driving crash. It was the worst night of my life. I was offered overtime at work and even though I knew he went out, I called to tell him. I knew immediately something was wrong. That was 11pm. I went home and acted neurotic until a friend calmed me down. I couldn't stop thinking something bad was going to happen to him. 220 I thought my insides were being ripped out. I called my friend back who calmed me down and I finally fell asleep. 430 am I woke up and called my fiancé. His mom answered and I started screaming he's dead! Just tell me I already know. "Yes" she said. The crash happened at 220 and his insides crushed and tore him apart. Him and the driver were both ejected from the vehicle which landed on him. The drunk driver lived. The horror of seeing someone you thought you could never live without laying in a casket is indescribable. He looked alive. That image haunts me tonight. I know I have gotten drunk and sick every march 20th. Not tonight. But the pain is as real as if it happened yesterday. Thank you for letting me share.

Jennifer

Dee74

I'm so sorry Jen. I'm glad you stayed sober tho

D

Verte

yinzer

Maybe you should see a counselor to help you work through it? I'm glad you're not getting drunk and sick tonight.

Notimetoloose

I am so sorry Countrygirl, that is an awful story.
I have lost loved ones as well, the pain can be crippling.
My healing only gets done when I am sober.
I wish I knew why that is so because all the nights that I wasted trying to drown the pain away only to make it worse.
Somehow sobriety helps me reconcile things that I have no control over.

Take care

countrygirl2014

I think just telling you all about it did wonders. I don't know, is it normal to get a little sad on the anniversary of a major tragedy in my life still, 16 years later? I don't know anyone close to me who has gone through something like this

Jennifer

FeelingGreat

I don't think the pain ever goes away, but it lives in the background. Anniversaries will revive it. So glad you didn't drink though.

I have a stubborn streak, and whatever trauma I have had in the past, I say it won't ruin my life. It has shaped me, and made me stronger but I have a lot of living to do.

strategery

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your fiance 16 years ago. I think there are some wounds which time has a difficult time healing. However, you're honoring his memory by not getting drunk.

Lenina

Jennifer, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad this is a sober anniversary for you. Do you do anything special as a memorial? For many years I spent the anniversary of my late husbands death alone. I lit candles, looked at our wedding album and just stayed quiet.

It's been well over 20 twenty years now but I still set aside some time for his memory. If I have the money I make a donation to charity.

Honey, if you haven't had some bereavement counseling, I highly recommend it. Grieving is hard work and we all do it in our own way and time.

Love from Lenina

MythOfSisyphus

I'm sorry for your loss, Jennifer. I do think it's normal to feel sad on anniversaries of things like this. My dad died three years ago and his birthday would have been a couple days ago. I'll still catch myself thinking I should call him or send him a text about something, forgetting that he's gone.

It's great that you'll be sober this time. That's the best way to honor him, by living your life well. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to throw away the rest of your life on his account.

Thepatman

The pain of loss can actually makes us stronger and wiser.

People that we love that pass away leave us a gift, and that gift is to live life to the fullest without taking things for granted.

I am sure he looks after you and is proud that you are fighting for your sobriety. That is your gift to him, and to yourself.

SoberLife90

So sorry.

Mentium

My daughter was in a car driven by someone who had been drinking almost 8 years ago now. He crashed the car, was killed himself and one of the other passengers. My daughter, just 16 at the time broke an arm, several ribs and had concussion. She was in hospital for almost three months. Despite being a heavy drinker myself I have never, ever driven after drinking as I know the pain that such things as this can cause.

Thinking of you.

FreeOwl

wow.... that is awful....

My heart grew heavy reading that.... what sorrow and loss you must carry, even today.

And what a great way to honor him; sobriety.

May you find peace with this terrible wound.

countrygirl2014

Good morning everyone. Thank you so much for responding. The thought hit me like a ton of bricks last night while getting ready for bed

Jennifer

Della1968

I am very sorry for your loss and very proud you stayed sober.

countrygirl2014

Oops...I wasn't done typing. But I was thinking last night, he wants me sober. It just popped in my head. And to read your responses saying that's the best way to honor him, I am taking as a sign from him today. I am sober. Last night was not nearly as bad as all the previous years. And I can feel him smiling. Thank you for your support.

Jennifer

sugarbear1

many times our drinking was to reduce or forget about our feelings and this certainly would be something I'd want to kind of forget.....now you are feeling those feelings you pushed deeper inside of you.

I have experienced the loss of my significant other, too.

Process your feelings, get some help if you need to and celebrate his life as he'd want you to do. Sobriety is an awesome way to do this.

Love and Hugs to you