The jargon of relapse
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
I haven't had the chance to read through everyone's posts so I apologize if I'm repeating someone, but the best advice anyone has ever given me on SR is that relapse is not part of recovery, it's part of the addiction.
So I agree to some extent that by saying its a relapse, you're enabling yourself by telling yourself it's inevitable, part of the process of getting sober, etc. But, if you accept that relapsing isn't part of recovery and getting sober and that it is your AV justifying your drinking, the word relapse will just be another thing (like drinking) that you don't do anymore. That was the hardest part for me to accept.
I hope you are doing well Calicofish.
So I agree to some extent that by saying its a relapse, you're enabling yourself by telling yourself it's inevitable, part of the process of getting sober, etc. But, if you accept that relapsing isn't part of recovery and getting sober and that it is your AV justifying your drinking, the word relapse will just be another thing (like drinking) that you don't do anymore. That was the hardest part for me to accept.
I hope you are doing well Calicofish.
So pretty much people should stop making excuses and try a bit harder stop telling yourself it's ok to drink again / drink a few cos it's part of the process, it's not! Like people said before.
It's damn hard work getting and staying sober! If you're not up to it /ready for it, like my dad thad picked up smokes again after having mouth cancer, then don't bother!
You can only succeed if you're willing to really give it your all.
It's damn hard work getting and staying sober! If you're not up to it /ready for it, like my dad thad picked up smokes again after having mouth cancer, then don't bother!
You can only succeed if you're willing to really give it your all.
I think words are important (but then, I'm a writer and a reader). It might be arguing semantics, but we talk about our conniving, manipulative AV "whispering words in our ear," trying to seduce us into drinking, so we do acknowledge that our perceptions and intentions can be changed with just words or thoughts of words...
I've written here before about the acceptance implied by the word "slip." To me, the word slip makes drinking a soft little accident, no big deal, just a cute little stumble as you cross the room. I use the word relapse, but as someone noted, the implication there is that we are all patients, and that - again - it is sort of out of our control, as a disease that resurfaces...
I recognize that it is a harsher word, but for me, drinking really is a failure! It is a failure to honor my commitment to my intentions. It is a failure to do the work that is part of my recovery. It is a giving in, a reach toward comfort, the choice of the easy. Just like choosing not to go to work and pulling the covers up, even though it might mean you get fired.
In some ways, that makes it sound like I am hard on myself, unforgiving. But, in truth, I am protecting myself. I am taking care of myself and my body and my health - physical, emotional, and spiritual. Just like if I broke a marriage vow with infidelity, I would consider myself a failure in that commitment, I have made a vow to myself to be sober, and if I break it, I have gone back on my word.
If I don't hold the hard line, I will drink. My AV is insidious, and quite able with words. I have to protect my sobriety like I would protect a baby, as we fled a fire storm through a jungle filled with hungry animals. I have to be ferocious in my protection of my sobriety.
I have "relapsed" multiple times; my whole adult life I have swung through the pendulum of being sober and drinking. In truth though, each time I have consciously made a decision to no longer live a sober lifestyle. Because it is difficult. And lonely, sometimes. And as soon as I am not living a sober lifestyle, I'm living a drinking lifestyle, and it isn't a momentary "slip" - it is a complete abandonment of my choice not to drink...
I've written here before about the acceptance implied by the word "slip." To me, the word slip makes drinking a soft little accident, no big deal, just a cute little stumble as you cross the room. I use the word relapse, but as someone noted, the implication there is that we are all patients, and that - again - it is sort of out of our control, as a disease that resurfaces...
I recognize that it is a harsher word, but for me, drinking really is a failure! It is a failure to honor my commitment to my intentions. It is a failure to do the work that is part of my recovery. It is a giving in, a reach toward comfort, the choice of the easy. Just like choosing not to go to work and pulling the covers up, even though it might mean you get fired.
In some ways, that makes it sound like I am hard on myself, unforgiving. But, in truth, I am protecting myself. I am taking care of myself and my body and my health - physical, emotional, and spiritual. Just like if I broke a marriage vow with infidelity, I would consider myself a failure in that commitment, I have made a vow to myself to be sober, and if I break it, I have gone back on my word.
If I don't hold the hard line, I will drink. My AV is insidious, and quite able with words. I have to protect my sobriety like I would protect a baby, as we fled a fire storm through a jungle filled with hungry animals. I have to be ferocious in my protection of my sobriety.
I have "relapsed" multiple times; my whole adult life I have swung through the pendulum of being sober and drinking. In truth though, each time I have consciously made a decision to no longer live a sober lifestyle. Because it is difficult. And lonely, sometimes. And as soon as I am not living a sober lifestyle, I'm living a drinking lifestyle, and it isn't a momentary "slip" - it is a complete abandonment of my choice not to drink...
Scott: yup and yup to your last two posts!
relapse is doing what you committed no to (insert substance, behavior here).
one thing that has made me furious about the conversation (im speaking of convo. at large, in the recovery community) is the way it gets twisted. a proper warning that one use may lead to more has been high-jacked by some as an excuse for benders. i realize this type of thing can happen, but it is not a definite result.
if this ever happens to me, i will attempt to do damage control ASAP. like with EVERY sip!
also, i will activate my support network immediately. i have made this a promise.-just like the original one.
relapse is doing what you committed no to (insert substance, behavior here).
one thing that has made me furious about the conversation (im speaking of convo. at large, in the recovery community) is the way it gets twisted. a proper warning that one use may lead to more has been high-jacked by some as an excuse for benders. i realize this type of thing can happen, but it is not a definite result.
if this ever happens to me, i will attempt to do damage control ASAP. like with EVERY sip!
also, i will activate my support network immediately. i have made this a promise.-just like the original one.
How else are we supposed to use words if we don't assign meanings/definitions to them?
Here on SR, there are a few evergreen topics that arise somewhat regularly:
- Is it OK to drink NA beer in recovery?
- Is Antabuse a good idea?
- Is this PAWS and how long does it last?
As a poster noted here, the ol' "recovery programs say relapse is a normal part ... " comes up, too. I've come to think that's urban legend. Perhaps something that got misconstrued somewhere along the line and repeated enough until it became canon.
I really have never seen comments from any recovery veteran here on SR, or anything in recovery literature, saying anything that would support the notion that relapse is part of recovery.
Words matter greatly, but not as much as the context in which they're delivered. From time to time, I've seen people write something along the lines of "yeah, I slipped and had a few drinks but ..." or "yeah, I fell off the wagon but it was (sporting event, some celebration or another but" and it's hard not to wonder whether the seriousness of drinking while trying to achieve sobriety is being minimized.
My own definition?
"A conscious, self-destructive decision on my part, leading to that first drink and jeopardizing my health and well-being from that point on."
- Is it OK to drink NA beer in recovery?
- Is Antabuse a good idea?
- Is this PAWS and how long does it last?
As a poster noted here, the ol' "recovery programs say relapse is a normal part ... " comes up, too. I've come to think that's urban legend. Perhaps something that got misconstrued somewhere along the line and repeated enough until it became canon.
I really have never seen comments from any recovery veteran here on SR, or anything in recovery literature, saying anything that would support the notion that relapse is part of recovery.
Words matter greatly, but not as much as the context in which they're delivered. From time to time, I've seen people write something along the lines of "yeah, I slipped and had a few drinks but ..." or "yeah, I fell off the wagon but it was (sporting event, some celebration or another but" and it's hard not to wonder whether the seriousness of drinking while trying to achieve sobriety is being minimized.
My own definition?
"A conscious, self-destructive decision on my part, leading to that first drink and jeopardizing my health and well-being from that point on."
I think words are important (but then, I'm a writer and a reader). It might be arguing semantics, but we talk about our conniving, manipulative AV "whispering words in our ear," trying to seduce us into drinking, so we do acknowledge that our perceptions and intentions can be changed with just words or thoughts of words...
I've written here before about the acceptance implied by the word "slip." To me, the word slip makes drinking a soft little accident, no big deal, just a cute little stumble as you cross the room. I use the word relapse, but as someone noted, the implication there is that we are all patients, and that - again - it is sort of out of our control, as a disease that resurfaces...
I recognize that it is a harsher word, but for me, drinking really is a failure! It is a failure to honor my commitment to my intentions. It is a failure to do the work that is part of my recovery. It is a giving in, a reach toward comfort, the choice of the easy. Just like choosing not to go to work and pulling the covers up, even though it might mean you get fired.
In some ways, that makes it sound like I am hard on myself, unforgiving. But, in truth, I am protecting myself. I am taking care of myself and my body and my health - physical, emotional, and spiritual. Just like if I broke a marriage vow with infidelity, I would consider myself a failure in that commitment, I have made a vow to myself to be sober, and if I break it, I have gone back on my word.
If I don't hold the hard line, I will drink. My AV is insidious, and quite able with words. I have to protect my sobriety like I would protect a baby, as we fled a fire storm through a jungle filled with hungry animals. I have to be ferocious in my protection of my sobriety.
I have "relapsed" multiple times; my whole adult life I have swung through the pendulum of being sober and drinking. In truth though, each time I have consciously made a decision to no longer live a sober lifestyle. Because it is difficult. And lonely, sometimes. And as soon as I am not living a sober lifestyle, I'm living a drinking lifestyle, and it isn't a momentary "slip" - it is a complete abandonment of my choice not to drink...
I've written here before about the acceptance implied by the word "slip." To me, the word slip makes drinking a soft little accident, no big deal, just a cute little stumble as you cross the room. I use the word relapse, but as someone noted, the implication there is that we are all patients, and that - again - it is sort of out of our control, as a disease that resurfaces...
I recognize that it is a harsher word, but for me, drinking really is a failure! It is a failure to honor my commitment to my intentions. It is a failure to do the work that is part of my recovery. It is a giving in, a reach toward comfort, the choice of the easy. Just like choosing not to go to work and pulling the covers up, even though it might mean you get fired.
In some ways, that makes it sound like I am hard on myself, unforgiving. But, in truth, I am protecting myself. I am taking care of myself and my body and my health - physical, emotional, and spiritual. Just like if I broke a marriage vow with infidelity, I would consider myself a failure in that commitment, I have made a vow to myself to be sober, and if I break it, I have gone back on my word.
If I don't hold the hard line, I will drink. My AV is insidious, and quite able with words. I have to protect my sobriety like I would protect a baby, as we fled a fire storm through a jungle filled with hungry animals. I have to be ferocious in my protection of my sobriety.
I have "relapsed" multiple times; my whole adult life I have swung through the pendulum of being sober and drinking. In truth though, each time I have consciously made a decision to no longer live a sober lifestyle. Because it is difficult. And lonely, sometimes. And as soon as I am not living a sober lifestyle, I'm living a drinking lifestyle, and it isn't a momentary "slip" - it is a complete abandonment of my choice not to drink...
You've gotto be hard on yourself being a softy won't get you there. Like a marriage vow, through good times and through bad! A good marriage takes a lot of hard work, so does this!
Stop making excuses to drink! If you're not ready to quit then stop it all together.
I love it what was said before, I've got to protect my sobriety as i would protect my baby.
Why get hung up on language? It doesn't matter what you call it. If you haven't been drinking for a few days and start drinking again then that's a problem. And this is so whether it's a "relapse" or some other term. Let's just say that a person in that situation has begun to drink again and try to do something about that. What to do? Get help. From a doctor, from a group like AA, from a counselor, from another recovering alcoholic who has stayed sober.
W.
W.
W.
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