Lexapro - where have you been all my life ?
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Lexapro - where have you been all my life ?
A teensy, bitty short week ago, I was so all consumingly depressed, I wontonly stared at every rafter like a potential "exit point". Granted, I have damn good reason as my mother is terminally ill and my days are spent in ways I don't care to extrapolate on right now.
Because, today, I am, dare I say.....happy ?
I would never allow myself to be diagnosed clinically depressed. I was willing to wear the "Hi, I'm Anxious" badge because frankly, there was no way of hiding that elephant in the room. But depression ? I honestly believed I could positively motivate myself out of that malady.
And I promise you, I gave it 110 (thousand) percent. Extreme clean eating, no caffeine, yoga, meditation, prayer, excercise, flower essences, on and on and on. And they helped. To an extent. Yes, the kept me from jumping.
But it kept getting more and more dark in the space between my ears.
I had to finally admit, there was no way of thinking my way out of this one.
In a moment of absolute soulless despair and darkness, I weakly grabbed for the script my doctor had prescribed 7 months ago. I literally had no choice. If this didn't work, I would have myself commited. I simply was too afraid I wouldn't ever get out.
Or worse, I'd hurt myself trying.
It has only been a week, and I'm gobsmacked at how different I feel. I still can laugh, cry, get angry, but something has shifted for the first time in I don't know how long.
My head just feels, not quite so sick anymore.
I'm 80 something days sober. And I'm not sure if it was PAWS, severe depression, the result of more trauma, or what, but I was bad. BAD. SUPER BAD.
Now, I feel like I can handle life. Even on her oftentimes, rather crappy terms.
Theres something to be said about better living through pharmaceuticals.
Grateful.
Because, today, I am, dare I say.....happy ?
I would never allow myself to be diagnosed clinically depressed. I was willing to wear the "Hi, I'm Anxious" badge because frankly, there was no way of hiding that elephant in the room. But depression ? I honestly believed I could positively motivate myself out of that malady.
And I promise you, I gave it 110 (thousand) percent. Extreme clean eating, no caffeine, yoga, meditation, prayer, excercise, flower essences, on and on and on. And they helped. To an extent. Yes, the kept me from jumping.
But it kept getting more and more dark in the space between my ears.
I had to finally admit, there was no way of thinking my way out of this one.
In a moment of absolute soulless despair and darkness, I weakly grabbed for the script my doctor had prescribed 7 months ago. I literally had no choice. If this didn't work, I would have myself commited. I simply was too afraid I wouldn't ever get out.
Or worse, I'd hurt myself trying.
It has only been a week, and I'm gobsmacked at how different I feel. I still can laugh, cry, get angry, but something has shifted for the first time in I don't know how long.
My head just feels, not quite so sick anymore.
I'm 80 something days sober. And I'm not sure if it was PAWS, severe depression, the result of more trauma, or what, but I was bad. BAD. SUPER BAD.
Now, I feel like I can handle life. Even on her oftentimes, rather crappy terms.
Theres something to be said about better living through pharmaceuticals.
Grateful.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
That was no moment of weakness, AO. Making that leap to follow your Dr's suggestion took courage and strength. Welcome back to the land of the living. And congratulations on your 80 something days of sobriety. Since you are sober, there is an opportunity for your AD meds to work now. Onward!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I'm really glad you posted this AO, because there's a stigma out there about anti-depressants that is keeping many stoics from finding relief from their depression.
Blown away at how quickly and effectively it's worked for you.
Blown away at how quickly and effectively it's worked for you.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Great news.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain.
Not something that exercise or floral smells or yoga will fix.
The meds address the deficiency.
No different to anti biotic assisting the body to fight infection.
Nothing at all to be ashamed of..... But god knows how many of us are.
Congratulations AO
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain.
Not something that exercise or floral smells or yoga will fix.
The meds address the deficiency.
No different to anti biotic assisting the body to fight infection.
Nothing at all to be ashamed of..... But god knows how many of us are.
Congratulations AO
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat 
I'm really glad you posted this AO, because there's a stigma out there about anti-depressants that is keeping many stoics from finding relief from their depression.
Blown away at how quickly and effectively it's worked for you.
Blown away at how quickly and effectively it's worked for you.
Pain is a profound motivator.
I am actually looking forward to the rest of my life now, rather than grinding my teeth just to get by.
There's hope on the horizon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
AO, I'm so glad you are in a better place. That's really good news. The clouds are clearing and the sun is peeking through.
It's great that you took that step and that you shared your experience. I went through a period where I felt like I was walking around in a smoke filled bubble that ended when I started taking anti depressants.
It's great that you took that step and that you shared your experience. I went through a period where I felt like I was walking around in a smoke filled bubble that ended when I started taking anti depressants.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
