| Lost2bfound | 03-18-2015 07:15 AM |
3days down....life to go
For the past two years I had convinced myself, this is it. I'm just going to be on pain killers for the long haul. I felt life and daily tasks were impossible to complete unless I had that high, that stimulating rush that made everything so exciting and there wasn't a care in the world. I felt like superwoman. That now I could do everything and be everything my husband and my daughter needed me to be. Then suddenly I was getting to the point where there just was not enough I could of ford to buy to get me high any longer. I had been wanting to tell my husband but he told me after my last relapse that he would leave me and take my daughter with him if I didn't stay clean. Those are powerful words. Should have kept me sober. But it didn't. I thought that if I could hide it from everyone then there would b no consequences. Come to find out a year later he actually knew the whole time. He said he was waiting to see if I would stop on my own. But I didn't. One day he called me into our room with a pill bottle in his hand and confronted me. At that point I was actually relieved in a way. No more lies, no more hiding, stop the guilt, the big hue weight I carry on my shoulders daily, no more. I broke down and confessed everything. I was glad it happened that way. I honestly don't know when I would have had the strength to tell him. Surprisingly he was very supportive. Since my doctor had me on a tapering down off the medication. Now, I'm 3 days clean. I feel like im learning life all over again. My biggest complaint is having no energy. But, that is not an option for me. I have my baby girl to take care of. So everyday I push myself to do what I gotta do. It's a daily fight within my own body and mind. I guess I just keep pushing and hoping I will find the joy and motivation to live my life sober. One day at a time is my new motto. Lots of positive self talk. | 