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Old 03-17-2015, 06:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Bruises


...in 4 separate places, self-inflicted, from stumbling over kids toys in the dark.
Yeah for all my super happy/determined posts, turns out I didn't get past the magical 14 days without dipping a toe in the water to check. What scares me is that I 'only' had 1.5 bottle of 10% wine. And it hit me like a train. I don't fully remember falling over but I've never had bruises like this from drinking?? In my own home, not like it was some wild night out!?? Previously I'd drink around 4-5 large double/triple vodkas and not get that drunk. It's shocked me. Was reading that tolerance/liver enzymes are re-set/lowered after a period of abstinence? I've had no withdrawal/insomnia/cravings to drink again and had a crippling hangover the next day - again, shocked me as I've previously only felt mildly fuzzy headed after the vodka nights. It's like my body is screaming at me that I'm becoming 'allergic' to alcohol! Seems bruises are a new, huge physical sign to add to a shameful list that duhhh, I can't drink. Wow, wierd-shaped blue/purple bruises from a child's plastic seesaw and ride-on turtle. I'm still in shock to be honest. And hiding them from my husband. Jeez.
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm sorry about that incident, Cowgirlie, in my own apartment. I had things like that in the past, too... several times. And the embarrassment being questioned about the bruises by my partner.

So are you planning to stay sober now?
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
What's the world coming to when you can't trust an recovering alcoholic ex degenerate gambler huh ?
 
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I accumulated a lot of drink related injuries they kept getting worse untill i nearly accidentally killed myself

It stops when we stop Cowgirlie
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
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why do you think you couldn't get past 14 days cowgirlie?

D
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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It is incredible how quickly we can turn from sobriety, isnt it? Like the drink is just there, waiting for us to let down our guard, lurking in the Shadows. An excellent, though painful, lesson, Cowgirlie. Hang with us.
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I hope you can stop drinking for good this time.
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
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why do you think you couldn't get past 14 days cowgirlie?

D
It's like I feel 14 days is proof enough that I don't have a problem! Like the sentence/punishment has been served! And beyond that is unchartered territory which makes me uneasy?? I don't know why specifically 2 weeks; it sounds so silly written down, now you ask.

I just feel so freaked out that I was more out of control by drinking much less; I mean it kinda makes sense but has just shocked me. Actual bruises??? Ughh. I now have some pretty real, dramatic and ugly reminders to look at each day... just worried that they will fade right around the 2 week mark again.

I hear that in early recovery many people manage longer periods of abstainance after each 'fall.' Is it also common to struggle to get past a particular stage?
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Even though I haven't had a drink in almost 15 months, within the past 24 months I would discover bruises on my shins and places that I don't remember getting - all at home.

I will say that sobriety is not a dress rehearsal. And it's not a movie where they can do scenes over. Sure, some people struggle and stumble a few times. But using that as a potential reason to do so can be dangerous. Many who stumble never make it back.
It's not worth the risk to shrug it off as an expected event.
Try to make this time the last time. There are no guarantees that you will do better next time.

You can do this girlie.
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
What's the world coming to when you can't trust an recovering alcoholic ex degenerate gambler huh ?
 
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Cowgirlie without trying to scare you but it will get worse if you continue to drink

Here for you bud
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Old 03-17-2015, 08:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Maybe stop making 14 days the magical number. Make it "today I am sober. Just for today." And repeat that every morning when you get up. When you go to bed, say a thank you that you are sober today.

I never fell during wild nights out but I sure fell a lot at home in the end. Down the stairs, over chairs and tables. Banged my head a few times on cabinets I forgot to close. Lots of ugly bruises. I'm lucky I didn't break anything or need stitches. They couldn't stitch the finger tip I sliced into, mincing while intoxicated. And it was only getting worse. You can do this if you truly want to. Hang in there.
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Old 03-17-2015, 09:03 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I used to get stuck on 3 days. For me that was the amount of time for me to sober up feel good and start thinking I'd overeacted and I didn't have a problem.

Gradually 3 days wasn;t enough for me to feel good and I started to accept I did have a problem.

You need to do that too I think Cowgirlie?

Like others have said, it only gets worse, not better...

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Old 03-17-2015, 09:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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While, I know what your dealing with, the worst thing that ever happened to me was waking up outside my apartment door with a huge gash on my face... The worst part is like all my neighbors say me and called EMS, I can't even look at them in the eyes im so ashamed. But yeah, that was the worst, but I've done other things not as bad, I surprised I haven't really really hurt myself. This is my 1st real attempt (with support/ meetings etc) and my first full day.
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Old 03-17-2015, 10:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Cowgirlie! So sorry to read that you are struggling.

There was a period of time that I was a slave to 14 days of abstinence from alcohol juxtaposed with what I considered to be earned alcohol ingestion for another couple of weeks. Repeat. Reeeeepeat. Until...there was just a long year of alcohol abstinence.

Alcohol had an enormous place for me in trying to alleviate a lot of of the discomfort I felt during this time of life with who I am naturally and comfortably as an individual versus how I needed to be while wearing the other various hats in my personal life. But me under the influence of alcohol is not me at all so it just really messed everything up and stalled genuine personal growth for a really long time.

Have you considered talking with a therapist or counselor at all?

Keep at it Cowgirlie. We are all here for support. Glad you are here.

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Old 03-18-2015, 03:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Take a peek at various posts on the topic of "kindling"....it will be pretty eye-opening I believe.
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Old 03-18-2015, 03:59 AM   #15 (permalink)
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It's like I feel 14 days is proof enough that I don't have a problem! Like the sentence/punishment has been served!
yeah.... I played that game for years....

and suffered.

also; 1.5 bottles of wine is actually a fairly large quantity of alcohol. Roughly 7.5 'standard' drinks. Finished by oneself, that's a binge-drinking episode for sure.

I hope you can find what works for you to finally let go and accept sobriety.

It's so much better.

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Old 03-18-2015, 06:14 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Thank you for taking the time to respond; I really appreciate the replies.
Gonna keep my head down, keep reading and keep pushing on.
Thanks again.
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Old 03-18-2015, 06:56 AM   #17 (permalink)
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you can do this cowgirlie, stay on top of it
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Old 03-18-2015, 07:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
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I feel your struggle. I hit a certain wall with things like this, too. At least you are here and posting and thinking about it. Usually, once I hit a roadblock and take that drink, I avoid here, avoid the books I have and the thoughts I've had about quitting and just tell myself I overreacted. And the same thing happens where my tolerance has gotten much lower than it was a few years ago. That is a good thing, because it shows that I've made at least SOME progress that I can't drink like a total fish any more. Problem is, I still DO drink like I have the tolerance I used to and end up getting tanked every time I drink. That's made practically every time I've drank in recent months a terrible experience in the end, with blackouts and bruises becoming almost requisite with each experience. It has only gotten worse, so I'm trying.

Two weeks seems like an understandable time period to struggle to get past. It is just long enough to feel that you are past it. Since I am a weekend drinker, I can certainly abstain that first weekend. I'll make plans to clean and exercise and hang with family. But then by the next weekend I'm tired from working and trying to be productive, so my thoughts are less focused on my sobriety. I don't know just yet what I'm going to do differently this time, except to post often, read my books and keep myself busy. Exercise often helps me when I feel overwhelmed, but getting the motivation can be tough when I'm feeling down.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on. Been having a rough time of it myself obviously. I think it is great that you are here and posting and reflecting on what you can do to get past this hump. The bruises WILL fade, so what are you going to do to remember them when they are gone?
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Old 03-18-2015, 07:28 AM   #19 (permalink)
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You can get past this hump, Cowgirlie. You have to make the decision to quit for you, and commit to riding out the tough times where you feel like you can have just one drink. You can't ever let your guard down.

I had plenty of day 1's. Each day 1 got tougher and tougher. This is a progressive disease and the longer we let it win, the worse we get on a daily basis.

Don't do what I did and many others here did... wait decades before finally realizing it's TIME to quit for good. So much of life is thrown away when you know you have a problem but don't act on fixing it.

Sobriety has been one of the best decisions i've made in my life. So worth the efforts put in!

You can do this, we are here to help.
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Old 03-18-2015, 08:27 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Cowgirlie ~

I always appreciate your Posts, and hope to provide a lil perspective here...

Alcohol can act as a Blood Thinner. So, 'simple' Bruises and Injuries ramp up in severity. See the Link below.

The Denver Newspaper did a Sunday Profile some years back on Crime Scene Clean-up Specialists. A growing Business, apparently. One graphic example was how this Gent had to charge much more for Gunshot-based Suicides involving Alcohol. Thinned-out Blood caused a dispensed 'Spray' that made his Job much more painstaking.

As I say about myself: 'Why do something Half-Azzed when you can do it Full-Azzed'? Besides the usual 'Headers' - falls where I busted myself up quite comprehensively - I didn't mess around when I took my worst Fall in an RV.

We rented a small RV and cruised up the California Coast. At this gorgeous, secluded Campground tucked back up a Canyon, we set up. I got my usual excessive Buzz On. I slept up over the Driver's area. While crawling down the 'Ship's Ladder' for a midnight Whiz, I slipped. I caught my Calf on this wicked sharp edge of Masonite at the top of the Dinette Booth. Ripped open a Leg Artery. As I was stumbling around in the dark, my bare feet were sticking to the Linoleum. I flicked on a small Light to see that I was stuck in a pool of Blood about the diameter of a Family-size Pizza. Tough to stop the flow of thinned-out Blood. I'm guessing I lost ~20% of my Blood. Any sort of Medical Care was quite some distance away, and in a small Town/Village. No Cellphone Service. My Wife could not easily have driven the RV even if she could have gotten it packed up in darkness.

Got some wet Rags, and cleaned up this lil Horror Movie mess I'd made while the Wife + our Pooch slept in the main rear Bed. This near-miss was but a Data Point for this Addict, but not yet my final Wake-Up Call.

A former Work Pal sobered up for 2 years. He broke Sobriety, and downed 750 ml of Gin one night when he was mentally re-visiting his Father's Death; one he never processed emotionally. My Pal died.

According to the National Institute of Health [NIH] Guidelines, 750 ml of Wine - the usual Bottle - contains 5 - 5 Ounce Servings. Downing 4 such Servings in ~2 hours constitutes 'Binge' Drinking. By definition, 'Binge' is occasional. Read below how this consumption level still thins Blood.

I hope you find yourself ready.

Alcohol Can Act As A 'Blood Thinner'

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