Mango

I am here simply to vent which I find most effective when typing. Usually this would come in the form of a letter to my boyfriend full of relationship blabber. Unfortunately, letters have been few and far between since he broke the news that he has being doing cocaine and thinks he has a problem, all the while I thought he was cheating on those late nights out.

Since this occurred about a month ago, our potential for a happy future has become a distant memory. The love of my life has taken from me financially so bad, I can't imagine how I will make it and he lied to me again and again to the point where I have so little left and so much responsiblity, I can hardly breathe.

I love him as he loves me, with all parts of our heart and soul. Addiction is something I never understood, though I am closest to living it as I ever will come. My love has not withered though my faith and trust is obsolete.

A professional, family oriented and caring man with a wonderful outgoing attitude and the purest of souls attracted me this man about one and a half years ago. He is a father and friend like no other you could fatham, at the same time, a curse that could send a saint to hell. Just like me....I love him for it.

Last night, after receiving a near suicidal text message, I finally received the call at 3:30am directing me toward where I found my beloved under the Granville Street Bridge covered in dirt and looking into space as if he was not even aware of his existence. It is ironic that at this moment, I was thankful - thankful for his life, thankful for his safety and thankful that this would finally convince him he needed help and that he had to admit he is "powerless".

Regardless of opinions, regardless of fear, I love this man from depths no one will ever understand.

I am trying my best to be strong, and even though I know our "relationship" is over because of the pain we have suffered and the trust that has been taken, I love him so much he will remain my best friend and I try to continue and support him.

If you have suggestions on what I can do for me and for him, please suggest. I know he needs to do this on his own, but I refuse to turn my back - I will just stop "pushing".
Thanks.....

Mango

Anna

Hi Mango,

I'm sorry for your situation with your boyfriend and it's great that you are supporting him.

You may like to check out the NarAnon forum on this board which is for families and friends and you'll find many people there in situations similar to yours. The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself.

Hang around and get to know us.

Love, Anna

Chy

Hi Mango and welcome!
Your right he has to do this for himself. Many stay with their A's and find a balance in life. Your decision is your's to make, and I know it was a difficult one, it's hard to move on when you love some one so much. As Anna said, you can find support in Nar-Anon. Please visit our Nar-Anon forum.*hugs*

Gabe

Hey Mango,
It's very hard to watch someone you love self-destruct.
Please come join us on the Family and Friends board and the Naranon board.
There are a lot of people there who understand what you're going through.
Hugs,
Gabe

splendra

((((((Mango))))

Vent away often we find the answers we are looking for in our own post.