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Old 03-17-2015, 11:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Train wreck


I'm new to this site and don't even know if this is the right place to be. I am married (23 years) to an alcoholic. He has been hospitalized three times for pancreatitis and related alcohol-caused problems. I realize there is nothing I can do, but I am in a constant state of waiting for the "train to wreck" again.

He had been sober for many months, but recently began drinking heavily. At my request, he went to an outpatient treatment place yesterday. When he came home he only told me that he "liked the place". Says today he is going to a group meeting to "see what they can do for me".

THankfully, he is not a mean drunk, just very withdrawn and quiet. I don't know what to do or say. My stomach is in knots and I feel so helpless.
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Old 03-17-2015, 12:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to the Forum, you'll loads of support here on SR!!
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Old 03-17-2015, 12:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
Behold the power of NO
 
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Welcome to SR 1datatime. It seems like your husband is willing. The best thing you can do is be hands off and let him find his ground. Hopefully sobriety will click.
Do you have any support for yourself? Are you attending Al Anon?
It can be very lonely living with an active alcoholic and the ongoing anxiety can also be unbearable. Even though your husband is not mean, I d bet that you are worried to death about his health. Also, a pattern among family and friends is that we make the alcoholic the center of our world and forget to take care of our own emotional (and sometimes physical) needs.
It's like life revolve around their addiction and the ongoing or upcoming crisis brought by it.
We have a section for friends and family members on SR and you will find a lot of support there. You will also of course get support in newcomers from alcoholics in recovery and people like me who are in recovery for both alcoholism and codependency.
Here is the link to the F&F forum. I look forward to seeing you there

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Ps: you will hear some horror stories there, try to identify with the feelings (anxiety, resentments, hope) and not compare. The same way that some alcoholics have "high" bottoms while others end up in the gutter, not all F&F go through the same harsh stuff but the root of the problem and some of the emotions are similar.
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Old 03-17-2015, 12:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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welcome to the forum,
Unfortunately hoping for what "they can do for me" is not going to help a lot. The most 'they' can do for anyone is to teach them about what is going on and give them suggestions on how to overcome it.

It is up to the individual to "do something about it."
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Old 03-17-2015, 12:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome, and you will find support for yourself here.
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Old 03-17-2015, 12:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. Do check out that link to the friends and family forum
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Old 03-17-2015, 12:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Old 03-17-2015, 03:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Oh I am so happy that people read and responded to me! Thank you so much...I don't feel so alone now.
I am looking into al anon but can't seem to make heads or tails of the meeting schedule I've found on line. It seems to be in code lol. I'm going to call tomorrow and see what's what.

THank God I'm going on a trip to see our newly married daughter this Friday. It will be a much needed break from this insanity.
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Old 03-17-2015, 03:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Awesome, I m glad you are getting a break and going to visit your daughter. Good that you are doing something for yourself.
Al Anon meeting schedules can be hard to decipher. Calling sounds like a good idea and feel free to shoot me a pm if you have questions.

You are not alone anymore
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Old 03-17-2015, 03:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Old 03-17-2015, 03:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
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welcome.
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Old 03-17-2015, 04:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm looking around this site and there is SO much to read. But that's a GOOD thing!
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Old 03-17-2015, 04:02 PM   #13 (permalink)
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And I'm not allowed to PM until I have more posts. Poo.
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Old 03-17-2015, 04:06 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Well, I'll log off and try again tomorrow. My husband will be home soon (I think) from his outpatient group meeting. That he DROVE to intoxicated. Soooo....will look in on this page in the morning. Blessings to all.
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