Going home tonight - how do I handle it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
Going home tonight - how do I handle it?
My wife just texted and said there would be no kids at the house tonight so she's fine with me coming home. We will be sleeping in separate rooms. I plan on going to a meeting, hitting the gym, then going home.
I still sense a lot of anger from her, which is understandable. I'm not quite sure how to approach the evening other than to keep to myself. I have a ton of shame and guilt, but I don't know how helpful engaging her will be at this point. I almost feel like discussions of what happened and our future should take place under a counselor/moderator.
My wife also has a rocky relationship with alcohol. It has played a big part in 90% of our arguments. Right now, I'm just trying to worry about not drinking but I want to proceed with caution when it comes to trying to fix the relationship. I don't want to drink and I don't want to argue. Should I just watch TV, keep quiet and go to bed? I don't know what I should do if she wants to engage.
Thoughts? Thank you in advance.
I still sense a lot of anger from her, which is understandable. I'm not quite sure how to approach the evening other than to keep to myself. I have a ton of shame and guilt, but I don't know how helpful engaging her will be at this point. I almost feel like discussions of what happened and our future should take place under a counselor/moderator.
My wife also has a rocky relationship with alcohol. It has played a big part in 90% of our arguments. Right now, I'm just trying to worry about not drinking but I want to proceed with caution when it comes to trying to fix the relationship. I don't want to drink and I don't want to argue. Should I just watch TV, keep quiet and go to bed? I don't know what I should do if she wants to engage.
Thoughts? Thank you in advance.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
Maybe it's not the time yet to go home, if you haven't had the discussions you need to have with a counselor. It would be sad for everyone if this huge upheaval ended with a return to business as usual. This is meant to be a turning point. You need to demonstrate your commitment to change. How do you envision it?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Remember that just because the offer has been made, it does not mean you have to accept it. If protecting your sobriety is your priority right now, then it might be best to avoid "fraught" situations that may threaten it for the time being?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
My suggestion: be quiet, dignified, and respectful. Maybe if it feels right, ask her if she has anything she would like to discuss, then do your best to listen and not justify yourself. Apologize for the things you did wrong. Just let her get things off her chest. Build a bit of trust back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
I think the night will go fine as long as I come home a little later and pretty much keep to myself. I have a lunch meeting tomorrow and I need to do some laundry, so I really need to go home anyway. If for some reason things are uncomfortable, I do have a place to go.
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