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When spouse just does not get it.

Old 03-16-2015, 09:24 PM
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When spouse just does not get it.

He is really getting to me.
I just found out he has been talking to others about my drinking behind my back. He won't even talk to me about it! I've tried to get him to talk about it before and he just says sorry and changes the subject! Really hurt after seeing these messages!!
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Old 03-17-2015, 04:39 AM
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I am sorry Alynn.
Was he talking about how you used to drink or the fact that you're not drinking?
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Old 03-17-2015, 05:12 AM
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Let it whoosh over your head. Be well and prove yourself. It doesn't have to define you xx
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Old 03-17-2015, 05:18 AM
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My hubby will not talk to me about my drinking either. It is like pulling teeth! What was he saying? I agree with KateL... Try to let it roll off your shoulder. You can't control what he thinks or shares but you can control what you do and show with your actions. It took a year and my hubby is starting to believe the changes I have made.

Don't let this discourage you! Your AV will try to use it against you.
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Old 03-17-2015, 04:18 PM
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I'm sorry Aynn - I know that must be painful.

Maybe he's finding it painful to raise the subject with you too, I don't know but taking to others would upset me too.

Maybe something exactly like what you've said here 'I know you've been talking to others about it, I'm hurt that you won't discuss it with me' is a good opener?

I hope you can both get to a point where some discussion is flowing.

D
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Old 03-17-2015, 04:48 PM
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Not sure which others these are but if those are folks in Al Anon or folks who also have an alcoholic spouse it is actually good for him.
Alcoholism is a family matter, it affects our loved ones too >just check out the F&F forum to get an idea of how much of an impact it has<
I am also a F&F member and I have loved and lived with an active alcoholic. It was hell.
The best thing you can do right now is keep up with you recovery and stay sober. The rest will ultimately fall into place one way or another.
Keep up with the good work Alynn. When he is ready to open up to you, he will.
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Old 03-17-2015, 04:51 PM
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Also maybe once you have 6 plus months under your belt, you two might consider couple therapy???
Right now it is still too raw and new and priority is on you not picking up but down the line, it probably could help a lot.
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Old 03-17-2015, 05:57 PM
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I think you should have a heart 2 heart and set some boundries possibly ?
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