immri

Yesterday I drank after 58 days sober
I'm so mad at myself, oh man.
I didn't get drunk, but I did drink a full (but small-6std drink) bottle of kahlua
Which was certainly not ever even 'my drink'!

I drank it in the morning/lunchtime so by the evening I was sober, then I called my sponsor and went to an AA meeting. I'm so grateful something stopped me getting more alcohol, I know id be in a very different place right now if I did that.

I thought about lying about it and letting myself just call it a 'slip' no one needs to know about, but truth is I know that's only hurting myself and those drinks took me right back into the most self destructive mindset which truly scares me and is not where I want to be. so there's no point lying when I want and need support.

It's 9am here on my day off, so I have time to get to another meeting and make some plans and I think I'm going to tell more people I'm not drinking too today. Being around alcohol or having it my house is just too much for me right now, and I don't want to pretend it's all fine and I'm stronger than that anymore. It's too hard, so I need to make some changes.

Back to day one. Can't believe it.

JimdiGriz

Thankyiu for being so honest.. It sets a good precedent for you and me..

Alynn

It's a sneaky thing. Sorry, but so glad you came back!

Thepatman

You slammed the emergency break quickly, be proud of that!

Soberween

When I first got sober, I had several relapses around the 60 day mark. I finally put the correlation together and stepped up my sober plan during that time frame and it worked. Mainly I let my husband know I needed extra support as I was struggling at 60 days. I'm going on four years sober now. At least you came right back to SR and didn't turn it into a bender. Good job!

Dee74

what led up to it immri?

D

Soberwolf

Hi Immri reaching out is vital in early sobriety just saying i feel like drinking to another alcoholic seriously helps

think about improving your sober plan at this time and write down how you feel over the next week or so look at your feelings

keep writing in sobriety every day every other and watch it improve

you can do this

Gilmer

I'm glad you're back on track, Immri. Good job letting reason prevail!

Anna

Immri, good for you for coming back and posting. I'm really curious as to what brought you to the point of drinking after a year sober? This could be a learning experience for you.

immri

Thanks all. I think a few things led up to it. I had been flat out at work for nearly two weeks and hadn't gone to hardly any meetings in that time, not spoken to my sponsor. I wasn't really eating just drinking coffee and was definitely run down. I basically stopped making my recovery and health a priority. Then when I just went through a painful breakup on the weekend, I was very overwhelmed and felt I couldn't deal with my feelings/reality. There was alcohol in the house so I almost did it without thinking after feeling anxious that morning.

I have the day off today so I'm spending the whole day working on a plan and trying to get my environment in order
Thanks for the support guys!!

strategery

I'm sorry to hear you relapsed immri, but am glad that you were honest and you're back here.
It is good that you're making those changes that work for you versus pretending it's all fine.

Buggirl

Glad you are ok, you can do this !

Marcher13

Immri I am sorry to hear this but you have recognised the reasons. I found that in early sobriety I had to make my recovery #1 priority -- good food, plenty of sleep and outdoor exercise. You can rebuild this, you have a solid foundation of 70 days.

FreeOwl

good job owning up to it.

58 days is a good run and gives you a glimpse at what it can be when you choose to live sober.....

but only a glimpse.

Get back on it and double up on your ACTIVE sobriety efforts....


It is so worth it.

KateL

Don't beat yourself up. You are sober now and hopefully learned from it xxx

immri

Thanks everyone. I spent yesterday sorting some things out, so I have feel a bit stronger.

- I cleaned my house (there were empty bottles still around from two months ago when I quit then, so gross) and got rid of two full bottles that weren't really mine but we're tormenting me a bit.

- New rule in my house - no alcohol at all. Surprisingly that was fine

- Also used an app to put daily habits on my phone, things like take my meds, eat breakfast, do some physical activity, shower (!), things I should do everyday but tend to forget when I'm not really running well

- Committed to minimum of 4 meetings a week

- Changed my sobriety date saved in my phone but also told everyone who supports me in this (you guys, sponsor, the family I have left, 2 close friends) also I have this big wall calendar that you can see the full year at a glance, I often use it to see what's coming up so I put a huge mark around my new sobriety date, and will keep checking the days off. I think it'll be encouraging to see progress.

- I also put a work opportunity on hold, as I know I'm trying to take on too much and that's a big cause of my stress

- made a budget, and planned some saving goals and treats so that I feel in control but also hopefully won't want to waste it on booze

- made another appointment with my doctor to discus my depression and anxiety, my symptoms have changed now I'm sober

- told more friends I'm not drinking


Today I have work but it'll be quiet there today, I'm going to work on a plan of action for next time I want to drink. It's like I lose my focus and rational thought in those moments, I need more than just willpower

Thanks for listening!!

Soberwolf

Exellent Immri congrats

KeepTruckin

I really appreciate the fact that you posted about this. I've been on here before (under different names) and let shame and embarrassment stop me from returning for far too long. Good luck getting back together and I will try to remember your example if/when I do something I'd rather not admit to doing.

immri

I've done the same too, under the same name but that behaviour, yep. And i definitely considered just lying about it or maybe taking a break from here and AA because i was so ashamed. I've realised how much more destructive that sort of behaviour is though
The support I have found after being honest and reaching out has been wonderful, but it also makes me accountable and in the end I actually feel better about myself and progress (or lack thereof) than the times I hid my mistakes out of fear.
Id definitely recommend honesty, I've found no one here will judge if I give them the chance to know the truth. Goodluck to you too!

PurpleKnight

Go at things again!! You can do this!