Recovering Single Father
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm also a recovering single father.... the court process for a year and a half during divorce and custody proceedings was awful.
And living with a contentious ex and repeated visits to court has remained a constant source of stress and anxiety.
Grateful I have 50% custody... but boy, oh boy.... can these things be a struggle.
I wish you strength and peace of mind.
And living with a contentious ex and repeated visits to court has remained a constant source of stress and anxiety.
Grateful I have 50% custody... but boy, oh boy.... can these things be a struggle.
I wish you strength and peace of mind.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Thanks for sharing FreeOwl. Yeah man it's a tough gig. Personally I have been a single father since day one, from age 22. I had 50% custody for the first 3 years, I had never even held a baby before. I gave up everything for that.
I was really devoted, apart from the nappies and baby bottles then dinners I would read about a babies development, bought all the best of learning & musical toys, bought a big aquarium for his senses, lava lamps, baby einstein DVD's and all this.
I would play music DVD's for him on the surround sound in the mornings (https://youtu.be/RVMb3Ew2Ny8 etc) we would be out in the buggy every day, down at the playground, had him in the swimming pool from 6 months on, over to the play centre etc.
We were out kicking ball around the estate every day from when he could walk. Everyone used to remark what an awesome dad I was in those days, and to be fair to myself that was true. Him and his mum would call over to my place every other day also for an hour or two.
Then when he was about 3 she/her parents bought an apartment in another town, off they went and that was the end of that basically! Just me and a house full of toys then. I was pretty wounded by that as you can imagine. Me and his mother have been at odds from then on...
I was really devoted, apart from the nappies and baby bottles then dinners I would read about a babies development, bought all the best of learning & musical toys, bought a big aquarium for his senses, lava lamps, baby einstein DVD's and all this.
I would play music DVD's for him on the surround sound in the mornings (https://youtu.be/RVMb3Ew2Ny8 etc) we would be out in the buggy every day, down at the playground, had him in the swimming pool from 6 months on, over to the play centre etc.
We were out kicking ball around the estate every day from when he could walk. Everyone used to remark what an awesome dad I was in those days, and to be fair to myself that was true. Him and his mum would call over to my place every other day also for an hour or two.
Then when he was about 3 she/her parents bought an apartment in another town, off they went and that was the end of that basically! Just me and a house full of toys then. I was pretty wounded by that as you can imagine. Me and his mother have been at odds from then on...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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^ Hey I realize what I describe there sounds pretty good! And it was, because I really put the effort into all that.
I'm quite surprised now that I have been able to relive those moments by associating and dissociating with them as they were by themselves.
This has been a worthwhile exercise for me. Of course, it was the other 50% of the time (which eventually became 100%) where the problem was brewing.
I had a depression diagnosis and was beginning to drink alone on those nights. Man, I was sad. Me and my keyboard LOL, many a tear was shed over that I can say.
I'm quite surprised now that I have been able to relive those moments by associating and dissociating with them as they were by themselves.
This has been a worthwhile exercise for me. Of course, it was the other 50% of the time (which eventually became 100%) where the problem was brewing.
I had a depression diagnosis and was beginning to drink alone on those nights. Man, I was sad. Me and my keyboard LOL, many a tear was shed over that I can say.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
One last thing about post #26, and I do realize I'm probably talking to myself here. About idealogical roles, because it's a good question. The situation I described then was born out of necessity, certainly I didn't plan it. Was I a stay at home dad? Hmmm, kinda.
When the kid was born she was living at her mothers and I was sharing. Her mother was on a mad one drinking a litre of vodka every day and having people over, her partner had just committed suicide so that was her way of coping I guess. I had lived there for a while too prior.
She felt she couldnt raise the baby there day to day but wanted to keep the address for her maternity benefits or whatever, so for the first few months we were raising the baby in an overcrowded spot, that wasn't working for obvious reasons and I rented a 3bed house across the road.
She went back to work then and I left my job, I was off sick anyway and the situation unfolded as I said above in summary. Ok thanks for letting me ramble on SR! Its cathartic. Time for some music I suppose, no sign of me sleeping anyway I've been awake for 2 days now.
When the kid was born she was living at her mothers and I was sharing. Her mother was on a mad one drinking a litre of vodka every day and having people over, her partner had just committed suicide so that was her way of coping I guess. I had lived there for a while too prior.
She felt she couldnt raise the baby there day to day but wanted to keep the address for her maternity benefits or whatever, so for the first few months we were raising the baby in an overcrowded spot, that wasn't working for obvious reasons and I rented a 3bed house across the road.
She went back to work then and I left my job, I was off sick anyway and the situation unfolded as I said above in summary. Ok thanks for letting me ramble on SR! Its cathartic. Time for some music I suppose, no sign of me sleeping anyway I've been awake for 2 days now.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
I'm start to believe that ccam. I would be distraught if I was drinking right now.
And when my quality of life was 100x better I was a distraught drunk anyway.
At least I can work through some underlying issues now. Cheers though
And when my quality of life was 100x better I was a distraught drunk anyway.
At least I can work through some underlying issues now. Cheers though
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