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went 12 months sober then drunk for the last 3 months

Old 03-20-2015, 09:14 AM
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went 12 months sober then drunk for the last 3 months

I started drinking after a year. I wasn't that content during my year sober because of so much other stress in my life. But now I know drinking just made it way worse.

I don't think I can do AA because I am 100% athiest. What an addictive drug ethanol is. I've smoked, smoked marihuana, done many other substances.

It's a great escape. My cousin just died alone at home from drinking. 50 years old. Heart just stopped. Alone with 3 dogs.

I always thought I could go sober for a long time then drink in moderation after a few years sober. I don't think I'm capable of that.

I hear a lot about mental issues and depression etc. I think we have to be sober for a month and exercise every day before we can post about mental illness.

Using this board as the shrink I cannot afford. I almost cheated on my wife drunk this month. She is the love of my life and I should be the happiest person in the world. I have every thing I ever dreamed of with her. Kids, cuddles, love, happy in bedroom.

It is like I'm trying to sabotage it because I hate myself so much for what I am.

I will wake up when my wife is nursing at 5AM and go have a drink just to start the day off.

I am worried about detox. Has anyone ever done it in steps at home? Anyway. Don't want sympathy. If anything I want to pat the backs of you folks who have had the guts to sober up.

Take care
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Old 03-20-2015, 09:30 AM
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I quit at home. Foolishly. I didn't know better. It wasn't until I came upon SR that I read about how dangerous withdrawals could be. It's suggested that you see your doctor, come clean about your drinking and your desire to quit, and do so under medical supervision.

Can you do that?
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Old 03-20-2015, 09:35 AM
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I am willing to do that. One problem is my wife is an MD and can access all my medical records. I guess I can ask my family doc not to publish my problem electronically. I just cant tell my wife how messed up it all is. I've tried before and she just doesn't get it as a sober non-addictive person.
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Old 03-20-2015, 09:41 AM
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Thanks for the quick response doggoncarl. I quit a few years ago cold turkey and I had a hard time breathing. I woke up unable to breath like severe asthma. This is my 3rd time around. I feel like I'm to old to go cold turkey. Drinking a 40 oz of vodka every 2 days. 20 oz a day.
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Old 03-20-2015, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by soberforbaby View Post
I just cant tell my wife how messed up it all is. I've tried before and she just doesn't get it as a sober non-addictive person.
Drinking 20oz of vodka a day can't be easy to hide, so your wife is probably aware that something is wrong and I suspect that she'd be supportive of your attempts to get sober. She doesn't have to "get it."

You do, though. Halt it now if you can or the facade you have put up will crumble.
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Old 03-20-2015, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by soberforbaby View Post
I am willing to do that. One problem is my wife is an MD and can access all my medical records. I guess I can ask my family doc not to publish my problem electronically. I just cant tell my wife how messed up it all is. I've tried before and she just doesn't get it as a sober non-addictive person.
I can guarantee you that your wife knows. As much as we like to think we are hiding it, there is no possible way you can drink that much and live with someone without them being aware. Most likely she is in denial about it just as much as you have been in denial of your drinking.

I would not have been able to get sober without the support of my wife and 100% honesty with her on my end regarding my problem. She still probably doesn't fully understand it but she understands how important it is to me and supports me. She's also quite happy that i'm not drunk all day long anymore.

I would echo what Carl said - see a doc if you are concerned about serious withdrawals. I too tried it on my own and ended up in the ER - learn from the mistakes of others.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:09 AM
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Welcome. I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time right now. There is a secular recovery forum on this site and links to a lot of useful resources. I am agnostic and definitely turned off from the Higher Power focus in AA, but I still use some of the steps and alot of the coping skills that I picked up there. The best part of AA is fellowship. Detox at home? Can be done, i guess it depends on your physical condition and level of addiction. Best to see your doctor first.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:12 AM
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yeah. my wife must know. She has made a few hints I ignore. Cold/flu season & other BS like that I say. I feel just so pathetic to re-promise all the same crap I promised her 15 months ago. I don't know why she wants to be with me. I will see my doctor and fess up. I guess I'll just tell my wife I messed up.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:18 AM
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Don't worry about what your wife is or is not thinking about right now. Getting sober is the primary issue.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:18 AM
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Give AA a try! It is a higher power of your own conception. I am not religious and plenty of other AA people aren't either. If you truly have had enough and want to get sober you will try AA.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:33 AM
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Thanks everyone. I'm not set up to receive emails when someone replies so I apologize in advance. Anyone know how I change that in my profile?
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:44 AM
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Always best to detox with a Dr's help or at ER bud
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by soberforbaby View Post
yeah. my wife must know. She has made a few hints I ignore. Cold/flu season & other BS like that I say. I feel just so pathetic to re-promise all the same crap I promised her 15 months ago. I don't know why she wants to be with me. I will see my doctor and fess up. I guess I'll just tell my wife I messed up.
To me, Honesty is the absolute cornerstone of sobriety. Especially honesty with ourselves. Your wife may not believe you or trust you initially, that's very common as we have all lied about our drinking. But action will help you regain your trust. Seeking medical advise and/or counseling ( and following through on the recommendations ) shows others that you are serious. Not drinking in itself shows a committment. Make being sober your #1 priority and you'll be amazed at how far you can go, regardless of what has happened in the past.
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Old 03-20-2015, 11:04 AM
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I hope your doctor can help you get thru w/d safely. After you've detoxed, I hope you will find the support you need to stay sober. It takes some effort but it's worth it.

As to getting email notifications when there is a reply, I'm not sure where exactly it is, but look on "user CP" at the upper left corner and click on it to reveal the menu. I think it's on there somewhere.
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Old 03-20-2015, 12:05 PM
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Hi Soberforbaby. You have the same recent history as myself it seems. I was sober 11 months last year, drank for about four and have been sober again for six days now. My poison was wine however and perhaps not quite at the volume you have been consuming - which is nothing for me to be proud of, of course. I'm also an atheist and find AA (which I attended for several months) increasingly hard to take for many reasons, which I won't go into given the many AA members who come here.

On this occasion I have taken a different approach. I have a plan, I keep a journal (I won't go into details about those things), but crucially I have started counselling with an addiction specialist with the aim of exploring what underpins my addiction. I am finding this really helpful after only two sessions.

Is such a resource available in your part of the world - or something similar? There are also an increasing number of secular based group session available in the USA (sadly not here in the UK), SMART being one of them.

All the very best to you - good luck!
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Old 03-20-2015, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by soberforbaby View Post
Thanks everyone. I'm not set up to receive emails when someone replies so I apologize in advance. Anyone know how I change that in my profile?
User CP>edit options>default thread subscription mode

it's around the middle of the page

D
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