Let my guard down :-(
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Let my guard down :-(
Kicking myself but not too much.
A friend popped round last night with a bottle of wine. We were so engrossed in the conversation I had the bottle opened, a glass poured each and drunk before the penny dropped.
The reason I'm not kicking myself too much is because it wasn't premeditated and was just thoughtlessness. I didn't enjoy the taste like I have before and it hasn't awoken any desire to have more. If anything it has made me realise I don't particularly like it and didn't get any sort of buzz.
I'm not happy with myself for returning back to day 1 but hold my hands up as guilty.
A friend popped round last night with a bottle of wine. We were so engrossed in the conversation I had the bottle opened, a glass poured each and drunk before the penny dropped.
The reason I'm not kicking myself too much is because it wasn't premeditated and was just thoughtlessness. I didn't enjoy the taste like I have before and it hasn't awoken any desire to have more. If anything it has made me realise I don't particularly like it and didn't get any sort of buzz.
I'm not happy with myself for returning back to day 1 but hold my hands up as guilty.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
The good thing about letting your guard down is the next time it happens you should have this memory to stop you in your tracks - and put on a nice pot of tea for yourself, or something....
Maybe it's worth broaching the subject of you not drinking to your friend too? Especially if you don;t think you could sit there and watch someone else drink. I doubt I could have in the early days
This thing is insidious - you really need to be vigilant for a while and be open to the idea of lifestyle changes......but it's worth it
Maybe it's worth broaching the subject of you not drinking to your friend too? Especially if you don;t think you could sit there and watch someone else drink. I doubt I could have in the early days
This thing is insidious - you really need to be vigilant for a while and be open to the idea of lifestyle changes......but it's worth it
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey Esspee,
Situations like that were helped greatly by letting others know I wasn't drinking.
I used to be terrified of telling others because that meant that I couldn't casually go back to drinking with them. Last June something in me told me this was for real so I told them but I haven't gone back.
Situations like that were helped greatly by letting others know I wasn't drinking.
I used to be terrified of telling others because that meant that I couldn't casually go back to drinking with them. Last June something in me told me this was for real so I told them but I haven't gone back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Esspee- 
Have you thought about what you're going to do differently next time so this doesn't happen again? I am glad you're not beating yourself up and that you're back.
I am just concerned for you since it didn't even register with you when it was happening.
Have you thought about what you're going to do differently next time so this doesn't happen again? I am glad you're not beating yourself up and that you're back.
I am just concerned for you since it didn't even register with you when it was happening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
no use beating yourself up to be sure...
but planned or not, you drank when you'd rather be sober.
or.... are you not really to the "rather be sober" place just yet?
Bottom line is this; if we wish to embrace sobriety and live a full and joyous life unencumbered by the downward progression of addiction - we need to support our decision throughout our lives and in all the ways necessary so that when a friend pops round, or a celebration breaks out, or we're invited to do shots with a stranger unexpectedly or WHATEVER happens - we can readily say "No thanks, I don't drink" with a smile.
but planned or not, you drank when you'd rather be sober.
or.... are you not really to the "rather be sober" place just yet?
Bottom line is this; if we wish to embrace sobriety and live a full and joyous life unencumbered by the downward progression of addiction - we need to support our decision throughout our lives and in all the ways necessary so that when a friend pops round, or a celebration breaks out, or we're invited to do shots with a stranger unexpectedly or WHATEVER happens - we can readily say "No thanks, I don't drink" with a smile.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
I'm definitely in for sobriety.
I accept the point that it's worrying I didn't 'notice'. I guess the reason is alcohol (either drinking or struggling to abstain) is not at the forefront of my mind. I'm not missing drinking, I hardly ever have cravings and if I have they've been easily trampled down, in fact it has no control over me.
I genuinely feel my actions last night were no different to those of a 'normal' person. It doesn't mean I'm going back to drinking - didn't enjoy the test, why waste the money .
Having said that, I am taking on board all that's been said.
I accept the point that it's worrying I didn't 'notice'. I guess the reason is alcohol (either drinking or struggling to abstain) is not at the forefront of my mind. I'm not missing drinking, I hardly ever have cravings and if I have they've been easily trampled down, in fact it has no control over me.
I genuinely feel my actions last night were no different to those of a 'normal' person. It doesn't mean I'm going back to drinking - didn't enjoy the test, why waste the money .
Having said that, I am taking on board all that's been said.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
I genuinely feel my actions last night were no different to those of a 'normal' person.
I'd keep the memory in my head of 'the night I drank like a normal person', cos thats really, deep down what I wanted to be....and it would poke its head out sometime later, usually when I was in a drink or not situation....'my friend needs comfort...it's not about me'...
'it would be too much trouble to explain and turn down that glass of red the neighbour/workmate is offering'....
'it's been a bad week...just one or two can't hurt....after all I did last time...'
Noone's trying to beat you up, and I definitely don't harp or nag you...but I think you'd be best to give this whole evening a little more thought?
D
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Sorry to disappoint I haven't become some shaking wreck full of guilt and fighting cravings. I didn't enjoy my one glass, have been to the supermarket since with no cravings, desires etc.
I genuinely thought this was a supportive place where people could come and talk things out, didn't realise we were expected to be angst ridden. That it is seen as a 'crime' to be coping just fine.
Good luck everyone but I suppose I had better look somewhere else!!
I genuinely thought this was a supportive place where people could come and talk things out, didn't realise we were expected to be angst ridden. That it is seen as a 'crime' to be coping just fine.
Good luck everyone but I suppose I had better look somewhere else!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The nights when nothing bad happened were actually the worst for me esspee.
I'd keep the memory in my head of 'the night I drank like a normal person', cos thats really, deep down what I wanted to be....and it would poke its head out sometime later, usually when I was in a drink or not situation....'my friend needs comfort...it's not about me'...
'it would be too much trouble to explain and turn down that glass of red the neighbour/workmate is offering'....
'it's been a bad week...just one or two can't hurt....after all I did last time...'
Noone's trying to beat you up, and I definitely don't harp or nag you...but I think you'd be best to give this whole evening a little more thought?
D
I'd keep the memory in my head of 'the night I drank like a normal person', cos thats really, deep down what I wanted to be....and it would poke its head out sometime later, usually when I was in a drink or not situation....'my friend needs comfort...it's not about me'...
'it would be too much trouble to explain and turn down that glass of red the neighbour/workmate is offering'....
'it's been a bad week...just one or two can't hurt....after all I did last time...'
Noone's trying to beat you up, and I definitely don't harp or nag you...but I think you'd be best to give this whole evening a little more thought?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by Alynn
Sorry Esspee.. I've been there. The first slip wasn't awful but it got pretty bad after that. 
Dust off and re committ. Keep your gaurd up against AV. You can do it
Dust off and re committ. Keep your gaurd up against AV. You can do it Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,011
Hey Esspee
I do agree that it was a slip and that you should let it go though with a lesson to be vigilant against going into autopilot. That happened to me a lot when I was struggling to gain sobriety. It is so easy to not think and just go through the motions. In my early months, I had to put abstinence front and centre, be very vigilant and acutely aware of any potential slip. It involves a lot of forward planning, practicing mindfulness and was quite mind consuming ! However, as the months passed, it does get easier. Hopefully it is becoming second nature for me to simply ignore alcohol. So, Esspee, I would remember the slip for what it is and nothing more. Learn from it and move on !
I do agree that it was a slip and that you should let it go though with a lesson to be vigilant against going into autopilot. That happened to me a lot when I was struggling to gain sobriety. It is so easy to not think and just go through the motions. In my early months, I had to put abstinence front and centre, be very vigilant and acutely aware of any potential slip. It involves a lot of forward planning, practicing mindfulness and was quite mind consuming ! However, as the months passed, it does get easier. Hopefully it is becoming second nature for me to simply ignore alcohol. So, Esspee, I would remember the slip for what it is and nothing more. Learn from it and move on !
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Esspee
Sorry to disappoint I haven't become some shaking wreck full of guilt and fighting cravings. I didn't enjoy my one glass, have been to the supermarket since with no cravings, desires etc.
I genuinely thought this was a supportive place where people could come and talk things out, didn't realise we were expected to be angst ridden. That it is seen as a 'crime' to be coping just fine.
Good luck everyone but I suppose I had better look somewhere else!!
I genuinely thought this was a supportive place where people could come and talk things out, didn't realise we were expected to be angst ridden. That it is seen as a 'crime' to be coping just fine.
Good luck everyone but I suppose I had better look somewhere else!!
You're disappointed. Why wouldn't you be?
I just finished reading your thread, and all I've seen is people supporting you, telling you about their own experiences, and attempting to help you move forward. It would be a shame to walk away from that.
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