KateL

We are the same age so don't write yourself off just yet. 50 + is the new 40+ xxxxx

KateL

Go for it. It's very cathartic xx

jerri11

I really struggle with forming connections with other people, even here on SR. I work from home, and if it wasn't for my family, I could easily go for days without seeing another human being. I've tried a few things over the past few months to become more engaged with the outside world, with mixed results. The one thing that has "stuck" is a weekly Yoga class. You mentioned meditation... is there a group class or something like yoga nearby that you could try? Just a thought.

I'm also starting to explore some of my old hobbies that fell by the wayside when the drinking took over. Writing and photography in particular. With photography, I always enjoyed taking candid photos of other people. So, I'm thinking that might be a way I can re-engage with the world. We'll see how that works out. But the thing is that I'm going to keep trying different things I until I find what works.

We're never too old to try new things.

secretary

I was also going to suggest AA. Sounds like a great place to meet new friends.

Littlebear

Boy am I feeling real lucky to have come here for help. I'm moved by all of your attention to my posts today....

AA for me is a tricky subject...Not at all because I don't believe in it...I am a great supporter of it as a successful route for many. Where I live, and for a great distance outwith my area, unfortunately, i'd be likely to meet people I know in the rooms...a long story why. I know there will be lots of differing views out there that this shouldn't matter to me if i am in difficulty, but it does. it's a compromise I'm unlikely to make. It's a shame. But it's how it is. I hope enough of you understand. So...I need to find other ways to gain support. This here today has convinced me to keep coming back to both ask for help...and in time offer something back myself. Again...thank you x

secretary

I get it Littlebear. I have not gone to AA yet either. But I do like it here at SR! Welcome!

Mentium

I am not in a position to offer too much advice as I am newly sober, but I just wanted to say, as others have, that one has a group of ready made friends at AA. I had trouble with the programme as it stands, but the support from other members is truly exceptional. I don't know if you are still in Glasgow but it is hugely active there. There are loads of meetings every day. It is tough to make that first entry into a meeting, but everyone there has had the same experience. As a loner myself, I found it real support.

saoutchik

Hi Littlebear,

Your definitely not the only one in your situation. I'm 54 and divorced, living alone in London which can be a mighty lonely place sometimes.

Like LoveSunRises I have adult kids (2 girls) but they have their own lives now.

I'm only 70 something days sober myself so I don't have any experience of long term sobriety but I hope that eventually, without the constant need to drink ( which only brings oblivion, not peace of mind) I can make some friends.

I havn't trusted myself to volunteer or commit myself to somehing but I will do once I feel more confident

What KatieL said is spot on too "50 is the new 40".
56 is too early to be giving up on youself

After surviving the things that you have (which I am certain I couldn't have done) I think you can acheive anything

Littlebear

Bless you saoutchik....

MrQuit

Well done for hanging in there LB! Our sobriety dates are similar so I can't offer any advice, but I will say that I think loneliness is as frightening as alcoholism itself.

I was lonely when I first moved here. I still am sometimes. Nothing feels worse. Especially when sober. It's as if the world is on fast forward, miles away from me, while I'm stuck in slow motion and feeling too out of sync to reach out.

This makes me drink. If I were you I would do everything humanely possible to minimise loneliness. I travel a two hour round journey to a 1 hour AA meeting. It sounds nuts, it is nuts (just less nuts than solo drinking) but during those 2 hours I feel like I'm achieving something.

EndGameNYC

Hi Littlebear.

We're more often than not called upon to do things we'd rather not do in order to achieve meaningful changes in our lives. You only need to open the door a little bit.

Volunteer work was a great way for me to use my human skills and to identify purpose in my life. You're also likely to meet other caring and sensitive people, and people who are in the process of rebuilding their lives, or who have been through the process, by doing this kind of work. To say nothing of the wonderful personal gifts available in helping people in need and who are usually suffering in some way.

I never had a reason to think about such things, but I recently commented here that the most indispensable aspect for me in achieving sobriety, besides not drinking, was the support I got. Many of us (me included) tend to think that we're burdening other people with our problems (and yes, some people make a habit of doing so), but the reality is that we're denying other people the experience of helping someone else when we turn down their help. Who doesn't feel good after helping someone else?

Your current situation and your feelings around them need not be permanent. It's been my experience that people tend to be more accepting and more forgiving than we imagine, and that they tend to respond well to the honesty of our feelings, our suffering.

Joining SR is a good start. Many people here have expanded their vision and their lives through the constant and caring support available here.

Hevyn

Littlebear, I'm so glad you wanted to talk about those things that are haunting you. I felt much less anxious when I came here and shared. I knew people here understood me like no one else could. We may not be able to see each other, but we are true and empathetic friends who will always be here for you.

Littlebear

To all of you still around...and posting (mrquit, endgame, hevyn and others tonight...) - I am still around, and grateful for your interest and supportive comments. I have had a black day...but kept myself safe indoors...without drink (boy have I wanted to...). But, strangely although I know it's very early days, i feel 'scared' to drink now...it's kind of like not drinking has let me see a little bit above the parapet and if I drink now I feel i might not get back up there. I didn't know what this clearer, less foggy (but acutely painful) world of mine looked and felt like when i was drinking every day. Not really...not like this...so I feel at least safe from drinking. Anyway, thanks for looking in...x

Dee74

You clearly have a lot of friends right here LB. Things will get better, I promise

D

BlindsidedBetty

In the US, many of the literary magazines advertise "writing workshops" at liberal arts colleges all over, usually hosted by published authors. I would assume these were modeled after the UK and Europe? It might require you to take a week off work to do one and they are not cheap, but maybe one would get your mind organized for coming back home to write, and making some new acquaintances while there. Hope all my suggestions aren't annoying you, just throwing nooodles against wall for you.

sleepie

hi littlebear! I really hope this site helps you with your new sober life and also to not feel so alone. We are here with you! Thank you for sharing your story.

JimdiGriz

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing Little bear.. I think that your sharing also helps other people to feel less lonely as we all have shared experiences.. You might find the pain is cathartic after a while and stirs some change.. Also its ok not to rush to relieve the discomfort and constantly find solutions to hard feelings.you're not alone and in the dark times ( and bright) I always know that I can talk on sr and receive non judgemental caring and sympathetic feedback from so many people who feel exactly like me.

Serenidad

The people in AA are truly the "family" I always wanted but never had. Maybe give it a try? Maybe just for the fellowship?

Hang in there and congrats on 28 days! :-)

FreeOwl

it's not too late.... and it's quite normal to have feelings of despair and loneliness when first we put down the numbing bottle and take a good look around.

In your initial post you highlight many things that are positive. A career, some friends who consider you kind, clearly a good heart.....

These and sobriety are a wonderful place to start.

You have much living ahead of you.... I know it won't feel that way right now, but you really do. And if you should choose to actively honor your choice of sobriety - you will find riches and depth you cannot right now even begin to imagine or fathom.

So, one day at a time... white knuckle if you must, but from your description I really believe that real, in-person, community interaction would benefit you. AA helped me to do that as one channel of connection. Connection with other humans is really powerful, and seems to be something you've highlighted as critically missing.

So, perhaps at least consider AA or some other group setting.

Begin to get out and do something new, something different. Just being around others can help. Join an art class or a singing group or a meditation class or anything that you've at some point in life wanted to try. Go try it.

Bit by bit.... step by step.... breath by breath..... it WILL get better.

FreeOwl

....But there IS an answer.

Every day, almost wherever you go in this world, you can find groups of people just like you - gathered together to help one another manage this.

There IS a way. All you need to do is find the nearest meeting and have the courage to turn up.