cloverleaf

Hello. As I am writing this, I am pretty hungover from last night, which leads me to the following: I am 21 years old, and I think I may have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink every day, but rather between 1 and 4 times a week, though almost without exception, I drink to get wasted. Then, the next morning, I feel like crap and get mad at myself for going too far. Why can't I just stop when I'm a little buzzed and having fun? I used to drink as part of social activities with friends, with the emphasis being hanging out with them. Anymore, I hang out with my friends in order to drink, with the emphasis being on getting drunk. I've been a bad friend to my under 21 buddies, since they can't get into the bars, and my over 21 buddies are dwindling because most of them would rather do something other than watching me get drunk and either driving me home or letting me crash on their sofas. It is a miracle that I have never gotten a DUI, because there are some nights when I get home and don't even remember the route I took. Yes, I realize drunk drivers are the leppers of modern society. In January, I had a priest ask me if I am an alcoholic during confession, because I told him about this. When I replied, "No," he then said, "well if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it just might be a duck." That made me feel like complete crap. He suggested that I seek help, but I of course did not, because I didn't think I had a problem. Anymore, I don't know. I wish I could have just a beer or two while kicking back with friends, but then I think, what's the point of having only one or two when those wouldn't have an affect.

I appologize for the disjointed message. There is probably a lot more to my story, like all the dumb things I have done while drunk, wasted money, and lies (Gee whiz, aren't I a lovely person). It is hard for me to put into words my behavior reguarding alcohol. Some days, I think that I have a problem, but then other days, I will push that thought out of my head and chalk it up to being young, being in college, or whatever. I really don't know what to do (I know that I absolutely do not want to talk to a doctor or counselor type person, because I do not want this on my medical records. Yeah, I've actually spent time thinking about that). Sometimes, I make statements such as " I will never drink again," but I don't really mean it. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life sober, espcially birthdays/weekends/football games/holidays/etc...

Dan

Welcome to SoberRecovery Cloverleaf.
Thanks for sharing how you feel at the moment.
This caught my attention...
That's a tall order friend. Anything beyond today is too much for me to handle, in terms of staying sober.
I hope you stick around and post and read some more.
Glad you're here.

Anna

Hi Clover,

Welcome! Trust me, I think all of us here have done things we've regretted while under the influence. I know I have!

It sounds to me like you know you have a problem, but aren't quite ready to deal with it yet. Talking to your dr would not be a fun thing to do, but it might be a good idea to do that before you try to stop drinking.

I also made the "I'll never drink again" statements and didn't mean it. The thing is to not think long-term - it's just too overwhelming. Take it slow and just get through each day. You'll find that you begin to feel better and like yourself more and you'll want to continue living sober.

Love, Anna

TorontoGuy28

Cloverleaf.

Welcome to the forum man.. I am a 29 year old alcoholic. Your story sounds a lot like mine... I dont' drink everyday, but binged from time to time only to regret everything the next morning.. As far as the things I did when I was wasted, the list is long...

First step is to admit you have a problem... A wise man once told me - "We are as sick, as the secrets we keep".

Seek help, 'cuz alcoholism is a progressive disease.

TG.

Imagine

Welcome Cloverleaf, and please keep coming back. Well I found out the hard way that I was the only one that could admit I had a problem, and after that I was the one that had to be "Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired." As of TODAY, I've not had a drink for 8 1/2 years. Tomorrow is not here yet and I don't make no pomises for what I might and might now do. Everyday I start out asking my Higher Power for his help because both of us knows I'll need it. As for the stuff I've done in the pass, well the only way I've found to handle it, is to ask HP "I know you've forgiving me, please help me to forgive myself." And then as soon as I can I hit a meeting, and have a good long talk with my sponsor. Please know you are not along at all, "Denial has kept me from seeing how powerless I am and how my life is unmanageable".....from the 1st step prayer. Peace.

elvisbabygirl

hey cloverleaf....

your story sounds a bit like mine, but more like my ex. i am only 34 days sober and it is very tough... i never believed in the one day at a time thing, but man let me tell you, i am 5 minutes at a time. you can do this. i am a binge drinker who hides in my room to drink. i never made scenes or drank publicy. so i am afraid of being alone in my apt. so i white knuckle it every day when i get home from work.

i am alone. i go to a.a., and i have asponsor, but i have realize that in the end the only one i have i me.

this board helps a lot.keep posting when you feel like losing it. it helps me....

In memory of miracle

I could identify with that remorse I lived with it everyday of my life for years, and yet I kept drinking to drown it only to wake up to more ,it is a terrible cycle that can be broken . One day at a time one minute at a time if need be . I use AA as my means of recovery today, why not try to stop drinking for 90 days than decide if you are an alcoholic ?Keep posting , prayers are with you .. " you are not alone " Trish

Imagine

Amen miraclen; I could not be where I'm at if I had to do it along. It was hard enough doing it just for me. Good Share,and Thanks.

sherbear5104

Welcome Cloverleaf,

IMy name is Sherry and I'm a recovering alcholic/addict. I can identify with your story, ALOT. I first thought I might have a problem when I was 22. I, like you, chalked it up to being young. I hadn't done the things I heard people talk about at AA, YET. 12 years later, here I am again, this time completely broken. I have learned how to take life one day at a time. Like the others said, thinking about never drinking again, especially in the beginning, can be too much to handle. I haven't found it neccessary to drink today, for today is all I have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not promised. I like what imagine said about forgiveness. We've all done things we are not proud of, at least I have. My HP has forgiven me, therefore who am I to not forgive myself. Keep posting and get to know us. You might also want to check out an AA meeting. You don't have to say anything, you can just listen. Prayers are with you.

degadar

Hi Clover, all these people here for you... good isn't it?

What is certain is that you're always going to be one of us who either drinks too much, or doesn't drink at all. Carry on drinking too much, too often, and it will get worse.

No matter what you decide to do, you do need to start thinking about and learning about alcoholism, what it is, how it affects you, and how it affects others. The more knowledge you have, the more control you will have over it.

Have a read of the stories hereabouts, and chat to a few people here - and keep working on it.

Good luck to you whatever you choose to do.

Deg.

2stop

Welcome to SR Clover! Glad you found us. Lots of support and friendship here. Hope you will take a look around and get to know some of us.

((((((Huge Welcoming Hugs)))))))