Serenidad

Hi all,

I have been going back and forth about whether or not to post this for the past 24 hours and finally decided to because it's been bothering me. I'm early in sobriety so I feel it's better to get it off my chest.

Last night a girl I've know for a while from AA called me drunk and told me she doesn't want to live anymore. She said she wants to just drink herself to death because she just doesn't care anymore. I tried to reason with her but she was drunk. I asked her why she wanted to die and she just started cussing. "F this! F life! F my kids! F my husband!" She was acting crazy but I just listened for a while.

She has been trying to get sober for years and I think she is giving up. Her best friend (and also a friend of mine) "gave up" and died of alcoholism (liver shut down) at a very young age a year ago. I think that was the beginning of the end for her.

I just don't know what to do. Is there anything I SHOULD do? She didn't say she was going to commit suicide. She just said she didn't care anymore and just wants to keep drinking until she dies. She's young! It's so sad.

Right before we hung up last night I told her I cared about her and hope she decides to get sober. I told her people need her and care about her...including me. I fear that may have been the last time I will ever talk to her. I feel so helpless but I can't MAKE her stop drinking, right?

I hate this disease! I'm tired of seeing people die. :-(

ArtFriend

You did all you can and the rest is up to her. Hate the disease. But take care of yourself. Things like this can and will interfere with your own recovery. You can only do and say so much. Hugs

suki44883

Aw, crap! That is just so sad. I'm so sorry she feels that way and sorry that she called you while feeling that way. Truth be told, she doesn't really want to die, she just wants things to get better. Unfortunately, things won't get better as long as she is drinking.

As far as what you can or should do...you cannot make her want to live; you cannot make her want to stop drinking. You can be there as a supportive friend, but other than that, there's not much you can do.

Please don't take this on as a burden to bear. This is not your burden, it is hers. The fact that she reached out could mean that she is ready for a change, but again, that is on her, not you.

(((Hugs)))

ru12

I'm sorry your friend is hurting. I remember feeling similar things before I got sober. Perhaps you can call her tomorrow when she sobers up and offer her your help.

fini

well......if she's suicidal she can be committed because she's a danger to herself, no? for 24 hours or so, an evaluation?
you could have a chat with her husband.
or a doctor or emergency health care person to find out what is possible to do if someone is in danger.

awuh1

You cannot make her stop drinking, but there are times when people are saying these sorts of things that the danger is more immediate. This is when they need protection (from themselves). In that case a 911 call could be the best thing that could happen.

Carlotta

I will put my friend and family hat on for a minute here: you can't fix them. That's the sad truth. There is absolutely nothing we can do to help unless they are willing. Call her tomorrow if you wish and ask her if she wants to hit a meeting with you but if she says no or make excuses you will have to let it go for your own sake.
Chasing after a drunk will accomplish only one think: driving you insane.
My dad died of a heart attack at 40, he was an alcoholic. My XABF committed suicide, he was never able to maintain long term sobriety. I am no contact with one of my oldest friends whom I care deeply about, he choses to destroy himself with alcohol and crack cocaine.
I gave him both the AA Big Book and the RR book (since he said he did not like AA) and the last time I saw they were collecting dust. I had to go no contact for my own sake. I gave him to the loving hand of his HP. Sometimes I dread getting the call then I remember not to project and that I just cannot live in fear over the actions of others that I cannot control.
I am powerless over alcohol. That holds for my own alcoholism and also for my loved ones'.
I did not Cause it
I cannot Control it
I cannot Cure it.

I know it hurts but the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and stay sober so you can extend an helping hand to her when and if she is ever ready to be helped.

((hugs))

EndGameNYC

I did the same thing once with my brother, and the police and EMS were banging at my door within fifteen minutes.

I was held overnight, and the psychiatrist recommended detox before I was discharged. I went straight to the liquor store.

Serenidad

She didn't say she wanted to "commit suicide" she just wants to drink until she dies. I guess that's kind of the same thing though. :-( She's giving up. Also, she left her family and took off to another state. No one even knows where she is. She didn't tell me either. She's a good person. I just hope she finds a reason to sober up before it's too late.

Our friend that died last year of alcoholism was losing chunks of her liver at the end. Apparently the doctor said it was coming out in her urine. Such a torturous want to go.

Serenidad

No one knows where she is. She skipped town. Left her kids and husband. I just wish she would have never called me! I wish I wouldn't have answered the phone. I need to help MYSELF right now. I guess I will just continue to pray for her. :-(

Serenidad

So sad what this disease does to us! How are you doing now EndGame? You hanging in there? I hope so! :-)

Serenidad

Thank you for reminding me that I am powerless Charlotta. :-(

Hawks

All that AA says is "tried to carry this message"

If it falls on deaf ears then at least you tried.

I've had a sponsee bail on me recently.... I felt so helpless and guilty for a while, but ya know...... The 12 steps scare a lot of people off.

It is what it is

Serenidad

I've never really understood why people are so afraid of the 12 steps. I felt so much relief after doing them in the past. I'm just starting them again and am looking forward to it!

Thepatman

Sorry about your friends struggle.

DrunkenDonuts

Hey Serenidad. Glad you listened to your friend.

Drunks lose a lot of their friends and family in a lot of cases, so it made me feel good that you listened to her and told her that you care. Well done.

ImperfectlyMe

I may be more reactive than most to this post and your friend as I wear the scar of suicide all over me. I lost my dad a few months ago this way. Hindsight is a damn thing. Each person close to my father, before he died, held a small piece of the puzzle. He let each of us know only a snip it of the torture he was living. Had we been able to put our pieces together maybe we could have reached him. Call her husband, her parents, close friends. She needs a giant safety net, and everyone on the same page. I never EVER thought he could do it, no one left ever does.

Soberwolf

Sorry about your friend Serenidad