Why Can't I?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
Why Can't I?
I am now 3.5 years sober. Yeah, for me to type that seems insane. That is a few many days put together. The grocery store I go to recently went under a drastic change and renovation. So, every time I go in there I can find the darn thing I am looking for because everything is now in a different spot!! GRRRRR! However, the one isle I always avoid is the wine/beer isle -- because nothing good for me lays down there. However, with this rearrangement I found myself right in the thick of it. Soon there was wine all around me, red wines, white wines, rose wines, dessert wines, dry wines, oak barrel wines, pared wines, ALL kinds of WINE. My mouth started to water... LITERALLY! I put my hand on the bottle of what was my kryptonite a few years ago... a pricy red, that use to slip so easily down my tongue, the tannins in the wine causing that instance wetting in the back of my throat, thinking "I can pair this with a steak, some potatoes..."... a nice glass would loosen you right up. I ran my fingers over the label I had read a thousand times before, my eyes traced each word like the body of a known lover. I remember the smell and promise of opening a brand new bottle and the way it looked as it was poured into the glass. So much hope and promise in the first and second glass. The idea that I COULD, maybe be a controlled drinker this time... that maybe I could have just 2 glasses and walk away from it.
Then my phone rang... my husband was calling to say he loves me and that he is on his way to workout. That was all, he would talk to me later. Hanging up the phone. I put down my old friend, because, those memories I had just been living were true and real memories, but, so was the memories that I couldn't recall. The ones where I broke a pane of glass with my hand, the time I tried to jump out of a moving car, the times I got mean and yelled and belittled the man who loved me and the people who trusted me. I had spent 3.5 years rebuilding a life, showing up, suiting up, putting my myself out and on the line each day. 3.5 years before I had stopped being a whirlwind in my own life, and I started to clean up the mess that I had created.
I put the bottle of wine on the shelf and walked away. Making note of which isle was now the beer and wine isle, I remembered that normal drinkers don't fantasy about wine like it is an old lover, true friend. I remember that wine and all form of liquid spirits had at some point stopped working for me. I remembered that I had a greed to shackle myself and become bond to them, for better or worse almost to the gates of hell. But, that somehow, my relationship with my high power saw me and showed me grace. Showed me the miracle that just for today I didn't have to drink. For me that had been a radical concept only 3.5 years ago. But, today I am amazed... and today I am grateful for it all.
Then my phone rang... my husband was calling to say he loves me and that he is on his way to workout. That was all, he would talk to me later. Hanging up the phone. I put down my old friend, because, those memories I had just been living were true and real memories, but, so was the memories that I couldn't recall. The ones where I broke a pane of glass with my hand, the time I tried to jump out of a moving car, the times I got mean and yelled and belittled the man who loved me and the people who trusted me. I had spent 3.5 years rebuilding a life, showing up, suiting up, putting my myself out and on the line each day. 3.5 years before I had stopped being a whirlwind in my own life, and I started to clean up the mess that I had created.
I put the bottle of wine on the shelf and walked away. Making note of which isle was now the beer and wine isle, I remembered that normal drinkers don't fantasy about wine like it is an old lover, true friend. I remember that wine and all form of liquid spirits had at some point stopped working for me. I remembered that I had a greed to shackle myself and become bond to them, for better or worse almost to the gates of hell. But, that somehow, my relationship with my high power saw me and showed me grace. Showed me the miracle that just for today I didn't have to drink. For me that had been a radical concept only 3.5 years ago. But, today I am amazed... and today I am grateful for it all.
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
Temptation is everywhere, I really hate going to grocery store now. Even though they have a section for booze, its also other places in the store too. Since St Patrick is coming soon it even sicker to see a display in the frozen aisle.
I am glad you didn't waste your money and time to buy a bottle of wine. You would just hate yourself the next day.
Awesome on your 3.5 years of being sober, I have a long ways to get there. I just try to void my temptations and walk away. It isn't good anyways.
I am glad you didn't waste your money and time to buy a bottle of wine. You would just hate yourself the next day.
Awesome on your 3.5 years of being sober, I have a long ways to get there. I just try to void my temptations and walk away. It isn't good anyways.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 49
Wow. Talk about a Siren's Song. The closest I get to fine wine is French kissing my manpanion while he is enjoying it like a normal human: slowly and moderately. I pour his wine. I smell his wine. But I never never never sip his wine. Because it is poison.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 63
I needed this today! Thank you!
I am only on Day 12 but I HEAR YA! I avoid that aisle at all costs, and wine, for all intent and purposes, was a best friend.
It's warming up in Chicago, and with that comes patio drinking memories. Wanting a cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc. But who am I fooling? One, always turns into a bottle. And then some.
So thank you for reminding me why I'm here.
I am only on Day 12 but I HEAR YA! I avoid that aisle at all costs, and wine, for all intent and purposes, was a best friend.
It's warming up in Chicago, and with that comes patio drinking memories. Wanting a cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc. But who am I fooling? One, always turns into a bottle. And then some.
So thank you for reminding me why I'm here.
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