Relationship breakup
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Relationship breakup
Had a really positive day-- 2 meetings, cleaned the house, cooked some yummy healthy food, made some basic day to day life plans, in bed before midnight looking forward to the weekend
And now the guy I've been seeing for nearly 5 years is breaking up with me right now via email of all things and manipulating the situation so that he's the good guy and I'm horrible (which is hurtful but also crazy to me, I know I've done plenty wrong, I have regrets, but I believe he's treated me quite badly and I think most would agree. My family and close friends want nothing to do with him and 2 separate people told me they'd stop speaking to me if I continued things with him-which I did behind their backs-, if that's any indication)
It's been a completely unhealthy relationship with many near-breakups lately and I've spoken about it before, but it's clear we're really over now and I'm so disappointed and hurt that it had to end like that. This was my first 'real' relationship
My sponsors out on a date, and my only sober friends are AA people who I just saw before this happened so don't really want to bug them yet again especially so late at night. I'm also just embarrassed about the entire situation, the relationship itself, the breakup, everything. So I'm here.
I won't drink tonight, it's late now and Its easier to see how much of a mistake it'd be in this moment. I'm a bit worried about this weekend though and the following Monday and Tuesday that I have off work. Yes I feel like drinking, because I'm hurt and that's how I deal, but right now I feel as though I can control that and not give in. I know how quickly things can change though and I'm concerned il let it eat away at me and then impulsively go drink in the next few days
So I'm reaching out here before I get to that state this time, in hopes I can prevent myself from both falling apart and drinking but also from isolating and pretending everything's fine. I'm 55 days sober today and I can see myself making real progress that I'm so proud of, so I'm trying my best to be vigilant about this recovery and I know this is the sort of situation I could easily 'drink on'.
Thanks for listening guys, it's so comforting to know you're there sometimes. I know I can't always trust my thinking and I'm really trying to rely a bit more on the guidance and support of others
And now the guy I've been seeing for nearly 5 years is breaking up with me right now via email of all things and manipulating the situation so that he's the good guy and I'm horrible (which is hurtful but also crazy to me, I know I've done plenty wrong, I have regrets, but I believe he's treated me quite badly and I think most would agree. My family and close friends want nothing to do with him and 2 separate people told me they'd stop speaking to me if I continued things with him-which I did behind their backs-, if that's any indication)
It's been a completely unhealthy relationship with many near-breakups lately and I've spoken about it before, but it's clear we're really over now and I'm so disappointed and hurt that it had to end like that. This was my first 'real' relationship
My sponsors out on a date, and my only sober friends are AA people who I just saw before this happened so don't really want to bug them yet again especially so late at night. I'm also just embarrassed about the entire situation, the relationship itself, the breakup, everything. So I'm here.
I won't drink tonight, it's late now and Its easier to see how much of a mistake it'd be in this moment. I'm a bit worried about this weekend though and the following Monday and Tuesday that I have off work. Yes I feel like drinking, because I'm hurt and that's how I deal, but right now I feel as though I can control that and not give in. I know how quickly things can change though and I'm concerned il let it eat away at me and then impulsively go drink in the next few days
So I'm reaching out here before I get to that state this time, in hopes I can prevent myself from both falling apart and drinking but also from isolating and pretending everything's fine. I'm 55 days sober today and I can see myself making real progress that I'm so proud of, so I'm trying my best to be vigilant about this recovery and I know this is the sort of situation I could easily 'drink on'.
Thanks for listening guys, it's so comforting to know you're there sometimes. I know I can't always trust my thinking and I'm really trying to rely a bit more on the guidance and support of others
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 35
Its your life do what you have to do. I've been a situation exactly like yours. Just the male version. Wouldn't be funny if you were my lover lol. But anyways stay strong and it will work out. You will look back and be happy just take the necessary steps and follow your heart.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
What an exciting opportunity to start fresh and with no baggage. That relationship was damaged from what I hear. One door closes and another one opens. You can't help "how" it went down. It's over so now focus on yourself and great things will come.
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
HI Immri, Welcome to SR!! Awesome on 55 days sober. 
Relationships, and you getting sober can be a hard thing to do... Personally, if I was in a relationship and he broke up with me thru email I would be pretty upset. Just because he couldn't face to face with me. That's just me though!!
If you think its a unhealthy relationship then get out and work on you so you will not relapse cause of all the stress and the situation you are in with him. 5 years is a long time, but if its toxic you don't need it. 55 days is a long ways to be sober it took you a lot of strong motivation and hard work to get where u are at. There is always more fishes out there.
I think you need to take care of yourself first...
Good luck
Relationships, and you getting sober can be a hard thing to do... Personally, if I was in a relationship and he broke up with me thru email I would be pretty upset. Just because he couldn't face to face with me. That's just me though!!
If you think its a unhealthy relationship then get out and work on you so you will not relapse cause of all the stress and the situation you are in with him. 5 years is a long time, but if its toxic you don't need it. 55 days is a long ways to be sober it took you a lot of strong motivation and hard work to get where u are at. There is always more fishes out there.
I think you need to take care of yourself first...
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Thanks all I really really appreciate the support and advice. It's morning here now and he didn't reply to my last email, which I actually don't mind so much but I'm a bit worried he'll reply in the middle of the day when I'm with my family and il struggle to 'keep it together'
And Jen you're so right it's the way it happened more than anything, I find the fact he couldn't do it in person or at very least over the phone SO disrespectful and hurtful, especially as we are 100% garunteed to run into each other at some point (smallish city, work in same field)
Trying to keep positive though, like you all say there's definitely some good to having a fresh start.
And Jen you're so right it's the way it happened more than anything, I find the fact he couldn't do it in person or at very least over the phone SO disrespectful and hurtful, especially as we are 100% garunteed to run into each other at some point (smallish city, work in same field)
Trying to keep positive though, like you all say there's definitely some good to having a fresh start.
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