Soberwolf

What Anna said

2muchpain

That's a sure thing!!!!!!!! John

DuhDave

Thanks guy's for taking the time to reply with your thoughts. All are appreciated.
A lot of good points were made.

Maybe I'am thinking things to death instead of taking that "Leap of faith" and stepping out into action. Seems that I have to analyze everything... everything !!!... inside out instead of JUST DOING IT !

Or...am I putting off the "taking action" part. Of course. Thats exactly what I'am doing.

Why? I dont know.

A fear of Committment ?..due to a fear of Failure ?... if I dont commit... I cant fail...of course I cant move forward either ! I'am STUCK in my destructive habit of still digging.

Over the last 2-3 years, I have tryed to quit so many times I've lost count...and they all ended the same way. Failure.

Guess I'am just "Grasping Straws" looking for a way to make it work...to make my next Day 1 my last Day 1.

Then...do I REALLY want to stop drinking ? Honestly?...no, I dont. I enjoy it. It's about all the pleasure there is in my puny little life at this time. Yes. depression is off the scale. At least I can recognize it.

On the other hand...I know I really need to stop it. Health issues are looming and I'am not getting any younger. I know it will be better to stop it...not only now but going forward as well.

From this point on it will never get better...it alway's gets worse as long as I keep digging.

I want to stop it...and I dont want to stop it. I'am so D@@med confused...or maybe I should say "Baffled". The BB says alcohol is "powerful, cunning and baffling" I certainly dont doubt that at all.

Just desperately seeking something that resonates with me ! That "illusive" AH HA !!! moment. It's gotta be out there somewhere. Guess I'll keep on digg...errrr....looking.

DD

tnman1967

Yes, there's your problem. You don't want to stop. You know that you should and you mention health reasons. Until you want to stop I really don't think you can move forward. I began drinking at age 13, I knew I was an alcoholic by the age of 20. I tried to stop off and on for almost 30 years. Between age 13 and 20 I didn't want to stop so I don't count those years. I never succeeded more than one year in 1996. I really didn't want to stop then either so after a year passed I went back out again. Continued to drink until July 20, 2013. I got problems with my wife and I knew that if I didn't quit for good I wouldn't be married anymore. However, I didn't quit under duress. It took a soul searching and an inventory of my pathetic life up until that point. I had to calculate all the lost money, DUI's, PI's. All the numerous times I made a fool of myself. I finally got tired of seeing my wife's broken spirit and the tears in her eyes when she saw me drunk or when I tried to hide my drinking. I finally got the revelation that I didn't want to live this pathetic drinking life anymore. Everything else fell in place automatically. Was it easy? No. Did it solve all my problems in life? No. But one thing became clear. I enjoy life a whole lot more and I can honestly see my wife in the eyes and I have regained her trust and my own self-respect. Good luck.

Gottalife

A few days abstinence is not the same as stopping drinking. We all could stop for a few days.I did it plenty of times when I was either too sick, locked up, or had no money. Having lost the power of choice it is staying stopped that is the problem. Just don't drink no matter what didn't work for me.

I lacked the necessary power. But there is one who has all power, may you find him now. I.e. Use the temporary spell of abstinence to jump into the steps and find your higher power now. It only takes a few hours at most to get through the first three steps and we begin to feel now power flow in... Third step promises.

I've seen so many fail when they try to get well before doing the steps. For alcoholics of my type, the only way to recover is through the steps.

Nonsensical

If I may, what you actually mean is that you know you should not drink, but you want to drink.

Your rational mind understands the negative consequences of drinking are piling up and that you should stop, but you also have an uncontrollable desire to drink some more.

That is the very essence of addiction.

You can't think away that desire to drink. It comes from a part of the brain that does not respond to reason. It can't be educated, it can't be bargained with, it can't be shamed, or intimidated, or controlled. It must be starved.

If you want to be free from that constant battle in your head between reason and addiction, starve that sumbitch. It really works.

You can do this.

Serenidad

So are you saying an alcoholic should continue to drink until all their problems and triggers are solved or gone and THEN stop drinking? Like go meet a counselor at a bar and drink during therapy? (Just kidding)

Most of my problems stem directly from drinking. The problems that AREN'T causes by drinking can be "set aside" for a while until I have a solid foundation of sobriety and continue to work the 12-steps.

Just trying to better understand the point you are trying to make.

LBrain

I skipped directly to this:
You can't help a blind man to see if you keep him in the dark.

Don't know what it means, but it sounds pretty cool.
If you want to play the chicken and the egg game, fine. But in your idea - I didn't get to the end of the OP - why take the antidote if you are still taking the poison.
Or, you can't learn to walk if you still have a broken leg.
Or something like that...


You can't towel off until you get out of the pool?

Serenidad

Just saw this second post DD. BOY do I RELATE! Hang in there.

Here's an idea: can you commit to 1 AA meeting per day for 90 days? That's 1 hour per day, 7 hours per week. Can you also get a sponsor or temporary sponsor to check in with and use as support? That's what I am doing...

Here's my thought: maybe quitting drinking FOREVER is too scary for you. Why not just commit to 90 days? 3 short months. Go to one meeting per day and after 90 days you don't feel better then you can come up with a new plan.

I have a REALLY strong feeling that you will feel much better after 90 days! I realize there are people on here that get and stay sober without AA but for me...doing it alone doesn't work. And by "alone" I mean without face to face support.

Maybe give it a try. What do you have to lose? Rooting for you!

2muchpain

LMAO!!!! This could be the beginning of a new thread. Getting a little tired of all the AA slogans. John

Ruby2

I over thought everything. It kept me spinning my wheels for years. I drank alcoholically for 20 years. I abused alcohol for ten years before that. I was always looking for a reason. Looking for an excuse. I kept thinking that I'd I figured out why I drank, I could moderate my drinking. I loved to drink. I didn't want to stop even though it quite clearly was killing me.

When I finally said "this is stupid, I can't do it anymore" I started seeing the light, as it were. I stopped pondering the imponderables. I stopped thinking and started doing. Thinking only gets me into bigger trouble.

Who knows why I drank or why I became an alcoholic. It doesn't matter at this point. It just is a fact of my life. So I can do something about it or not. You can get there. Just don't think about it.

Andante

I tried putting recovery before abstinence and it didn’t work for me.

It was only after a considerable period of abstinence (6 months to a year) that my brain recovered enough to be able to see things with any clarity. I thought I was thinking straight, but the longer I stayed abstinent, the crazier my alcoholic thinking was revealed to have been.

I’m not saying that the time I spent working on recovery before I stopped drinking for good was entirely wasted. I was able to uncover individual pieces of the puzzle, but I couldn’t fit any of them together effectively as long as my higher thought processes were being disrupted and warped by the effects of alcohol.

Any meaningful progress had to wait until I had been sober long enough for my brain to straighten out and start working halfway decently again. Only then could the concepts I had learned superficially while still drinking begin to come together on a deeper level.

HeartsAfire

Exactly the same for me.

thomas11

what she said.

LBrain

what he said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!