usedtobepretty

Inspired by a discussion in another thread... seems like this could be a discussion which merits its own thread....

Until about five minutes ago, I didn't realize that abstaining and recovering are two completely different things...

How does one get from the "I need to abstain" mindset to one where we love our self and can get into the "I deserve to recover" mindset...?

Bailey3

Time and self reflection. Direct action to make yourself s better person also.

Anna

I think it's about a fundamental change from the inside out. We all deserve a good life, and that's what we have to work towards. For me, it's about trying to become the person I want to be.

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here, welcome!

Good idea for a thread, you'll get some interesting feedback and a lot of interaction I would think.

For me I had to abstain long enough ( several months) in order to start to see what others meant by recovery.

At nine months I consider to be nearing the end of the beginning in start of my journey - I believe from how my perceptions are now and what I have learned from others that at around a year abstaining starts to meld into recovery.

At least that's my take at this point.........The flower starts to bloom

Abstinence is the tempered foundational underlayment necessary to start the journey of recovery or the inward path of self actualization/self realization for me.........What a ride

Soberwolf

Abstinance is not drinking any alcohol recovery is not drinking alcohol while working on your sobriety

i believe

Jupiters

anna said it best.

ScottFromWI

Great question, and one that is asked fairly often. Similarly you could ask what the difference is between abstinence and sobriety.

How you get there is really the ultimate question, and the answer is truly that it's up to you. There is no magic pill, book or method that will "transform" you from abstinence to recovery - it is a process. And it is a lifelong process without an end...you need to work on it every day.

There are books, methods ( and sometimes even pills prescribed by a doctor ) that can HELP you immensely on that journey. Trying/Utilizing as many as you can and the ones that work for you is a good outlook. SR itself can be part of a recovery plan with daily/monthly threads and the concept of sharing recovery stories, learning from others.

Nonsensical

I suppose I view it the same as the difference between stopping drinking and living a happy sober life.

least

I stopped "abstaining" and started "recovering" when I started to practice gratitude in my daily life. Being grateful for the good things in my life gave me a whole new attitude and peace of mind.

Aellyce

To me, abstinence is an essential part of recovery, but recovery is a process that is much more that can transform someone's life far beyond just staying sober.

Iconoclastic

Abstinence can be recovery leading to sobriety. Sobriety is where one is no longer physiologically and psychologically addicted and they're working on the problems which are the causes and conditions of why they became addicted.

BTW, addiction is the symptom, the causes and conditions are the problem!

Littlebear

Hi usedtobepretty. Thanks for asking this question. I am new to sobriety too and like you have been trying to make sense of the difference between abstain acne and recovery. It's a difference I don't think most of the public ever consider...I suppose because they don't have to...but I am really seeing that it's something we alcoholics (or those dependant on drinking) really need to learn about...and glad I am beginning to get it...

I'm learning that abstinence means stopping drinking - daily, just somehow not picking up that 1st drink. And doing that over and over. Recovery on the other hand i am (sometimes painfully) learning is more about 'the ways in which' I can get through the results of not drinking. The painful feelings, the cravings, the not knowing what to do with yourself times? All this times that drinking alcohol would have just numbed me from seeing or feeling. So for example, last night I didn't drink - I abstained. But it was harder than most nights recently to do that. I felt a bit desperate, lonely and more than anything didn't want to face that. How did I help my recovery through that one night? I cried a lot, read here on the site for company, for understanding, i tried to focus ( and drew up a list of things I might do today). I drove to my local shop and bought a DVD to watch. And...eventually when I was climbing the walls, and really had to get out of the house...even though it was dark by then...had a short stroll round my village lanes. It helped me breathe. All this helped my self 'recover'.

I can see the two - abstinence and recovery are intertwined. What I mean is I am learning that I can't recover from my dependence on alcohol unless I - abstain first and keep doing that. But if I only stop/abstain...it will be so damn hard to keep just white knuckling it (as i did in the first couple of weeks) that I am more likely to return to drinking,..so I have needed to make some plans to help me bear the feelings I can feel so much moree that i am sober, and learn some new ways I can be/change what I do in my life - you know, what others here call - 'working a programme of change' so that I don't have all the same triggers to allow my drinking, There's loads of good examples of what may help on this site.

I am still working through my own trials and some failures about all this...but at least relieved I am really getting the difference and feeling the difference when I manage the recovery/planning part...I hope something in this helps you too? X

Littlebear

- just re-read my post and saw I've introduced maybe a new concept in astinance...abstain acne? Tee hee...xx

ReadyAtLast

Once I stopped drinking I started to recover

LBrain

Flynbuy pretty much covered it for me.

MIRecovery

When I saw people that had what I wanted I started to recover. When I started working the steps of AA. I was in recovery.

Gottalife

Abstaining alone was almost an act of controlling drinking, tense white knuckle stuff with no real point to it other than not drinking. I could never sustain it for long.

Recovery on the other hand has been about a complete change of personality sufficient to make drinking redundant. Replacing the old life with something much better where drinking has no place and is no threat.

Nowsthetime

Abstaining is turmoil.

Recovering is inner peace.

Abstaining is "I can't".

Recovery is "I don't want to, AV wants to".

Abstaining is quiting and not knowing...

Recovery is quitting and working on yourself.

I really like this thread. Love reading people's responses.

Thanks!!!

jaynie04

Before I got sober alcohol took up a lot of room in my head and in my life. Removing alcohol left a lot of space. I didn't do anything drastic other than staying sober at first. I slowly started to address areas of my life that my drinking had affected: relationships, my health, my home life, commitments I had not been responsible about.

The key for me was patience with myself, understanding this is a marathon not a sprint. I am not the same person I was when I was drinking, nor am I the same person I was before drinking became a problem. I see sobriety as an adventure, and like most adventures there are amazing discoveries but there can also be rough terrain. I am enjoying discovering who I am as a sober person.

Mountainmanbob

Having had no desire for a drink for a very long time now, I'm Recovered, unless I deceive myself yet again.

Self deception is a problem.

Mountainman