20 days sober and...
 

I drank on day 21. Back to day 1 and feel ashamed. I'm inspired to bounce back, continue my meetings and stick to my plan.

My wife is not a happy camper.

I am looking for an alcoholism/codependency specialist for both of us to see together.

She currently sees someone on her own, she does not share her discussions with me and I don't think she is getting the knowledge she needs to understand alcoholism.

I've educated myself on co-dependency and I feel she needs to understand alcoholism as well as I understand codependency.

I want to do this together, to support one another and be able to talk about our struggles with each other.

She has trepidations about the long term damage I've caused and is reluctant to actively show her support. She's been hanging in there but time is taking its toll.

We'll be taking a hiatus from seeing our marriage therapist for 2 months until I get my sobriety under control.

Is this realistic or wishful thinking on my part?

Are you going to add things & review your sober plan

Keep trying glad your bk

Hi soberwolf,

I have added meetings and am attempting to get my wife on board for the daily support I feel I need and see an addiction/codependency specialist with her, to tackle this as a team.

Thats sounds like a plan my friend here for you 24/7

Hi Akiba, the second sentence of your post states your wife is not very pleased with you. If you believe you can achieve sobriety for her, go for it. But many who have succeeded with long term sobriety make it very clear that YOU have to want sobriety, because doing for someone else usually does not work in the long run. I agree with you that it would be beneficial if she would take time to try and understand the disease of alcoholism. I wish you the best.

sounds like your wife is still working out some stuff.

I'd be very wary of adding to her resentment list or starting one of your own - you know?

if you want people who understand alcoholism there's several thousand of us here at any one time.

D

akiba, you're asking if it's wishful thinking or realistic...so here's my opinion:
it sounds like you want her to do this your way. saying that you think doing it the way you want is best for both of you, as a team, sounds good but she needs to be okay within and with herself before she can be part of teamwork.
since she's seeing someone for herself and is unhappy with you and not with the person she's seeing for helping her, it's probably wise if you concentrate on getting yourself together without telling her what you think she needs to understand about you.

any thoughts on making changes to your sobriety-plan which didn't, ultimately, work too well?
your wife might lose a bit of her trepidations when she sees long-term sobriety happening.

Have a nice day today Akiba

Thanks all,

At my F2F LR meeting last night I realized all of my relapses have been on Saturdays, 9 out of 10 times have been the Saturday following our therapist sessions the Thursday before.

So I will add to my plan. This and all Saturdays I will hit the gym, go for a bike ride with my family, and stay in their company the entire day. There's also a Saturday meeting I can go to if time allows in between family time.

Tweak your plan, camp out on SR every Saturday if you have too!!

You can do this Akiba!! :)