Olly

I've been doing my best to get free from alcohol but fell off the wagon over the New Year.

My manager noticed this as he could smell alcohol on my breath in the morning and I was referred to Occupational Health, where I came clean with them and admitted to my addiction and gave them all the details and the background information which has lead me to this stage.

I've spoken to my manager about this in advance of the Occupational Health report coming through as I just needed to be honest. He knew I had a problem, which was why I was referred.

He has (to my surprise) been very supportive and it seems that my company has an alcohol policy which allows time off to get detox or treatment. All well and good, and the support is there.

My problem is that if my son finds out that I've lapsed, he has threatened to leave home and not let me see my grandson...he's nearly three...my grandson, not my son!

I've registered with a local substance abuse agency, but I can't get an appointment until next week...

I am determined to quit, but how do I do it whilst working? I can't get through a full day without alcohol without getting the shakes...

I really don't want to have to post this...I am so ashamed of where I've let myself get to.

J

Anna

Welcome,

My suggestion would be to go to your family dr and find out if it's safe for you stop drinking cold turkey. You may be able to do that with a drs guidance.

As far as your son finding out, it seems that's likely to happen one way or another. Wouldn't it be best for you to bring up the subject and tell your son what's happened and the plans you have in place for stopping drinking and recovering?

Soberwolf

Welcome Olly its nice to meet you

least

Welcome to the SR family. Can you explain to your son that you're getting treatment for your problem? Surely he wouldn't punish you if you're getting help.

Foolsgold186

Welcome olly! Never be ashamed of reaching out for help.

Wishing you well.

Olly

I had support with my recovery last year, but I'm back at stage one...I really daren't let my son know that I've relapsed...he has been so supportive..he was very patient and helpful, but I don't think that would be the case if he knew I'd let him down again...his priority is his son...the one that I'm letting down with this dreadful alcohol addiction. I hate this...I really hate this! Janet

Soberwolf

You can dfo this Janet

OnMyWay7

You can do this - get the help you need for you but think if it would be better to tell your son and be honest or let him find out and him think you lied. It's a hard choice.

But no matter what - stop drinking!!

Jillian2563

I think being honest with him would be the best. I know how hard it is to talk about too. But if your job offers that support and offers leave time, I'd take it. You can do this.

thomas11

Hi Olly, I would certainly take advantage of what your place of employment has to offer as it sounds like you are struggling. Regarding your son, I agree with others. Certainly he wouldn't punish you for getting help. I would also hope that he understands people with addictions relapse, its just the way it is. Stay strong.

Thepatman

Welcome!

I see positive in your situation. Your job and manager support you. This is huge. Make this your turning point!

Rooting for you

advbike

In my opinion it would be best to be honest with him. It is the nature of the disease that sometimes we fail in our first attempts. You will probably need the support of a rehab program to be successful and are so fortunate to have that option. And being honest with your son would demonstrate your sincere intentions. I just wish I had been more honest when I was drinking. I also was driven by fear of possible outcomes that in sobriety I have mostly found to be illusions. I wish you the best Olly.

Dee74

Welcome back Olly

I agree with Anna - see a Dr before you quit...preferably don't wait til next week.
Why wait to start your new life?

As for your son, I think he's going to find out eventually one way or the other. I'd certainly want to be told rather than finding out any other way...but that's your decision to make.

D

Hevyn

Welcome Olly - you're in good company, very glad you joined us. Being here will help with the anxiety you're feeling.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Olly!!

2muchpain

I don't know if this is possible right now, but I see a lot of people at AA meetings that bring their wife, husband, kids to the meetings. I think it helps family members to get a better understanding of what alcoholism is all about. It might help your son to get a better understanding of what your going through. Going to the meetings might also help your son realize that your serious about getting sober. Good luck. John

Olly

Thank you for all your supportive replies - sorry I didn't answer sooner, but I've been at work.

I appreciate what you're all saying, but it simply isn't an option to tell my son. He knows I'm still going to my THOMAS support group, but if he finds out I'm drinking again that simply would be the end. I know him all too well. He's already left once because of my drinking and it took all my powers of persuasion to get him to come home.

I saw my GP this morning, but she wasn't at all helpful. She point blank refused to give me anything to help with the withdrawal symptoms while I'm trying desperately to reduce. She says it has to be done through the substance abuse unit and my appointment isn't until next week. She wouldn't even prescribe something to help with my anxiety, panic attacks and sleeplessness.

Meanwhile I'm still drinking as I'm too scared of the dangers of stopping cold turkey, but I am cutting down and measuring drinks properly and keeping track. At the moment I'm only having one measure when I feel the jitters coming on, which seems to be just enough to keep them at bay for a while. I can just about get through the day with one drink before I go to work, then one at lunchtime, but I can feel the jitters coming on by five o'clock when I finish.

I know you can't give medical advice, but have any of you tried this method and did it work for you? Will my body react to having such a large reduction of alcohol, or, perverse as it sounds when I'm trying to quit, should I drink more than this to be on the safe side?

I'm sorry if I'm rambling a bit, but I'm desperate to quit this monster.

Thank you for reading.

Olly

Well I'm still here, and cutting down seems to be working so far...OK, it's only been just less than a week but I'm down from a full bottle to a little over a quarter.

Today I managed with just one drink before work and another one at lunchtime to make sure I didn't get the shakes. I managed to get through both the morning and afternoon with no adverse withdrawal symptoms, but I'm having another drink now, purely to make sure I don't get any! That's nearly six hours this afternoon and I felt OK at the end of it.

It's very early days, but I'm feeling more positive than I have done for a long time.

BlindsidedBetty

Are you still going next week to your appointment? I hope you take full advantage of what your employer is offering. It's definitely a gift and I hope you accept it. Good luck. Please keep posting here, and let us know how you are doing.

Olly

Sorry for the late response.

Yes Betty, I'll be going to the appointment...wouldn't miss it!