Ambush1256

In the local paper today, there was a story of a city official, who was charged with DWI. I see these stories every day and I’m hit with mixed emotions. People who drink and drive are dangerous to the public at whole and I use to be one of these people. Towards the end of my drinking, I was drinking at work and driving home. I know I was over the legal limit many times and driving a pickup truck but I never got pulled over. I did wipe out on my motorcycle, going around a corner, coming home from work. I was able to get the bike up and made it home before anyone called the police. I have white scars on my knee, that I see every day when I get out of the shower to remind me of it. Maybe I was driving drunk all of the time, since my tolerance had become so high. I feel so ashamed and guilty of what I’ve been. My wife and her family that knew about my drinking do not treat any differently than they did before but at work, some of the hostility is palpable. People commenting on the newspaper articles are openly hostile towards drunks and rightly so. I feel so guilty and sorry, for what I’ve done or could have done to someone while drinking and driving. I know we need to forgive ourselves and be happy when we achieve/maintain our sobriety but the past memories of my drinking are such a heavy burden to bear. Saying I’m sorry, just doesn’t seem to be enough.

I’m just feeling down today and wanted to express my emotions. Thanks for listening.

strategery

Ambush-sending you hugs.
Can relate to what you're saying. People that comment on news articles can be downright mean. I see the same thing when someone dies of a drug overdose.
Be grateful that all you have are scraped up knees from drinking and driving. While there is nothing you can do to change the past, you are moving forward and getting sober. Keep concentrating on who you are now and how you're making yourself a better person versus who you have been.

Soberwolf

(((Ambush)))

mns1

Ambush I think you should focus on what you have accomplished, not what you did/could have done.

Many people with these problems go through life hating themselves, accepting that they are somehow defective as human beings. But you had the courage to face your demons, own up to your mistakes, and make efforts to improve yourself. That is no small feat.

Be proud of how far you've come and just continue to improve yourself day by day. That alone is pretty awesome.

Anna

You're right that saying sorry isn't enough. But, you are doing more than that. You are ensuring that you will never do that again. The guilt feelings are understandable, but you must forgive yourself.