Soberwolf

Me too its so good to see you...sending positive thoughts your way

if you ever want to talk you can send a pm NS

spk soon bud

tomsteve

It's been a bit. How ya doing,near?

NearSyncope

Hi tomsteve, thank you so much for checking in. Things aren't going so well. The biopsies from my endoscopy came back negative for stomach cancer, which is good. I have surgery scheduled on Wednesday to have the mass removed from my chest. The doctors don't think that mass is malignant, though they can't be 100% sure until they do biopsies. That's also good, but there is still no explanation for my heart problems, weight loss, and other issues.

To top it all off, I just found out that my father has lymphoma. I've had a lot of difficult times in my life but never, ever anything anywhere near like this. It's been one awful thing after another for three months and everything good in my life has literally fallen apart. Every time I think I've hit rock bottom, another terrible thing happens. I'm doing everything I possibly can but I'm struggling so badly. I want to drink so, so badly. I had the alcohol in my hand this morning and was able to not drink but I'm really at my breaking point. I'm trying to taper off opiates because, even though I am now taking them as prescribed for severe chronic pain, I believe they are causing depression. So I'm having withdrawal and also my chronic pain is out of control. I'm having severe issues with PTSD and I'm having trouble finding good treatment. I just feel like things of gotten so bad and I've screwed up my life so badly that it's too late to make things better. No matter how much work I do, things just seem to keep getting worse.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that things are not going well for you and your family. Don't make it even worse by drinking though...you've made it this far and you can make it through this too. Drinking will absolutely, positively make it all worse - no question.

Soberwolf

(((NearSyncope)))

if you ever want to talk you can always pm my friend

thomas11

exactly what he said. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

NearSyncope

And I just found out that I don't qualify for FMLA leave - which my supervisor TOLD me to take and which would have protected my job while I'm in medical leave making sure I don't have cancer - is something I don't qualify for. I'm losing my job, my father has cancer, no matter what I do it's not helping and I've finally reached my limit. I'm done.

Anna

I'm sorry you haven't been able to get to the bottom of your health issues, but as hard as it is, I hope you can stay positive.

feeling-good

Somehow, in some way, God has a plan for you. None of us, including you, know what that is, but it is there and he will help you if you ask him. Get down on your knees if you can and pray and slowly, surely, help will come to you.

At least, that's what I believe. It has kept me going for a long time. I really felt empathy and sympathy when I read this thread as I remember that feeling of no matter what I did, things kept unravelling around me. However, once I stopped drinking alcohol, I could more rationally and calmly see how things are around me and find / accept help where possible.

Please please don't drink. Stay here instead and know that I care

Dee74

continued prayers and best wishes for you NearSyncope

D

aussieblue

Sorry your going through all this. Wishing you all the best for surgery.

Thepatman

Prayers you! Stay strong trough the storm.