Sisterbobby

My husband is a great manipulator, but so am I...

one of his favorite manipulating phrases...

"Whats wrong with you!!!"

this use to make my head spin and i would hurry and correct my stupid thinking


what about you?

Notimetoloose

I am not much of a manipulator, far to lazy...and just being straight up seems easier and less dramatic but I see a lot of it. I can read people very well F2F. I don't like being manipulated.

Sisterbobby

i try to manipulate my kids, but X is a master at it, so they call me on it every time...

Jsbodhi

My ex used to take away my right to speak, by hanging up on me mid conversation, then turning off his phone and ignoring me for hours or days, he also would never apologize, as if not saying sorry made it all my fault.

Sisterbobby

the silent tx, i know it well

I have lived around alcoholics most of my life, when i think back, a big part of who i am today is due to manipulating people in my life.

Aellyce

Manipulation and dishonest mind games is something I really despise, but I've done my fare of it during my worst drinking times. Probably most of us have, it would be surprising how anyone gets away with being an active alcoholic without manipulating the environment at least somewhat. Definitely not something to be proud of.

I've dealt with many people (most non-addicts as far as I know) who use a lot of manipulation in their life, though. Mostly through work. Sober, I sort of usually tend to arrive to a state with clear boundaries with these kinds of individuals... sometimes a bit slowly as I don't always recognize the behavior for what it is at first, and when I do, I tend to have pretty strong (negative and outspoken) reactions to it. But then usually a certain distance is what works and focusing on what has to be done and leaving the rest. As I said, sometimes it takes a while to develop this, and what I am saying may be good in work relationships but definitely not a solution in personal ones.

As for my own manipulative tendencies, I think I quite easily dropped those after getting sober as co-dependency is not something I'm personally prone to when I'm in a healthy mindset free of active addictions. I think one typical issue in such relationships is the lack of real communication, including that the partners don't respond to each-others' (and their own) needs in the appropriate, truthful, open-minded way. Lots of underlying fears and insecurities. For example, "what's wrong with you" is really not open, supportive, and cooperative communication, nor is being ashamed then and looking for flaws everywhere. Same goes for silent treatment -- that is something I'd seen a lot of between my parents in my childhood, and it was always a disturbing mystery to me at the time.

I think that both good/honest communication and manipulation are forms of art in relationships. You are not saying much in your post so it's hard to offer more specific advice.

There is a of good discussion about manipulation here in the Friends&Family sections, look around.

Sisterbobby

i have a difficult time knowing when i am being manipulated. I was born in a co-dependency lifestyle. I have done some reading on how people manipulate and lots/some sounds like normal situations to me.
I am still in early sobriety, 52 days and trying to figure out exactly who I am.
I am interested in hearing peoples stories about how they/others manipulate.
I tend to feel in must please people...

I'll check out friends/family section

AladdinSane

I look at manipulation as learned behavior. Often, I believe, the manipulative person has no premeditated desire to manipulate. It just comes "naturally". As an addict, I have those skills.

So, I try not to get too judgmental when I see the trait in others; I just try to avoid being manipulated!

Sisterbobby

I think so too. I believe we all manipulate to different degrees in someway or another.

The only people I am mentally aware of manipulating is my kids and husband and it does not work. Wait, at times i am persuasive...in a friendly way, no harm done...