Don't know where to start
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: minneapolis, MN
Posts: 18
Don't know where to start
Hello everyone:
I found this site this morning as I was revocering from yet another hangover. I have read the storeis of struggle and hope of those beginning recovery. I know the title of this "don't know where to start" but really I do. I have to stop drinking. But I can't even go one day. I don't know how to deal with the cravings and the panic that startss in my guts when I contemplete giving up the bottle and living with the feeling I have alcohol free. Yet i don't WANT to drink.
I have doen this before, I quit drinking from 1998-2001 and then started again after i divorced. now I am a single mother with an 18 month old and I know this is not right fro my child, I know it! But how, how does anyone get through the first day?!
Suze
I found this site this morning as I was revocering from yet another hangover. I have read the storeis of struggle and hope of those beginning recovery. I know the title of this "don't know where to start" but really I do. I have to stop drinking. But I can't even go one day. I don't know how to deal with the cravings and the panic that startss in my guts when I contemplete giving up the bottle and living with the feeling I have alcohol free. Yet i don't WANT to drink.
I have doen this before, I quit drinking from 1998-2001 and then started again after i divorced. now I am a single mother with an 18 month old and I know this is not right fro my child, I know it! But how, how does anyone get through the first day?!
Suze
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi Suze,
Welcome! I'm a recovering alcoholic and I know completely the feelings you are talking about. I was terrified of life without alcohol and I couldn't imagine it being anything but horrible. But, it's great. To regain the control in my life is the best gift I could give myself.
Get through the first day bit by bit. Don't think long-term because I think it's too overwhelming. Try to distract yourself, do something like going for a walk, anything different than what you normally do. You've done it before so you know you can do it and you know it'll be worth it.
I'm glad you found SR!
Love, Anna
Welcome! I'm a recovering alcoholic and I know completely the feelings you are talking about. I was terrified of life without alcohol and I couldn't imagine it being anything but horrible. But, it's great. To regain the control in my life is the best gift I could give myself.
Get through the first day bit by bit. Don't think long-term because I think it's too overwhelming. Try to distract yourself, do something like going for a walk, anything different than what you normally do. You've done it before so you know you can do it and you know it'll be worth it.
I'm glad you found SR!
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by suze
I have doen this before, I quit drinking from 1998-2001 and then started again after i divorced. now I am a single mother with an 18 month old and I know this is not right fro my child, I know it! But how, how does anyone get through the first day?!
My name's Dan, I'm a recovering addict. I was a stay at home dad with our first, our daughter, from the time she was six months old. I had pretty much stopped abusing alcohol, but I surely had not addressed the problem at all. So as the stress of caring for my baby increased, I started drinking again. True to my addict form, I was soon out of control.
I was drinking to avoid the uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms brought on by the previous day's drinking. Vicious, dangerous cycle.
Have you a family member, or a trusted friend you could call and ask for help?
I'm grateful my daughter made it through those insane months.
The damage done could have been far worse.
One day Suze. You can make it one day.
So glad you're here.
Headed in the right direction.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 257
Suze,
I have an 18 month old also and was EXACTLY where you are today (only 29 days ago). AA works.
Decide that you must do something different to stop drinking. Just wanting to stop is not enough. You need a program. Look in the phone book for AA or do a "Google" search for AA in your town or state. If you can get to a meeting, you can learn how to stop drinking for good.
I hear it in your post, you WANT this hangover, drink, cycle to stop. It is hard if not impossible to do it on your own.
I want this sobriety for you and I want it for your 18 month old. They are so precious. Reach out to save yourself from this disease.
Best wishes.
-Carrie P.S. You probably don't even have to log off the computer to call AA. :-)
I have an 18 month old also and was EXACTLY where you are today (only 29 days ago). AA works.
Decide that you must do something different to stop drinking. Just wanting to stop is not enough. You need a program. Look in the phone book for AA or do a "Google" search for AA in your town or state. If you can get to a meeting, you can learn how to stop drinking for good.
I hear it in your post, you WANT this hangover, drink, cycle to stop. It is hard if not impossible to do it on your own.
I want this sobriety for you and I want it for your 18 month old. They are so precious. Reach out to save yourself from this disease.
Best wishes.
-Carrie P.S. You probably don't even have to log off the computer to call AA. :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
AA Minneapolis.
Click on the meetings link there and you should see a list.
Click on the meetings link there and you should see a list.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Welcome ! The first day is rough , in the begining I did it 5 minutes at a time .You can do it ! Good suggestions posted above ! AA is my method of recovery . It works , it really does ...I am pullin for you ! Prayers ^ Trish
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: minneapolis, MN
Posts: 18
Everyone:
Still here, hanging on. Thank you, right now I am in tears, I have been so afraid to reach out for help. My family has struggled with my parents alcohol abuse and I have not wanted to admit I too need help. Last november on thanksgiving, I arrived at my parents home and discovered my father drunk, my mother in bed and drunk. On that day my bortherand I made arrangments for my father to go to a treatment facility and two days later, my mother was institutionalized in a pyschiatricl facility as she basically broke down. They both were sober for a period of time, but we know dad is back to using and my family has been focused on that. So I have been trying to be there for them, not for me, but meanwhile i am spiralling out of control with my drinking.
I agree that meetings will help. My big rpoblem is childcare, when i say I am a single mom, I mean my son's father is AWOL. I just recently moved to this area and do not have a babysitter, only daycare. Does anyone know resources to attend meetings for childcare? thank you all so much for your support, I am shocked and releived that there are srtong committed people like you out there!
Still here, hanging on. Thank you, right now I am in tears, I have been so afraid to reach out for help. My family has struggled with my parents alcohol abuse and I have not wanted to admit I too need help. Last november on thanksgiving, I arrived at my parents home and discovered my father drunk, my mother in bed and drunk. On that day my bortherand I made arrangments for my father to go to a treatment facility and two days later, my mother was institutionalized in a pyschiatricl facility as she basically broke down. They both were sober for a period of time, but we know dad is back to using and my family has been focused on that. So I have been trying to be there for them, not for me, but meanwhile i am spiralling out of control with my drinking.
I agree that meetings will help. My big rpoblem is childcare, when i say I am a single mom, I mean my son's father is AWOL. I just recently moved to this area and do not have a babysitter, only daycare. Does anyone know resources to attend meetings for childcare? thank you all so much for your support, I am shocked and releived that there are srtong committed people like you out there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Bring your baby to a meeting if you have to.
Just being around others with a similar experience to yours will work wonders.
At the link I posted for you above, there should be some phone numbers.
Call the Intergroup office.
They'll be best suited to advise you which meeting would be easier for you to attend with your child. I've been to many meetings where children are there, and I brought my own kids as well. I'm sorry to hear about your parents Suze.
Time to take care of yourself now.
Just being around others with a similar experience to yours will work wonders.
At the link I posted for you above, there should be some phone numbers.
Call the Intergroup office.
They'll be best suited to advise you which meeting would be easier for you to attend with your child. I've been to many meetings where children are there, and I brought my own kids as well. I'm sorry to hear about your parents Suze.
Time to take care of yourself now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: minneapolis, MN
Posts: 18
Dangerous Dan:
thanks, I have spent so much time wanting to hide from this and not wanting anyone to know I was such a terrible mother that I would actually drink when with my son. I have been afraid of meetings with my son, I don't want to lose him. I want to be the mother he deserves, and I am afraid that if anyone knows about this, they will take him away. I know, from annedoctes from other attorneys ( yes I am one) that the state will take children away from chemically dependant parents. If I am out and open with this, I am afraid that will happen. I know that AA people keep everything that has been said at a meeting confidential, and I know I need this help, but I am afraid for my son (even though I know the alternative is WORSE). I am afraid to even call and ask the questions about the privacy of what is said at meetings, I don't want anyone to know that I am a mother like this. I know this all sounds irrational, but he has already lost his father, and his grandparents (who barely know his name) Help, help-- does anyone understand this?
thanks, I have spent so much time wanting to hide from this and not wanting anyone to know I was such a terrible mother that I would actually drink when with my son. I have been afraid of meetings with my son, I don't want to lose him. I want to be the mother he deserves, and I am afraid that if anyone knows about this, they will take him away. I know, from annedoctes from other attorneys ( yes I am one) that the state will take children away from chemically dependant parents. If I am out and open with this, I am afraid that will happen. I know that AA people keep everything that has been said at a meeting confidential, and I know I need this help, but I am afraid for my son (even though I know the alternative is WORSE). I am afraid to even call and ask the questions about the privacy of what is said at meetings, I don't want anyone to know that I am a mother like this. I know this all sounds irrational, but he has already lost his father, and his grandparents (who barely know his name) Help, help-- does anyone understand this?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by suze
I am afraid to even call and ask the questions about the privacy of what is said at meetings, I don't want anyone to know that I am a mother like this. I know this all sounds irrational, but he has already lost his father, and his grandparents (who barely know his name) Help, help-- does anyone understand this?
You don't sound irrational at all.
You sound scared and concerned about your child and yourself.
It is said that we're only as sick as the secrets we keep.
I believe that to be true today.
Don't give up before the miracle happens.
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
I understand this fear. I have two kids and when I first started recovery and working to change my life the fears that the authorities would take my kids was huge. But then the thought occured to me........They could be taken if I don't get help...and I could DIE if I didn't help myself..any way I had to. Many of us parents have struggled with the same concern and nagging worry. But I think you will find that GETTING THE HELP IS ALWAYS THE BEST WAY.
It can get so much better my friend. I encourage to keep reaching out, and take all the help and support you can get. This is tough to do alone, and afraid and unsure. Take that first step..the rest get easier with practice.
(((((((Huge Hugs))))))))) Don't give up! There IS help....and HOPE.
It can get so much better my friend. I encourage to keep reaching out, and take all the help and support you can get. This is tough to do alone, and afraid and unsure. Take that first step..the rest get easier with practice.
(((((((Huge Hugs))))))))) Don't give up! There IS help....and HOPE.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
Suze,don't worry about your anonymity at AA.I know many doctors in the program.Besides, the legal system will look much kindlier on someone who is getting the help they need. I think you will be amazed at what you find when you walk inot a meeting.I know I was-I wouldn't be sober for just over a year now without it.I tried it the other way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: texas
Posts: 117
Dear Suze,Don't worry about what people will think! This time think about yourself! The first days of recovery are the worst. They will pass by and each day it will get a little easier. Give it a chance and take it a few minutes at a time. It's the most important decision you will make for the rest of your life. You can do it! Post your feelings here every few minutes that you make it clean. We can celebrate your recovery together. I'm putting out the first banner for you just because you're trying.
Fallen Knight
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: The deep dark of Moria
Posts: 32
Courage Suze! I'm an alcoholic, married and father to a 22 month old boy and another boy on the way in January. I'm hungover today, brutally so. I drank last night and the night before (after 4-5 days of not drinking and absolute excrutiating pain). I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 8:40 am to see a doctor who will be starting me on a one-week outpatient detox program. My current manner of avoiding the pain of hang-overs by drinking more, pushing me further down the spiral. I've been sliding down this spiral for a decade.
I don't feel qualified to offer you any advice, I don't think much of myself in any capacity now that I think of it, but I think that comes with the territory of being addicted and knowing it. I've so many thoughts/emotions running through my head that I'm having a very difficult time composing them, let alone finding any value in them.
Courage, Suze!
o)>----------<(HUGS)>---------<(o
I don't feel qualified to offer you any advice, I don't think much of myself in any capacity now that I think of it, but I think that comes with the territory of being addicted and knowing it. I've so many thoughts/emotions running through my head that I'm having a very difficult time composing them, let alone finding any value in them.
Courage, Suze!
o)>----------<(HUGS)>---------<(o
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Tenzin
My current manner of avoiding the pain of hang-overs by drinking more, pushing me further down the spiral. I've been sliding down this spiral for a decade.
I don't feel qualified to offer you any advice, I don't think much of myself in any capacity now that I think of it, but I think that comes with the territory of being addicted and knowing it. I've so many thoughts/emotions running through my head that I'm having a very difficult time composing them, let alone finding any value in them.
I don't feel qualified to offer you any advice, I don't think much of myself in any capacity now that I think of it, but I think that comes with the territory of being addicted and knowing it. I've so many thoughts/emotions running through my head that I'm having a very difficult time composing them, let alone finding any value in them.
Welcome. I'm sober now, but I was where you are when my children were that age. I wish you the best of luck and courage for that appointment tomorrow Tenzin.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: minneapolis, MN
Posts: 18
Tenzin:
I am there, I know about the hair of the dog--- this is so hard-- you are not takingb help or attention away, we are ll int his together-- I am so afraid of doc, please go tomorrow and I REALLY want to know how it went, cuz I am afraid and dependant too! Please let me know you made it!
I am there, I know about the hair of the dog--- this is so hard-- you are not takingb help or attention away, we are ll int his together-- I am so afraid of doc, please go tomorrow and I REALLY want to know how it went, cuz I am afraid and dependant too! Please let me know you made it!
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