Struggling Today
 

Not a lot to say other than I want to go sit in the sun and get hammered. I am trying to play the tape through. Nothing good will come of it. And I'll just let a lot of people down. Again. So I cannot do it. But I want to. I am beginning to truly hate my AV.

Keep playing the tape and this shall pass. Rooting for you and understand.
Last night I had to put the tape on repeat. Felt stronger today.

The louder the AV voice is, the harder it is to shut it down, greater is the victory.

What will "hammered" do for you? what's the cause of that feeling, or the reasons being sold to you by your mind?

Trying to understand what I was either trying to create, a buzz, an excitement, or what I was trying to escape from, stress, life events, figuring that out was the key to developing new ways of living life without alcohol!!

Hang in there!! :)

Chuck, find that warm, sunny spot/window in your home; sit beside it and practice deep breathing for a while. It will make you feel a whole lot better than you will if you drink. Pay that tape forward - to the hangover, disappointment, self-loathing that drinking promises.

Keep on hanging in there since there are good days and bad days with AV. The feeling will pass and you will be proud and get stronger for not giving in.
Is there something you can do to distract yourself and keep yourself busy?

Try this chuck http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

& http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Play the mental videotape of your drinking till your sick or worse let that be a direct reason not to drink

Can you phone a trusted friend or can you get to an aa mtn ? were here for you bud

Your AV will fade the more you understand and stay sober keep working on your sobriety

Have you got a sobriety plan ?

I try not to swear, but for the first few months of sobriety, I cursed, out loud. Many times. At the liquor stores as I walked by them, at the tv beer commercials, at the poor guy at the table next to me in the restaurant who was merely trying to enjoy his glass of wine.

It gets better. Grit your teeth. Curse if you must. And recognize that it DOES get easier. But only if you stick to the plan.

Good luck.

Sitting in the sun sounds fabulous. Remembering it tomorrow sounds even better.

I know it's hard and frustrating sometimes, but I also know the feeling of sheer power when you overcome that ridiculous AV. Tell it to take a hike, and enjoy your sunshine.

I am not sure how I did it but I white-knuckled through today. I am hoping to take away a little strength of character from the experience. And some tools. Hope everyone has a restful night ... I am going to sleep. Sober.

That's great Chuck! I'm so glad you pushed through!! It's just not worth going back to. Alcohol is a liar. Great job!